Humpday Hilarities

Today’s funnies start off with these from Cookie:

You can’t fix stupid

My husband was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit even though he knew that he was not speeding.

Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.

Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area once more, but the traffic camera again flashed.

He tried a fourth and fifth time with the same results and was now laughing as the camera flashed while he rolled past at a snail’s pace.

Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.

Nope, you can’t fix stupid.

My wife asked me, “How many women have you slept with?”

I proudly replied, “Only you, Darling. With all the others, I was awake.”

Hospital Visiting Hours are 10 AM to 8 PM.

A preacher said, “Anyone with ‘special needs’? Who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar.”

With that, Marvin got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, “Marvin, what do you want me to pray about for you?”

Marvin replied, “Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing.” The preacher put one finger of one hand in Marvin’s ear, placed his other hand on top of Marvin’s head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a “blue streak” for Marvin, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, “Marvin, how is your hearing now?”

Marvin answered, “I don’t know. It ain’t ’til Thursday.”

And here’s one of those moments when nature gets a little too “natural”: