This funny is courtesy of Don:
The Harley-Davidson Facts
The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson , died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, ‘Since you’ve been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven.’
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ‘ I want to hang out with God.’
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, ‘Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle? ‘
Arthur said, ‘Yeah, that’s me…’
God commented: ‘Well, what’s the big deal in inventing something that’s pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can’t run without a road?’
Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, ‘Excuse me, but aren’t you the inventor of woman?’
God said, ‘Ah, yes.’
‘Well,’ said Arthur, ‘professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention!
‘1. There’s too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much.
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!’
‘Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,’ replied God, ‘hold on.’ God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
‘Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,’ God said to Arthur, ‘but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours.’
And this one is also from Don:
Two informally dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport.
The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a very wealthy man. The second was a well-mannered, elderly woman from the South.
When the conversation centered on whether they had any children, the California woman started by saying, “When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me.”
The lady from the South commented, “Well, isn’t that precious?”
The first woman continued, “When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz.”
Again, the lady from the South commented, “Well, isn’t that precious?”
The first woman continued boasting, “Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet.”
Yet again, the Southern lady commented, “Well, isn’t that precious?”
The first woman then asked her companion, “What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?”
“My husband sent me to charm school,” declared the Southern lady.
“Charm school?” the first woman cried, “Oh, my God! What on earth for?”
The Southern lady responded, “Well for example, instead of saying ‘Who gives a shit?’ I learned to say, ‘Well, isn’t that precious’… “