I have several today, so let’s get started! This one is from one of my WOSIB sisters:
How to Deal with Party Crashers
It was at a party and the host was getting worried because there were too many people and not enough refreshments.
She was sure that not all of these people had been invited but didn’t know how to tell which ones were the crashers. Then her husband got an idea …
He turned to the crowd of guests and said “Will everyone from the bride’s side of the family stand up please?” About twenty people stood.
Then he asked “Will everyone from the groom’s side of the family stand up as well?” About twenty five people stood up.
Then he smiled and said, “Will everyone who stood please leave. This is a birthday party.”
This one is from my pal Cookie:
Understanding the Stimulus Bill
Shortly after class, an economics student approaches his economics professor and says, “I don’t understand this stimulus bill. Can you explain it to me?”
The professor replied, “I don’t have any time to explain it at my office, but if you come over to my house on Saturday and help me with my weekend project, I’ll be glad to explain it to you.” The student agreed.
At the agreed-upon time, the student showed up at the professor’s house. The professor stated that the weekend project involved his backyard pool.
They both went out back to the pool, and the professor handed the student a bucket. Demonstrating with his own bucket, the professor said, “First, go over to the deep end, and fill your bucket with as much water as you can.” The student did as he was instructed.
The professor then continued, “Follow me over to the shallow end, and then dump all the water from your bucket into it.” The student was naturally confused, but did as he was told.
The professor then explained they were going to do this many more times, and began walking back to the deep end of the pool.
The confused student asked, “Excuse me, but why are we doing this?”
The professor matter-of-factly stated that he was trying to make the shallow end much deeper.
The student didn’t think the economics professor was serious, but figured that he would find out the real story soon enough.
However, after the 6th trip between the shallow end and the deep end, the student began to become worried that his economics professor had gone mad. The student finally replied, “All we’re doing is wasting valuable time and effort on unproductive pursuits. Even worse, when this process is all over, everything will be at the same level it was before, so all you’ll really have accomplished is the destruction of what could have been truly productive action!”
The professor put down his bucket and replied with a smile,
“Congratulations. You now understand the stimulus bill.”
This one is from one of my coworkers:
The Coping Diet
This is a specially formulated diet designed to help women cope with the stress that builds during the day.
1 slice whole wheat toast
1 cup skim milk
1 small portion, lean, steamed chicken
1 cup spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Hershey’s Kiss
The rest of the Hershey’s Kisses in the bag
1 tub of Hagen-Daaz ice cream with chocolate chips
4 glasses of wine (red or white)
2 loaves garlic bread
1 family size supreme pizza
3 Snickers bars
Late Night Snack
1 whole Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)
Remember: ‘Stressed’ spelled backward is ‘desserts!’
And last but not least, another funny from one of my WOSIB sisters:
In addition to communicating with the local Air Traffic Control facility, all aircraft in the Persian Gulf AOR are required to give the Iranian Air Defense Radar (military) a ten minute ‘heads up’ if they will be transiting Iranian airspace. This is a common procedure for commercial aircraft and involves giving them your call sign, transponder code, type aircraft, and points of origin and destination.
I just flew with a guy who overheard this conversation on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai. It is too good not to pass along.
The conversation went like this:
Iranian Air Defense Radar: “Unknown aircraft, you are in Iranian Airspace. Identify yourself.”
Aircraft: “This is a United States Aircraft. I am in Iraqi Airspace.”
Iranian Air Defense Radar: “You are in Iranian Airspace. If you do not depart our airspace, we will launch Interceptor Aircraft!”
Aircraft: “This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 Fighter. Send ’em up! I’ll wait!”
Iranian Air Defense Radar: (No Response — Total Silence)