Driving home from Oneonta this year was different from previous years. While I still contemplated all of the many things for which I am thankful, my heart hurts for my family. My brother and his wife are divorcing. Being there tonight, I saw some of myself in my sister-in-law and some of my father in my brother. I made comparisons between the two men, as well as to my own ex-husband. It was painful to experience. I feel for them both. I thought they were so happy, the perfect couple. I used to envy them, as they seemed to have it all. “We post pretty pictures on Facebook,” my brother pointed out. Yeah, don’t we all …
So yeah, this year was different. I love my sister-in-law dearly and adore my baby brother. I guess I was just reminded mostly that things aren’t always what they seem, and much can change in a small amount of time. And I should be thankful for what I have, rather than envying those who may have what I don’t.
I am thankful for my family and friends; those whom I love, and who have been there for me when I’ve needed it most. I am thankful for those who have stood by me through thick and thin, and put up with my shit and love me despite my neurotic mess. I am thankful for my kid. I am thankful to have a roof over my head, a car that runs, and the freedoms that I enjoy every day. I am thankful for my health. I’m not doing as well as I could be, but it could be helluva lot worse.
I am thankful for my job; because let’s be honest, not being able to pay the bills or buy food sucks dead donkey balls. I remember all too well what it was like not having a job for so long, and I may or may not be out of a job early next year. My boss had a sort of demotion a few months back and now it looks like upper management is getting ready to replace him. I am none too happy about these developments, but am powerless to do anything. I am trying to make the best of the mess we’re in right now as we’re moving out of IBM (Lotus) Notes and Domino and into Salesforce and Office 365. I’m happy to be learning new things, but scared because there is little to no direction from management and no transparency as to what’s going on with the company. We haven’t had raises since I’ve been hired, or longer, and our health benefits keep decreasing (plus what non-monetary “perks” we had have been revoked or taken away). I’d venture it’s safe to say that the entire department is unhappy with one or more of those things, myself included, but I’ve stayed for my boss and my team. I love the job, and am not sure I could find something like this somewhere else, so I stay. For now I have to be thankful for what I do have.
I have to keep reminding myself that it could be worse. I’ve had worse … it sucked.
I hope y’all have a very Happy Thanksgiving out there. If you’re the spiritual kind, my family could use some love, as could I …
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