These two funny bits come courtesy of Cookie:
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?” The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
“Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?” The little boy nodded yes.
“So,” the coach continued, “I’m sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn’t argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?” Again the little boy nodded.
He continued, “And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it’s not good sportsmanship to call your coach ‘a dumb ass’ is it?” Again the little boy nodded.
“Good,” said the coach. “Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother.”
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And this one comes courtesy of my mother:
A teacher in Elmira , New York asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny. The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different..
Little Johnny says, ‘Because I’m not an Obama fan.’ The teacher says, ‘Why aren’t you an Obama fan?’ Johnny says, ‘Because I’m a Republican.’ The teacher asks him why he’s a Republican. Little Johnny answered, ‘Well, my mom’s a Republican and my dad’s a Republican, so I’m a Republican’ The teacher asks, ‘If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?’
With a big smile, Little Johnny replies, ‘That would make me an Obama fan.’