These funnies came courtesy of my mother:
Granny Adams made such beautiful pies! One day, I asked her, ‘How do you get such beautiful pies with the crimps around the edge so even?’
‘Well, it’s a family secret,’ she said. ‘But if you promise not to tell, I’ll let you in on it.’
‘Okay,’ I said. ‘Tell me!’
‘Well, first, I roll out the dough, making sure it is flat and even.
Then I cut out the bottom layer and carefully put it in the pie plate and make sure it is firmly against the sides of the plate.
Then I slowly pour in the filling, making sure it’s not too full.
Next, I cut out the top layer and carefully put it over the filling.
Finally, I take out my teeth and just run them around the edge of the pie crust and they make the nicest even impressions you ever did see!’
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn’t find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: “I have circled the block 10 times. If I don’t park here, I’ll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses.”
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note “I’ve circled this block for 10 years. If I don’t give you a ticket I’ll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.”