This morning’s funnies start off with this one from my mother:
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
“Miss Whack, I’d like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.”
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it’s okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, “Sure. I have this,” and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she’ll have to consult with the bank manager and then disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, “There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.”
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. “I mean, what in the world is this?”
The bank manager looks back at her and says…
“It’s a knickknack, Patty Whackâ€¦ Give the frog a loanâ€¦ His old man’s a Rolling Stone.”
(You’re singing it, aren’t you?)
And this one is courtesy of Movin’ Meat:
Why Cats Are Not Employed As Doctors
- Valuable minutes lost in surgery as doctor furiously paws at nearby fly.
- While informing patient’s family of their loss, doctor suddenly loses interest and walks off.
- In bid to become chief surgeon, doctor scent-marks entire hospital.
- Doctor refuses to respond to own name during code blue.
- Staff grows increasingly alarmed as doctor runs up and down hallway for no apparent reason.
- Sensing colleagues’ growing dissatisfaction with his work, doctor curls up against a radiator and goes to sleep.
- Doctor raises hackles and bares teeth whenever new interns are introduced.
- Doctor loses medical license after licking self, instruments clean.
So what have we learned? That cats are best employed in service industries? Certainly. But more importantly, always listen for meows when entering a hospital. The life you save may very well be your own.