Today’s funny bits come courtesy of my mother:
How to Tell the Sex of a Fly
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. ‘What are you doing?’ she asked.
‘Hunting flies,’ he responded.
‘Oh. Killing any?’ she asked.
‘Yep, 3 males, 2 females,’ he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, ‘How can you tell them apart?’
He responded, ‘3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone!’
How the Government Works
Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.’
Chuck replied, ‘Well, then just give me my money back.’
The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.’
Chuck said, ‘Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.’
The farmer asked, ‘What ya gonna do with him?
Chuck said, ‘I’m going to raffle him off.’
The farmer said, ‘You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!’
Chuck said, ‘Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.’
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, ‘What happened with that dead donkey?’
Chuck said, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00.’
The farmer said, ‘Didn’t anyone complain?’
Chuck said, ‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.’
Chuck grew up and now works for the government.