I’m sure many Bama fans (like myself) are a little on edge today. Rumors have been circulating all morning that the new head football coach may be announced today.
One of first things Jim said to me this morning was “Hey, you guys might get Spurrier!” — I wanted to upchuck. :???:
Anyways, I’ve been checking the various Info-Bama sites and ran across something really cute on the BamaNation forums:
New Coach announced at UA: Chuck Norris
According to a reliable source, Chuck Norris has accepted the position of head coach at the University of Alabama. He is scheduled to arrive in Tuscaloosa by fiery chariot at 3:00 pm tomorrow.
Although he has no prior head coaching experience, Norris is believed to have used his patented roundhouse kick to travel back in time and take 20 years of coaching lessons from the legendary Paul “Bear” Bryant. Norris also holds the coveted rank of “houndstooth belt” in kung fu. Norris is not expected to be introduced at a press conference, as everyone knows damn well who he is. The first question on everyone’s mind is, “can he beat Auburn?” Norris’s response: “Any fingers that Tubby shows will be promptly roundhouse-kicked into oblivion. He might want to keep those ears tucked into his hat too.” He also said that he plans to address the offensive line issue by replacing the current “zone-blocking” scheme with a new “roundhouse blocking” scheme. He promised to explain this scheme further whenever he damn well pleases.
The Chuck Norris hiring has already proven to have an immediate effect on Alabama merchandising, as sales of houndstooth belts and headbands have risen 700% in the last 2 hours. More to come on this story and on the Tubberville suicide watch. Stay tuned.
Thanks, dayhiker, I needed that! :)