I internalize … a lot.
Back when I used to see a head shrinker (or rather, when I could afford to see one), it took almost 6 months for her to tell me that I needed to express myself more, stop internalizing everything, and to find constructive ways to deal with my buried “issues” — you know, the usual … anger, resentment, distrust.
I said “No thanks, doc. I’ll keep those, they help me write my best material!” She didn’t find that too funny.
After 6 months of her telling me what Matt could’ve told me that for free, I decided that my money was better spent on better things.
Yeah … booze, clothes, music, and art supplies. :cool:
But alas, that was a long time ago, and I’m on a slight tangent … but there’s a point to this, somewhere.
I go through periods where I don’t want to write anything, and I’ve been so totally there lately. Things at work have gone from bad to worse to Ground Zero. Friday my friend was fired. What’s worse is that she doesn’t understand why she was let go. She and Mr. Trouble got into another screaming match earlier last week … I think that was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. The company owner spoke to her Friday at 10 ’til time to go and told her that someone from her department had to go, and it was her.
The higher ups had been planning on this for a while, I had seen things here and there, and had heard a few whisperings so I knew that it was coming — just didn’t know when. What makes me feel horrible was that there was nothing I could do or say in her defense, nor could I help prevent this from happening. The company had already hired her replacement … we found out about it just before end of business. I’m training the replacement, in fact.
What worries me is that now Mr. Trouble is thinking he’s Mr. Invincible. He and I have already gotten into it twice when I called him on something that he was supposed to have been doing, but wasn’t.
What’s worse is that none of my bosses are here today so I can’t exactly go to them and get a clarification of boundaries when training Ms. Replacement. I know that some of Mr. Trouble’s old duties will now be hers, and vice versa. So he’s already started his “No, I don’t want to do that anymore, she can do it.” bullshit.
No dude, do your own damned job and let me do mine.
Anyways, Ms. Replacement seems nice, but my initial impression of her is someone who hides things. I’m trying to reserve judgment until I get to know her better, but that’s my first impression and I like to think I’m usually pretty spot on when it comes to most people. Jim says that he already sees me and her butting heads in the future over stuff … we’ll see.
I’ve been making a real effort over the last year to not be such a burr in other people’s butts over stupid shit. But I’m not doing that hot with this department am I? :???:
*sigh* … I hate my job.