Currently browsing: Birmingham

Tears falling on Alabama

I’d like to start by saying: We’re OK! We really appreciate the emails, texts, Tweets, Facebook messages, and so on. We made it out with little damage and are really counting our blessings. Many in our neighboring communities did not fare so well. My beloved state and home is hurting right now, and there are many who did not make it through the storms. My heart goes out to all affected by yesterday’s destructive weather.

Gardendale made it out OK for the most part. Our sister city, Fultondale, looks like a war zone. Had the tornado that hit Birmingham been just a few miles northward, that would’ve been us. But it wasn’t, I have to keep telling myself. We were really lucky. We have many friends in other affected communities: Cullman, Tuscaloosa, Prattville, Warrior, Huntsville, downtown Birmingham. This particular system hit all the way up and down the state, leaving massive destruction in its wake. We had plenty of warning, but how do you prepare for an F5 tornado?

It just goes to show that no matter how prepared you think you are, it’s never enough. I’ve found that a smart phone is no replacement for a weather radio or battery-operated radio and stock of flashlights. That said, I have to give kudos to ABC33/40 for their nice weather app. I’m a big Fox6 fan, but found 33/40′s easier to use when we lost power. I was able to still get streaming video and weather updates …

… at least until the cell towers died.

But seriously, there’s still a lot of folks sitting in the dark right along with us; or worse, have no home to come back to. Please keep my fellow Alabamians in your thoughts and/or prayers. And for anyone looking for resources to help (or for help), here’s what I’ve found so far:

To donate to disaster victims in Alabama:

• Online: go to www.alredcross.org and click on the “donate now” link on the homepage
• Call: 1-800-RED-CROSS (1-800-733-2767) and you will be prompted to a menu that includes financial donations
• Text: “Red Cross” to 90999. A response will include two options for donations, either to Japan or for Disasters: domestic and spring storms.

To get in touch with local chapters:

• Northern Alabama http://www.redcrossrelief.org/
• Mid-Alabama (Birmingham) http://www.alredcross.org/general.asp?SN=8618&OP=8619&IDCapitulo=DRGYJ0Q5XZ
• Central Alabama (Montgomery) http://www.montgomeryarc.org/
• Southern Alabama http://www.redcrossalcoast.org/

Find a Red Cross shelter near you:

• Visit http://www.redcross.org/nss/

For storm survivors: Register yourself as “Safe and Well:”

• https://safeandwell.communityos.org/cms/index.php

Time for an upgrade

Jim and I had talked before about upgrading our cars, but it really wasn’t possible until after he’d been working again for a while. On a whim, we went out last weekend “to look” … and I fell in love.

We spent today trading in my old car, a 2003 Hyundai Santa Fe, for a newer model — a 2011 Hyundai Santa Fe Limited FWD V6.

Another red car, wheeeee!

Those are the pics I took on my iPhone while we were waiting on the financing team to process our credit application. Interestingly, my credit score has improved greatly since the last time we applied for credit on anything (the house, before our layoffs). Jim’s has gone up a little, but the damage from his ex is still a huge black spot on his record. (Thank you, you stupid bitch.)

We’re planning on upgrading his car when the 2012 models come out. We didn’t have to put any money down on mine, but most definitely will have to on his. Oh well, things are good. All in all, today was taxing but ended with great results. I came home with a tremendous headache and went right to bed (waking up about an hour ago, LOL), but now I’m sitting here at my desk looking over all of the documentation and driver’s manual.

I can’t wait to take it out tomorrow!

We had gone to Tameron Hyundai here in Birmingham and I have to say that they tried their damnedest to make the process as stress-free as possible. A GREAT change from our last car-buying experience, which was a complete nightmare.

Seriously, they treated us so well and were so great about everything that we will definitely be seeing them in about 9 months to do this again!

Humpday Hilarities

I have a bounty of funnies today — all football related.

These are all courtesy of my co-workers:

An Auburn math professor comes in all ticked off and says, “You guys did very poorly on my test yesterday. I will not be surprised if half of you fail my class!”

A student raises his hand and the professor says “What?”

The student says, “But Professor, I’m the only one in the class.”

A man takes his wife, (who used to be an Auburn Cheerleader) hunting, and impresses on her again and again that “If you shoot a deer, don’t let someone else claim that they shot it also and that since they killed it… it’s their deer!”

He’s in his stand for hardly 10 minutes when he hears his wife shooting nearby. He rushes over to her stand to find her pointing her gun at a man who is loudly disclaiming, “It’s your deer lady. It’s your deer. Just lemme get my saddle off it!!!!”

A guy named Joe receives a free ticket to the Iron Bowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Joe arrives at the stadium, he realizes his seat is in the last row in the upper deck. He is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter, Joe sees through his binoculars an empty seat 10 rows from the field right on the 50 yard line. He decides to take a chance and make his way through the stadium to the empty seat. As he sits down, Joe asks the gentleman sitting next to him, “Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?” The man says “No”.

Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Joe again inquires of the man next to him, “This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Auburn-Alabama game and not use it?!” The man replies, “Well actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Iron Bowl we haven’t been together at since we got married in 1960.”

“Well, that’s really sad,” Joe said, “but still, you couldn’t find anyone to take the seat? A friend or close relative?”

“No,” the man relied, They’re all at the funeral!”

An Auburn city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old farmer living outside Tuscaloosa. The farmer’s prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The farmer only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace. The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the farmer and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the farmer agreed to take half of what he was asking.

After the farmer had signed the release and took the check, the Auburn lawyer couldn’t resist gloating a little over his success, telling the farmer, “You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn’t have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn’t have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!”

The old farmer replied, “Well, I’ll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning.”

What do two quarters at the bottom of a toilet and an Auburn cheerleader have in common?

Everyone sees them but no one picks them up.

What do you call an Auburn football player with a National Championship ring?

“Thief.”

What’s the difference between an Auburn fan and a litter of puppies?

After 6 weeks, the puppies stop whining.

A young boy and his mother were in the cemetery visiting the grave of a loved one. They came upon a headstone that read, “Here lies a Auburn graduate and an honest man.” The boy then asked his mother, “Mommy, why did they bury two men in there?”

An Auburn football player was bragging to a group of co-eds that he finished a jigsaw puzzle in only 3 months. One girl said, “Three months? You’re proud of that?” The Aubie said, “Yep. On the box it said 4-6 years!”

A man walks into a store says to the clerk, “I’d like a pair of blue shoes, a orange shirt, a pair of white pants.”

The clerk looks at him and shakes his head saying, “You must be an Auburn fan!”

The man proclaims with pride, “How could you tell, was it the color scheme?”

The clerk looks at him and says “No, this is a hardware store.”

A football fan walks into a small shop in Birmingham. He spots a bottle labeled “Alabama Football Player Brains”, $5 an ounce. He asks the clerk if there are any other bottles.

The clerk replies, “Well, we’ve got Tennessee brains for $10 an ounce, and Auburn football brains for $1,000,000 an ounce.”

The man says, “Why the big difference in price?”

The clerk answers,”Do you know how many Auburn football players we have to kill to get an ounce of brains!”

Two boys are playing football in a vacant lot when one of the boys is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the first little boy rips a board off a nearby fence, wedges it down the dog’s collar, and twists, breaking the dog’s neck and killing him instantly.

A reporter, who happens to be strolling nearby, sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. “That was the most incredible act of bravery I’ve ever seen!” the reporter exclaims. He whips out his notebook and furiously scribbles the headline: “Young Bama Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal!”

The little hero sees this and says, “But sir, I’m not a Bama Fan, I’m an Auburn Fan!”

The reporter looks warily at the boy for a moment, then flips the page and begins a new headline: “Little Redneck Kills Beloved Family Pet”

What do they put on the bottoms of Coke bottles at Auburn?

Please open other end.

Why is ice is no longer available in the drinks at the cafeterias at Auburn?

The senior who knew the recipe graduated.

I hope everyone has a lovely Thanksgiving! Can’t wait until Friday to see the big game!

ROLL TIDE ROLL!

Humpday Hilarities

Yeah, yeah, I’m late again. Work’s been kicking me in the gluteus maximus all week and I’m still playing catchup. Hehehe…

So anyways, this week’s edition starts off with this funny from Charnita’s Xpressions (via Rachel at Bama Bloggers):

Visitor’s Guide to Birmingham (Alabama)

First, you must learn to pronounce the city name. It’s ‘Bur-min-ham’.

Driving Information: Burmin’ham has its own version of traffic rules…

1. The truck with the loudest exhaust goes next at a 4-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires goes after that. (Note: Blue haired ladies driving anything have right-of-way anytime.)

2. To find anything in the city it is required that you know where Malfunction Junction is… which is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. It is one of only two ‘cloverleaf’ formation interchanges in the world. We invented it and only one other city was stupid enough to implement it again… Atlanta- making them dumber than we are.

3. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00 AM. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00 PM. Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday morning a runs thru Saturday Noon. If the term ‘merging delays’ is ever used by the person reporting the traffic, even in passing, call in to work and tell them that you will be at least 30 minutes late regardless of where you are in your commute.

4. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be (at the very least)rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. This applies to male and female drivers alike.

5. You must know that ‘I-459′, ‘ I-59′, ‘I-20′, and ‘I-65′ are the same road they just loop around the city. We think this was a ploy to confuse outsiders and discourage visitors after the War of Northern Aggression.

6. Always, always, always, find out if it is a race weekend before you get on any of these ‘roads’ to travel somewhere. If it is a race weekend, stay home or go to the races. You won’t be going anywhere else!!!

7. Construction is a permanent fixture in Burmin’ham. The barrels are moved around in the middle of the night to make the next day’s driving bit more exciting.

8. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as deer, skunks, dogs,barrels, cones, cows, horses, potholes, cats, armadillos, pieces of other cars, opossum, truck tires, raccoons, squirrels, rabbits, and crows or vultures feeding on any of these items.

9. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been ‘accidentally activated’…

10. The minimum acceptable speed on ‘I-65′ (see item 5 above) is 85 mph.Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is Alabama’s State Highway sponsored version of NASCAR, especially during rush hour (see item 3 above) when it’s 85 and everyone in the city is driving at once, bumper to bumper. If you are in the left lane and only going 70 in a 55-65 zone, you are considered a road hazard, and will be treated accordingly…

11. Do not gawk at the woman in the car beside you in traffic who is applying make up, talking on a cell phone, drinking a Diet Coke, smoking a Marlboro, and maintaining a steady speed of 85 mph on I-65 in rush hour traffic. If she is coming from North of Burmin’ham, she might be packing. If she is coming from South of Burmin’ham, she IS packing and is not afraid to use it.

Weather Information:

1. If it’s 110 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend

2. If its 10-20 degrees and sleeting/snowing, then watch out, Burmin’ham residents consider this ‘demolition derby’ day and will be all over the roads (front ways, back ways, etc). Please proceed with caution, as you could be their next target.

Seasonal Information:

1. If you stick to the seats in your vehicle, it is Spring.

2. If you need to let the car ‘get some air’ by standing next to it with the doors open for a minute before you can stick your upper body inside to crank it and get the air going, it is Summer.

3. If you are sweating even with the windows down, driving 55 mph, it is Fall.

4. If you finally turn the AC off and roll your windows up, it is Winter.

General Information: (and this is very important)

1. Do not ever speak to anyone during the song ‘ Sweet Home Alabama unless it is to sing along with the lyrics. This is like the State Song and will erupt in a brawl if everyone doesn’t show ‘proper respect’ to the band who gave us ‘Free Bird’. This is especially true if alcohol is present. Notice I didn’t say ‘sold at this event’ but present.

2. Yes, we know that Vulcan is mooning the entire city. It’s not that funny to us anymore.

3. If you ask someone for a ‘coke’, they will immediately ask you what kind’? This is not a trick question. Tell them what you want: Sprite,Dr.Pepper, Root Beer, etc… it’s all ‘coke’.

4. All tea is sweet. If it’s not sweet, you have crossed the Mason Dixon Line and are in the North.

Y’all come back now, ya hear!

And one for the “you can’t make this stuff up” file, this story comes straight from local headlines this week:

As Jefferson County deputy pumps gas, wanted man talks himself into arrest

There are dumb criminals who think they are smart, and then there are the few willing to admit their shortcomings. Matthew Kinard falls into the latter category.

On Thursday night, the 27-year-old Kinard was parked next to a Jefferson County sheriff’s deputy pumping gas at a service station when he walked over to her, and asked her to check and see if he had any outstanding warrants.

Sgt. Venita Edge said she would oblige, but warned him that if there were warrants, he was going to jail.


Kinard gave her his driver’s license and said he didn’t think he had warrants but if so, to please not arrest him.


It was obvious to the sheriff’s sergeant that something wasn’t right, said Chief Deputy Randy Christian. While she was running the check, Kinard couldn’t shut up.

He talked the entire time — telling Edge about having prescriptions but being arrested for illegal drugs, and having been shot but then charged with loitering for drugs. His pupils were constricted and he was sweating profusely. He was moving and jumping around.

The computer check showed Kinard had an outstanding warrant for unlawful possession of a controlled substance. Believing he was a danger to himself and others, Edge arrested him.

An inventory of his truck turned up Lortab pills.

Kinard is charged with unlawful possession of a controlled substance, unlawful possession of drug paraphernalia and public intoxication. He is in the county jail on $14,000 bond.

While en route to the lockup, Kinard had this to say to the sergeant: “I am the stupidest criminal in the world.”


Authorities agreed. “Obviously,” Christian said, “he took the words right out of my mouth.”

I do believe that’s the understatement of the year.

Hopefully things will be back to normal next week. Until then, keep sending me all your funnies!

Call me ‘Proud Momma’

Wow, tomorrow’s Halloween already. How time has flown! We’ve been uber-busy over the past few months. Jim is doing ok, still looking for work. I’m doing ok at my new job. Things are finally starting to settle down and I think I’m getting the hang of things. I’ve been there nearly 6 months, though I still feel very much like a n00b some days, LOL!

We’re still working on the house here and there as time permits. We’ve started renovating both of the bathrooms and have started painting each room one at a time. Once Jim finds work, we can start the financing stuff again. The builder’s company that currently owns the home we want has been great about extending our contract as long as we need it, so that has definitely been one less thing to worry about!

We’ve all been spending our spare time playing Aion (as I’m sure everyone has gathered by now, LOL!). It’s been a great experience for Jessie so far. It amazes me how quickly she has picked up the MMO lingo and how she interacts with other people online — both in our guild and in pickup groups. Aion has also been excellent motivation when it comes to good behavior at home and diligence in her school work. She’s allowed to play Aion as long as she keeps up her studies and her grades, and so far it’s working great!

She’s doing REALLY well this year in middle school. She loves her teachers, her classes, and having more kids come in from area feeder schools has put a good mix of kids in her classes (rather than the same 20+ for the last 6 years). For the most part, she’s getting along much better with her schoolmates from what we can tell. We know there have been small “picking” events, but nothing near like the bullying she experienced in the elementary school. (although it helps that the two biggest bullies are no longer in the JeffCo school system — one is at an alternative school and the other now being homeschooled and “getting treatment for issues”)

Jessie is a completely different child now, it’s absolutely amazing.

I had been meaning to post about this for a while, but what prompted me was a story posted in The Birmingham News today about Trey Figures, a 12 year old boy in Anniston who committed suicide earlier this week. Reading Trey’s story broke my heart, not only because he is the same age as my child, but also because he was being bullied in a school that was completely unaware of the problem, and wasn’t doing enough to correct it.

I know I posted a little about Jessie’s bullying in the past on here. I can’t tell you how many phone calls Jim and I made to the school office, how many parent/teacher conferences we had, or how many meetings we had with the vice-principal and/or principal. (We even spoke with the parents of one of the kids who bullied her the most and even that proved fruitless.) The fact of the matter was: the school ALWAYS promised to do more, but what little that was done was never enough.

Honestly, Jessie never really started doing better until she was out of that school for good. Like most kids, she’s never the most excited in the mornings about actually going to school and doing classwork and accompanying homework, but she doesn’t beg me NOT to take her anymore. She doesn’t beg to stay out of school or stay home. She comes home in a good mood, instead of crying or sitting sullen in constant hostility to everyone around her. There’s less attitude and general bad behavior at home. You can tell just by being around her that she is a happier child.

Oh, and her grades have finally come back up! Did I tell y’all she made the A-B Honor Roll? She was just a few points shy of having straight A’s!!!!

This child hasn’t done this well since the very beginning of her school years!! The feedback we get from her teachers has been very encouraging and tells us that she is not only doing better at home, but in also at school and in class. She no longer acts up. She’s genuinely interested in her favorite subjects again and now applies herself more. One teacher put on her report card that she’s a “very respectful student.” Another tells us she “puts forth a lot of effort in class.”

Who wouldn’t be proud of that?

Anyone who knows me knows I’m a proud momma, and I’m sure Trey’s momma is no different. This morning I read Trey’s story and thought to myself, “That could very easily be any child — even mine.”

While I am very thankful and know I am truly blessed to see this wonderful transformation in my child, it breaks my heart to see a mother who won’t get the chance to see it in her own. As a personal favor to me, please keep Trey’s loved ones in your prayers.

My own blizzard

Boy, such a flurry of events have been whirling around me and my kin lately!

An American Visit

Friday I chaperoned Jessie’s class field trip to American Village in Montevallo. Even with the bad weather coming through (tornadoes and rain galore, yuck!), we still had a very good time. And I tell ya, I really wish I had visited American Village when I was Jessie’s age … I think I would have looked at history a whole LOT differently!

I’ve suggested to Jim that we head down there one weekend for one of their events or sometime in the summer when the weather is a little more accommodating!

Despite the bad weather and dampened spirits (my Lord, I’ve never seen so many pouty faces in one place! LOL!), I did manage to snap off a few shots:

The Home Front

We had our first interested party view the house last week. Friday night, to be exact. Our realtor called this weekend to let us know that they liked the layout and wanted to come back and see it again. So this weekend we busted some tail and cleaned and painted the entire bottom level. Jessie hasn’t packed a whole lot because she’s with her mother more these days, so we’ll get around to finishing her room last.

I’m trying not to get TOO excited, but I can’t help but want to get my hopes up!

We still haven’t gotten an answer yet on whether or not we got the loan on the new house. More paperwork was needed and faxed off last week. I’m hoping we hear something this week.

OMG … snow? In the South?!

Yes, it snowed here. We received between 3 and 4 inches here. Some parts of Birmingham received up to 7 inches!!!

Jessie was at her mother’s, so I’m sure she had a good ole time in it. I did manage to get a few shots of the pretty white stuff before the other neighborhood kids ran amok and transformed it all to dirty snowballs and lumpy stick-wielding snowmen. :lol:

Pass the Halls!

Either it’s the irritants in the cleaners, the paint fumes, or being out in the rain all day Friday (or a combination of all three), but I have been sick all weekend and feel generally like death warmed over today. I traipsed in to work to discover that my machine was hosed, so I couldn’t have done much of anything productive even if I wanted to.

Everyone kept telling me I should’ve stayed home because I sounded terrible — I think I’ll take their advice and stay in tomorrow. *ugh*

And last but not least …

One of my themes has recently been featured in a WordPress tutorial over on YouTube:

A big thanks to Kristie for letting me know about it, and to ktinboulder for selecting my theme!

Humpday Hilarities

Courtesy of my Cotillion sister, Beth C:

Posted to Craig’s List Personals:

To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Birmingham )

Date: 2009-01-06, 3:43AM EST

I was the white guy with the brown Burberry leather jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend’s purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I’d like to apologize.

I didn’t expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, because it wasn’t that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that COLT 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It’s a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn’t it?

I know it probably wasn’t a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you’d come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your jockey shorts. I’m sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. I couldn’t have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or “Momma” as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.

I also called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They’ll be on your bill in case you’d like to know which ones. SoBell recently shut down the line, and I’ve only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don’t know what’s going on with that. I hope they haven’t permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA’s office with it. Oh well.

So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I’d like to make it up to you. I’m sure you’ve already washed your jockey shorts and your pants, so I’d like to help you out. I’d like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I’d also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I’m hoping that you’ll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we’ll do lunch and laundry. Peace!

– Alex

And this one is courtesy of Scott Allan:

Alabama Judge gives 7 year old right to decide custody.

Birmingham , Al, December 31, 2008

A seven year old boy was at the center of a county courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy had a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Auburn University Football Team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

Roll Tide!!!

Iron Bowl week continues …

These are courtesy of the Tide Fans forums:

A recruit from Birmingham, a highly prized 5-star long snapper, was driving down to Auburn for his final visit. He had made the decision that the loveliest village on the plains would be his school. As he merged onto Hwy 15, he saw a sign that read, “Auburn University – Left.”

Disappointed, he turned around and went back home.

Alabama Power hired 3 Auburn players and 3 Alabama players to put up pole for the summer. The supervisor for both crews took them out and assigned the Auburn crew to put pole down one street and the Bama player down another.

At the end of the day both crews come back in to the shop and the supervisor asked the Bama crew, “how many poles did you guys plant today?” One of the players responded, “15.” The supervisor replied, “pretty good first day. Try to improve tomorrow.”

The supervisor then asked the Auburn crew, “how many poles did you guys plant today?” One of the players responded, “3.” The supervisor replied,”In eight hours you only planted 3 poles. I know this was your first day on the job but the Bama guys planted 15. What gives?” One of the Auburn players protested, “But boss, you should see how shallow they buried theirs!”

A man sitting on a bench in downtown Auburn noticed as two Auburn students in a “City of Auburn – Public Works” truck drove up and parked.

The students walked over by a long sidewalk where one proceeded to dig a hole with a shovel. As soon as he finished digging the other student took his shovel and proceeded to fill the hole back up with the dirt that had been dug out.

The man continued to watch. This went on until about fifty carefully spaced holes were dug and filled back in.

The man finally could stand it no longer. He walked over and said, “Guys, I admire your work ethic, you’ve been busting your tails big time. But why is one of you digging a hole and the other one filling it back up”?

The first student looked at the man and answered, “Well normally we’re a three man crew…but the student who plants the trees took the day off”.

ROLL TIDE!

Seen in a 5 Pts pawn shop

You can’t see it in this fuzzy pic, but the pin has a #1 on it.

I think I need one of these for my desk here at work!

WordPress dupe content workaround

Recently I’ve started paying more attention to Google’s Webmaster Tools. As much as I hate to admit it, they’ve been really useful in helping me track down outdated content and bad links, and really clean up search results for my site. One of the many things I had kept putting off for this site was removing duplicate content — in my case, posts with duplicate titles and descriptions.

Google is known for ‘punishing‘ websites with lower rank for this. Donna Fontenot touched on this in her “SEO For WordPress” presentation at WordCamp Birmingham earlier this month. She had displayed some examples for nuking duplicate content search results by modifying your header’s meta robots, title, and description tags.

As you can see, my weekly “Humpday Hilarities” posts, although not yet completely indexed by Google’s bots, definitely fall into this category.

As it stood, my site loomed perilously on the edge of getting one of those infamous “Duplicate Content Penalty” from Google (assuming it hadn’t already!). So to get around this, I made a few changes to my template’s headers.php file. In addition to Donna’s robots suggestion, I modified my description based loosely from the code in her presentation:

I also modified my title a bit based on her coding as well:

Basically in both of these snippets, I am checking the post title to see if it’s “Humpday Hilarities” and if it is, add the date into the code to make both the meta title and description tags unique. While most users would never need anything like this, anyone who posts a specific topic with repeating titles might find this handy.

What do you think?

Feedback, questions, constructive criticism is (as always) welcome. Feel free to use the comment form below!

Next Page »