I keep thinking that maybe work/life/everything will slow down for a few minutes so I can write more, but I should know that’s never going to happen. LOL
Actually, it’s probably a good thing that I wasn’t writing anything on here. With the surgery now over, and I’ve stopped all the nasty hormones I was taking, it took a bit for all of it to get out of my system. For a good solid month or so, I was in and out of a dark place … for absolutely no reason at all. My moods were wildly out of control for a bit while my body was adjusting. (my apologies have been repeatedly given to everyone around me who has been putting up with me!) But like I said, I’m doing better now. My mood levels have been more stable and though I am not feeling quite like I did a year ago, at least I am not in pain like I was. I am still having trouble getting my sleep back on schedule, but the dark thoughts have stopped.
I once made the mistake once of telling my mother exactly what was on my mind at that exact moment when we spoke on the phone. I think I scared her, because she started calling me every day for a while after that … most likely checking to make sure I was “still ok.” I’d reassured her several times that I wasn’t going to hurt myself or do anything rash, but I don’t think she believed me. Again, I blame the hormones and grief. Logically, I knew everything was OK and that I was just freaking out so much due to a chemical imbalance, but my feelings, thoughts, and dreams told me differently.
The nightmares were truly horrifying … I seriously cannot begin to explain to y’all except that I will say that I was honestly scared to go to sleep most days. I was terrified of my own mind. Sometimes it’s not a good place for me to dwell, which is why I have so many distractions.
Yep. Definitely glad to be done with all of that!
Work is crazy, but then again it always is. I guess that’s a good thing. I like what I do, and I will never NOT have anything to do for a very very (VERY) long time. I go out with friends when I’m not at home catching up on Netflix/Hulu or gaming. In fact, I have bounced from game to game so I’m not playing Revelation all that much anymore. My guild disbanded and most of my friends from the Chinese server have left. LOL But one of my Aion fam told me about Aion Classic (which was, as of yesterday, renamed to Aion Dwarfpicker), so I’ve been playing there.
In fact, I play with the man I’ve been seeing. He’s joined my guild there and it’s something that we enjoy doing together. He’s incredibly smart, handsome, works hard (and is a bit of a workaholic like me), a gamer like me, and just slays me with his sharp wit. And he loves me. I’m a very lucky gal. :)
So, sorry I’m not posting very often. I’m doing better and better, and am getting to a good place. I promise.
How are y’all? I miss y’all.