This year has been difficult, especially the last few months. Tonight I watched my family and, while short-lived, it was nice. We talked, we laughed, we ate our fill of delicious foods. Most every one behaved themselves. But after it was over, I came home feeling a little empty. I’m saddened because I am doubting that I will see my (now former) sister-in-law at any future family gatherings. I am reminded of the family I lost when I divorced. I adored Jim’s family and still miss them very much. I understand that it’s normal for in-laws to break contact with you after a divorce. But understanding doesn’t make it hurt any less. And I wondered if Christy was thinking about this too?
So yeah, I drove home with a lot of thoughts swirling around in my head. I messaged my boyfriend to let him know I made it home safely and snuggled my cats. I thought about a snide comment someone made to me recently about things I don’t have, and thought to myself: I may not have much in some people’s eyes, but what I got is mine. I am surrounded by folks who love me, and to me, that’s the best damned gift in the world. Some days I feel like I am drowning in the darkness, but at least for now I feel the warmth and light, and am reminded that I am not alone. I need that reminder, and often.
I hope that wherever you are, you have warmth and a light of your own. ♥
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