Note: I spazzed and forgot about future posts in WordPress … so yay, funnies posted while I’m gone! :happy_tb:
This football funny was sent to me by one of my co-workers:
Weather Advisory From The National Weather Service:
In the event of a tornado warning, the National Weather Service advises all Auburn residents to take immediate shelter in Jordan-Hare Stadium. A touchdown is highly unlikely to occur there.
Thank you for your cooperation.
And this one is from Jerri:
The Good Husband
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks went down easy. He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes … the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table with a single rose.
Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:
‘Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian’
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot breakfast, hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, ‘What happened last night?’
‘Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.’
Confused, he asked his son, ‘So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table?’
His son replies, ‘Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, ‘Leave me alone, I’m married!”
Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time … PRICELESS!
And last but certainly not least, this one from Cookie:
Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential down pour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered,
‘The weather out there is terrible.’
My loving wife of 20 yrs replied, ‘Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that??”
I still don’t know to this day if she was joking, but I have stopped fishing.