These funnies come courtesy of Cookie:
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee..
The first Catholic man tells his friends, “My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”
The second Catholic man chirps, “My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Grace’..”
The third Catholic gent says, “My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says ‘Your Eminence’..”
The fourth Catholic man then says, “My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him ‘Your Holiness’.”
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, “Well….?”
She proudly replies, “I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breasts 24″ waist and 34” hips. When she walks into a room, people say, “Oh My God.”
Mike was attending his hunting club’s monthly meeting and had just told them he couldn’t make the hunting trip scheduled for the next day because his wife wouldn’t let him go.
After listening to the jeers and other derisive remarks from his buddies Mike left to go back home to his wife.
When Mike’s friends started arriving to set up camp the next day, who should be there but Mike sitting in front of his tent, cocktail in hand, camp oven roast stewing away in a hot bed of coals.
“How did ya talk your wife into letting you go Mike?”
“I didn’t have to” was Mike’s reply. “When I left the meeting I went home and slumped down in my chair with a cocktail to drown my sorrows. Then Melissa snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, ‘Surprise’!
“When I peeled her hands back she was standing there in a beautiful see-through negligee and she said, ‘Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want.’
“So … here I am!”
And last but not least, here’s the latest installment of Simon’s Cat: