Sorry these are so late, I have a good reason I promise! (will post more on that later today)
This funny is courtesy of my Cotillion sister, Deb:
World’s Greatest Liar
Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day. As they walked, they come across a sign: “Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world.”
“I am entering!” said Snow White. After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, “Well, how’d ya do?”
“First Place!” said Snow White.
They continue walking and they see a sign: “Contest for the strongest man in the world.”
“I’m entering,” says Superman. After half an hour, he returns and they ask him, “How did you make out?”
“First Place,” answers Superman. “Did you ever doubt?”
They continue walking when they see a sign: “Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?” Pinocchio enters.
After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes.
“What happened?” they asked.
“Who the hell is Nancy Pelosi?” asked Pinocchio.
And this one is courtesy of Uncle Monster:
And this one is courtesy of Don:
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. So she left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, ‘I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?’
The blonde said, ‘No, I want 25 gallons. I’m going to fill my bathtub up with milk And take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again.
The milkman asked, ‘Do you want it pasteurized?’ The blonde said, ‘No, just up to my tits. I can splash it on my eyes.