I have a couple good ones for today, so let’s start off with this from the lovely Miranda:
I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling. Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95-year old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, ‘He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.’
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people that were nearly 100 years old, having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
‘Oh, no, my dear,’ replied granny. ‘Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding, and out on the Dong.’
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, ‘He’d still be alive today if that ice cream truck hadn’t come along.’
And this one from my Cotillion sister, Debra:
An email from Ireland to the brethren in the States…a point to ponder despite your political affiliation:
“We, in Ireland, can’t figure out why people are even bothering to hold an election in the United States. On one side, you have a pants wearing lawyer, married to a lawyer who can’t keep his pants on, who just lost a long and heated primary against a lawyer who goes to the wrong church who is married to yet another lawyer who doesn’t even like the country her husband wants to run.
Now, on the other side, you have a nice old war hero whose name starts with the appropriate ‘Mc’ terminology married to a good looking younger woman who owns a beer distributorship.
What in Lord’s name are ye lads thinking over there in the colonies?”