It’s finally over. I received my copy of the papers this afternoon. I’m sure he’ll be getting his as well.
I thought that on this day I would feel different. I thought I might feel empowered. I mean, sure, part of me is happy; now I can finally move on. However, a part of me is sad; I still have this great big hole in my heart.
For the last few years I had so many “maybe’s” floating around in my head … maybe if I had stood up for myself more … maybe if I had done this, or not done that. It doesn’t matter now. It was so hard to forgive myself and to let go. Even harder was finally coming to a realization that I had known all along, but was afraid to face. I lost myself to someone who couldn’t, or wouldn’t when the going got tough, hold up his end of the bargain.
So now I’m getting myself back. It’s a slow process, but each little step forward is just that — forward. This is a good thing. I know now that what so many have told me for years is true. I do deserve better.