Today’s funnies start off with this one courtesy of Jeff on Facebook:
One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner, Mother Potato and her three daughters. Midway through the meal, the eldest daughter spoke up. “Mother Potato?” she said, “I have an announcement to make.”
“And what might that be?” said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter’s eyes.
“Well,” replied the daughter with a proud but sheepish grin, “I’m getting married!”
The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, “Married! That’s wonderful! And who are you marrying, Eldest daughter?”
“I’m marrying a Russet!”
“A Russet!” replied Mother Potato with pride. “Oh, a Russet is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!”
As the family shared in the eldest daughter’s joy, the middle daughter spoke up. “Mother? I, too, have an announcement.”
“And what might that be?” encouraged Mother Potato.
Not knowing quite how to begin, the middle daughter paused, then said with conviction, “I, too, am getting married!”
“You, too!” Mother Potato said with joy. “That’s wonderful! Twice the good news in one evening! And who are you marrying, Middle Daughter?”
“I’m marrying an Idaho!” beamed the middle daughter.
“An Idaho!” said Mother Potato with joy. “Oh, an Idaho is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!”
Once again, the room came alive with laughter and excited plans for the future when the youngest Potato daughter interrupted. “Mother? Mother Potato? Um, I, too, have an announcement to make.”
“Yes?” said Mother Potato with great anticipation.
“Well,” began the youngest Potato daughter with the same sheepish grin as her eldest sister before her, “I hope this doesn’t come as a shock to you, but I am getting married as well!”
“Really?” said Mother Potato with sincere excitement. “All of my lovely daughters married! What wonderful news! And who, pray tell, are you marrying, Youngest Daughter?”
“I’m marrying Dan Rather!”
“DAN RATHER?!” Mother Potato scowled suddenly. “But he’s just a common tater!”
This one is courtesy of The Daily What:
This next one is courtesy of Lisa:
New Direct TV Commercial
“When your cable goes out, you can’t study game film.
When you can’t study game film, you lose to Alabama.
When you lose to Alabama, you get depressed.
When you get depressed, you buy a Harley.
When you buy a Harley, you meet hot, young ex-volleyball players.
When you meet hot, young ex-volleyball players, you go on joy rides.
When you go on joy rides, you end up in a roadside ditch.
Don’t end up in a roadside ditch.”