What a year we’ve had. And we’re almost to the end of it … yokatta. A part of me is hopeful that the new year brings better fortune and health for everyone, myself included. This year has been tough. I mean, I’ve settled into a routine. I login to work every day and do what I can to the best of my abilities. I spend my downtime with books, video games, or small side projects. I’ve been doing a little coding here and there. I don’t leave the house because I don’t want to put myself nor my loved ones at risk, which most of the time suits me just fine. But I’ll tell you what: I miss the fuck out of hugs. I’m affection starved. But until this pandemic is stomped out, that won’t be rectified anytime soon. So I march on, doing what I can, with what I have.
That seems to be the story of my life.
So, yeah, this Thanksgiving was different than previous years. I drove by to see my folks for a few minutes and my mom loaded me up with my share of Thanksgiving dinner. In a way it was nice because it meant I could stay home in my pajamas all day (with the exception of going to get the food and coming back) and play video games. But at the same time, I really REALLY wanted to hug my mom.
I mean, I can’t complain. I shouldn’t complain. I know I have it better than some. I had a coworker pass away from COVID-19 just last week. The company had been trying to prepare folks to come back to the office until this, now they’re telling everyone to stay home (for now).
I’m struggling. Everyone I know is struggling. I worry about my loved ones. I wonder if anyone worries about me? Does their burden feel as heavy as mine? Will it get any better? For me? For them? Will I ever not feel like this?
And yet I’m reminded that there are small things every day that I can still be grateful for … the smallest act of kindness, passing pun or joke from a teammate at work, or something quirky one of my cats does. If it makes me smile, then I am thankful for it. These are the things I’m clinging to.
Tomorrow is another day, and for that, I am grateful. I’ll keep trying to do the best that I can with what I have. I keep reminding myself that the year is almost over. Soon we’ll see the light shining through the darkness.