Today’s funnies start off with this one from Don:
Here’s another way to look at the Debt Ceiling:
Let’s say, You come home from work and find there has been a sewer backup in your neighborhood…and your home has sewage all the way up to your ceilings.
What do you think you should do â€¦ raise the ceilings or pump out the shit?
Your choice is coming Nov. 2012
These next couple are courtesy of Cookie:
A room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe and was telling the men how to give the necessary help and assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.
She said, “Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.”
She looked at the men in the room, “Gentlemen, remember — you’re in this together. It wouldn’t hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both.”
The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.
After a few moments, a man named Mac at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.
“Yes,” said the Instructor.
“I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”
Brings a tear to your eye doesn’t it? This kind of sensitivity just can’t be taught.
Best Comeback Line Ever?
Police work must be entertaining as well as dangerous.
In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, in a pumpkin patch 12.01 a.m. on Friday.
On Monday, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication.
The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop, “You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn’t anyone around,” he stated in a telephone interview.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged need.
“Guess I was really into it, you know?” he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him.
“It was an unusual situation, that’s for sure,” said Officer Taylor. “I walked up to Lawrence and he’s just banging away at this pumpkin.” Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence.
“I said, ‘Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you’re having sex with a pumpkin?’ He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said,
“A pumpkin? Shit…is it midnight already?”