This one is from my mother:
A husband and wife were shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picked up a case of Budweiser and put it in their cart.
‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asked the wife.
‘They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans.’
‘Put them back, we can’t afford them.’
A few aisles further on along the woman picked up a $20 jar of face cream and put it in the basket.
‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asked the husband.
‘Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful.’
‘So does 24 cans of Budweiser and its half the price.’
On the PA system: ‘Cleanup needed on aisle 25, we have a husband down’
This one comes courtesy of one of my WOSIB sisters:
A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, ‘You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.’
The cat thought for a minute and then said, ‘All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.’
God said, ‘Say no more.’ Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.
A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat.
The mice said, ‘Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again.’
God answered, ‘It is done.’ All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.
About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, ‘Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?’
The cat replied, ‘Oh, it is WONDERFUL. I have never been so happy in my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious!’