I have a couple for y’all today. This first one is courtesy of Cookie. Not only funny, but word to the wise as well. :)
Some words to the wise. Shooting advice from various Concealed Carry instructors. If you own a gun, you will appreciate this. If not, you should get one and learn how to use it.
A; Guns have only two enemies: rust and politicians.
B; Its always better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6.
C; Cops carry guns to protect themselves, not you.
D; Never let someone or something that threatens you get inside your arm’s length.
E; Never say “I’ve got a gun.” If you need to use deadly force, the first sound they hear should be the safety clicking off.
F; The average response time of a 911 call is 23 minutes, the response time of a .357 is 1400 feet per second.
G; The most important rule in a gunfight is: Always win — cheat if necessary but win.
H; Make your attacker advance through a wall of bullets … You may get killed with your own gun, but he’ll have to beat you to death with it ’cause it’ll be empty.
I; If you’re in a gun fight:
1. If you’re not shooting, you should be loading.
2. If you’re not loading, you should be movin.
3. If you’re not movin’, you’re dead.
J; In a life and death situation, don’t just stand there. Do something … It may be wrong, but do something!
K; If you carry a gun, people call you paranoid. Nonsense! If you have a gun, what do you have to be paranoid about?
L; You can say ‘stop’ or ‘alto’ or any other word, but a large bore muzzle pointed at someone’s head is pretty much a universal language.
M; You cannot save the planet, but you may be able to save yourself and your family.
This next one has been shared with me by several people on Facebook:
A son decided his mother could not live alone anymore, she was just too senile. So he decided to take her to all the homes in the district to decide which one she liked the most.
The first one was a pleasant surprise. Lovely gardens, lots of oldsters chatting happily. The owner offered to take the son on a tour around the premises, so he sat his mom in the middle of a big sofa, and went off for the tour.
The attendant noticed the old lady was slumping, tilting to her right. She promptly straightened the old lady up, padded her right side, and called the nurse. About 5 minutes later, the old lady, with a fixed look on her face, started tilting to her left. The nurse straightened her up, add padded her with more cushions, wondering if she should call the doctor.
A few minutes later, the old lady started to slump forwards, and again, the routine of straightening her up and padding with cushions.
The son arrived at that moment:
“Mom, this place is a paradise. Lovely staff, game rooms, good food, big garden, nice inmates! You’ll love it!”
His mother retorted, “Love it my arse. It’s a bloody prison camp. They won’t even let me fart … “