This first funny is courtesy of my mother:
Better than a Flu Shot
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
‘Miss Beatrice’, he said, ‘I wonder if you would tell me about this?’ pointing to the bowl.
‘Oh, yes,’ she replied, ‘Isn’t it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven’t had the flu all winter!’
And this one came to me from Pam L. Mack and her Irish grandfather:
An Englishman, a Irishman and a Scott walked into a pub. Each ordered one pint of beer. A fly landed in each and every beer.
The Englishman turned green and pushed his beer away asking for another one.
The Scottsman took the fly out, shrugged and drank his beer.
The Irish man pinched the fly between his fingers and yelled, “SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT!”
This is courtesy of Not Always Right (thank you, Mara! ;))
(A customer comes to me with a package of brownies with a “Special!” sticker on the top.)
Customer: “Excuse me, miss?”
Me: “How can I help you?”
Customer: “Why are these brownies “special”?”
Me: “They’re the bakery’s special of the week. They’re on sale now through Saturday.”
Customer: “So, there’s nothing different about them?”
Me: “I’m not sure what you mean.”
Customer: *winking* “They’re notâ€¦’special’ brownies?”
Me: “Oh! No, sorry, they’re just normal brownies.”
Customer: “Never mind, then.” *sets down the container and walks away*