Humpday Hilarities

This funny bit comes courtesy of my Cotillion sister, Vivian:

11 People on a Rope

Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter, 10 men and 1 woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren’t able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.

She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.

As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping …

Not to be out-done, one of my co-workers sent me this one:

And finally, this one from Steve:

Holiday Fruitcake Recipe

Ingredients:
1 C Water
1 C Sugar
4 Large eggs
3 C dried fruit
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 C Brown sugar
Lemon juice, nuts
1 FULL bottle of your favorite whiskey

Directions:

• Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
• Take out a large bowl.
• Check the whiskey again to be sure that it is of the highest quality.
• Pour 1 level cup and drink. Repeat.
• Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 C of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
• Add 1 tsp. sugar and beat again.
• Make sure the whiskey is still OK.
• Cry another cup. Turn off the mixer.
• Break two geggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
• Mix on the burner.
• If the fried fruit gets stuck in the beaters,
• Pry it loose with a screwdriver.
• Sample the whiskey to check for toxisisticity.
• Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey.
• Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
• Add one tablespoon of sugar or something…whatever you can find.
• Grease the oven. Turn on the cake tin to 350 degrees.
• Don’t forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window.
• Check the whiskey again. Go to bed. Who the hell likes fruit cake anyway???