Currently browsing: Work

I kinda miss me

Well, where do I start?

I’m finally working again! The job I thought I had a couple months ago fell through. Somewhere between getting the verbal offer and waiting a week for the written offer, they decided to hire someone “a little more experienced” (either younger or asked for less money?), so I took the next offer I received, working as a tech operator for a small web hosting company here in Birmingham. Basically I’m doing Linux and web hosting tech support for account owners and resellers. It’s really interesting, and has instilled a greater appreciation for the support staff at my own web host, Lunarpages.

I’ve been learning my way around WHM (the back-end of cPanel) as well as other control panel applications, as well as re-learn Linux because I hadn’t touched it in YEARS before this point. o.O But it’s cool, and I like the guys I work with, they’re a good bunch. I wish the pay and benefits were better, but it is what it is — a low-level tech support job. And let’s face it, IT jobs are very hard to come by in Birmingham, so I know I’m lucky to get this.

It feels good to be working again. It feels good to be needed and useful.

I spend my lunches reading books. That’s another hobby that I dropped over the years and wished I hadn’t, so now I’m reading as much as possible. I renewed my library card and have been dropping by there every other week or so to drop off what I’ve read and pick up new books. One of the librarians giggled at my selections because they range from animal behavior to ancient folklore to religious studies to paranormal romance. LOL

Things at home are OK. Bruce is adjusting to me working, which I was really worried about. I worry about him being lonely when I’m not there. I felt guilty for not adopting his brother when I had the chance, but I couldn’t afford a second cat. Perhaps I’ll get him a play buddy later after my finances are caught up. I have a ton of reviews still needing to be written for his blog, so hopefully I’ll get time to work on that this weekend.

I’m still working on the redesign for my site. I think I’ve started over 4 times now in the last 9 months. There are a set amount of characteristics that I absolutely want in a design, but every solution I’ve come up with so far is missing something or I just hate it in general. I’ve been looking at a lot of HTML5 and responsive designs from other sites, but have not seen anything remotely close to want I want in functionality and aesthetics … and after a while they all look alike to me, which I also absolutely hate.

Maybe I’m just too picky?

Jessie is doing well in school. She’s almost completed her first year of high school, is studying for her driver’s license, and has had her share of boy troubles … she’s a typical teenage girl. She’s going to spend a month or so with her mother this summer (oh yeah, her mother moved to Nebraska some time back, that’s a long story for another time!), so she’s really looking forward to that. I think the time away will do her some good, though I’ll miss her like crazy.

The change of scenery would be good for her, and though she hasn’t said it directly, her mother would be providing something she desperately wants — a stable home with 2 parents. She posed the question once if she wanted to stay longer would I object. I told her if that’s what she really wanted and would make her happy, then I would support her decision. I added that I would miss her terribly, but it’s not like we can’t keep in touch via phone/texts, Facebook, gaming, etc.

It’s stability she needs, and I want what’s best for her. As long as she’s happy and safe, I’m fine … even if it’s not with me.

I’ve started looking at going back to school again. I’ve applied for a Pell grant, and have been approved for some financial aid at a few places. Now I need to figure out how I’m going to attend, where I want to attend, and what I want to take. Part of me would love to stay in IT, but given how hard it has been over the past 10 or so years to find and keep an IT job here, I wonder if I may do better in another field.

But I love IT the most, hence my dilemma … oh well, I have plenty of time to decide I guess?

Things with my folks are still touchy sometimes. My father is back to not speaking to me again. My mother and I have gotten closer and our relationship has improved a lot over the past year or so. I have to be careful to avoid the subject of my husband. Both of my parents feel that he’s used me, and that I should not be as accommodating as I should be to him. But then again I think my mother would feel better if I hated him too …

I am still very angry and resentful about a lot of things, but I have no desire to hate anyone. It’s wasted energy and honestly would undo what little progress I had made in therapy before I lost my job (and my insurance/benefits) last August. I want to be better than that, and I want to move forward. That said, yeah maybe I am too accommodating to him than I should be, but hurting him would hurt Jessie. And there’s no way in Hell I would ever purposefully hurt my child. She’s almost grown, and eventually she won’t be a shield for anyone to hide behind anymore. As far as I’m concerned, the issue will dissolve itself. Anyone who has more than two brain cells to rub together would be wise not to burn any bridges left with me.

So what else?

Oh yeah, I had another birthday. It sucked. No phone calls, no cards, no visits from friends who have dropped off the face of the planet for whatever reason since whatever point in time. I went to see my parents and regretted it — my father spent the meal picking apart my life choices. I left there that afternoon feeling worse than ever and wishing for a do-over.

Actually a do-over for the last entire year would be nice!

And actually, I’m still pretty angry about my birthday …

Mother’s Day was emotional but OK overall. I was afraid I was not going to have one, but Jessie came to stay with me for most of the weekend and gave me a movie and some chocolates. Her visit meant more to me than anything, but it was nice being appreciated and remembered. I’ve missed that so much since our family has broken up.

I felt unappreciated before … and I’ve felt pretty much forgotten ever since.

I’ll tell you, that sucks more than anything in the world, so I’m a little emotional when it comes to holidays now. Maybe it will get better, or, I’m hoping it will.

So, I think that’s most everything that’s gone on … I’m concentrating on working hard, paying off my debts, and trying to keep myself from falling back down into that dark pit I was in for so very long. I feel a lot better now than I have in a while, but I know I still have a long way to go until I’m “me” again.

I haven’t been “me” for such a very long time, and I kinda miss her.

Here’s hoping

Not much about my situation has changed. I’m still looking for a job. I’m still trying to stay positive. I feel like I’m doing better. I still have my good days and bad days, but I feel like I am moving forward and that’s what I need.

I have a job interview tomorrow. I may potentially have one next week, and I’m excited about both. I really miss working. Being at home sucks, LOL! But Bruce has helped fill my days with fun and laughter.

Jessie is doing well, her grades have been improving and she still enjoying high school. I don’t know how Jim is doing he hasn’t spoken to me much. I still speak to his mother from time to time. In fact I need really need to go see her. My parents have been doing okay. My mother and I are getting along great, and I’m really enjoying the time I am getting to spend with her now.

I have been working on a few projects here and there, and really need to get them posted here on the website. I have also been playing around with different apps on my iPad. In fact I’m drafting this post and Dragon naturally speaking for the iPad. It’s pretty neat, although I’m having to correct words here and there, and I think that’s due to my accent. I’m told that the more you use it the better it gets, so here’s hoping!

Well it’s about 1 AM in the morning, so I think I’ll end this here. Hopefully I can start blogging again more actively. I know I keep saying that, but considering I pretty much sleep with my iPad and carry it everywhere, perhaps that will make it a lot easier to post updates.

Humpday Hilarities

Today’s funnies start off with this one from my coworker, Tiffany:

Redneck Murder

Two reasons why its hard to solve a redneck murder.

1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.

This next one is from Don:

I’m doing OK

I really appreciate the out-pouring of love I’ve received from y’all. So many of you have emailed me expressing kind thoughts, advice, good wishes, and the like. If I could reach every single one of you, I’d hug you in a heartbeat! ♥

Many of you have asked: “How are you doing?” I’m doing OK. Not fantabulous, but given the circumstances, I think I’m handling everything rather well. I think I’ve got a good handle on my monthly budget, mapping out which expenses are clearly to be mine (the house, my car, etc.) and which ones Jim and I will have to split. I’m sure we’ll have other things creep up, but I really feel good about this.

Jim hasn’t done anything as far as I can tell. I’ve dropped hints about wanting to know when he plans to move out, but he’s either ignoring them, or missing them altogether. (I’m betting on the latter) While I’m in no hurry for he and Jessie to leave, I realize he’s a master procrastinator and will not move out on his own unless I nag him. He’s dragging his feet, and honestly, I don’t think he’s been looking at places or anything. Nothing’s packed, and we still have to hash out what furniture, appliances, and so forth will be going with them.

I’m dreading that, but a big part of me just wants to get it over with. I’m done being in limbo.

I still have my moments when I see or hear something that just makes me lose it, but I think I’m holding it together pretty OK. I did have to turn off my digital photo frame at work. It seemed every time I looked over, a picture of Jim or one of our wedding pics was up. I had been planning to swap out the photos on it anyways with newer ones of friends, family, and my favorite baby girl anyways.

So, that’s pretty much how things are — they’re OK. And I’m OK. Or, at least I think I will be.

I know everything will work itself out, eventually.

Humpday Hilarities

Today’s funnies are courtesy of one of my favorite Cheezburger Network sites: Monday Through Friday (work fails & job LOLs).

My install of Office didn’t come with this guy. Wonder if I need to upgrade?

I’m sure they’ll post an updated sign once this mystery is solved:

A little Star Trek and Microsoft humor … how many times has this happened to you?

Ah, I love honesty in a business!

And last but not least, if the internet was a gun:

I think that pretty well sums it up!

Humpday Hilarities

Wow, how is it Friday already? I mean, YAY it’s Friday!

We are slammed at work, so I hadn’t had a chance to post until this morning. Let’s start off with these from my mother:

LOL, maybe I need one of those signs!

This one is courtesy of Cookie:

And last but not least, this one is from Dave:

Have a great weekend!

Making a change

One of my goals has long been to lose weight. It’s not much when you look at the big picture of things, but it’s something I’ve been struggling with because of work and family obligations and my consistently slipping off the diet. (Comfort food is too comforting!) I came to the decision that I can’t do this alone and today took a first step in a new direction. I met with a personal trainer where I’ve been going (or rather, haven’t been going) to work out.

Getting all of my proper measurements done and putting my goals in writing helped more than I realized. I feel really good about this. They’re going to set me up with a couple of people to work with. Learn how to work out and use weights properly. Learn what kind of diet I ~should~ be eating. I’ll be accountable for something, I’ll have to show up on the days I have committed whether I feel like working out or not. They’ll also be on me to come in and work out even on days I don’t work with a trainer.

I’m essentially paying someone to nag me.

And I feel good about this. It’s going to be hard as Hell. My body and my fat are really good friends. They’re not going to want to separate.

I’ve been working very hard to re-organize other parts of my life. It’s about time I started taking care of my health. My headaches are getting worse because of the stress. Getting back down to a healthy weight would help minimize my pain, and would give me another outlet for stress. Most of all, I want this. I want my pre-wedding body back. I want to be able to run up a half dozen flights of stairs and not feel like I’m going to pass out. I want to start kickboxing again.

I want to feel better. And I should’ve done this a long time ago.

Wish me luck!

I’m ok, and that’s ok

I was perusing Tumblr and ran across this image:

I think that pretty much sums everything up. Things are better, but not fantabulous. We’re finally getting caught up financially and things are looking up as far as that goes. Personally, I would like to work towards putting our house back on the market and start paperwork on the house we wanted (YES! It’s still available!), but Jim’s not ready for that. And I don’t know if or when he will be. Us selling our house indicates promise for a future for “us” … and that’s still uncertain to him.

So, I’m still an emotional sponge. I soak up everything around me, and with the littlest bit of pressure, everything comes rushing out. But at least I’ve been able to hold it together a little better than before. Baby steps, I guess?

I know I haven’t posted much personal stuff … or really, anything at all, other than my weekly funnies. The truth is, I’m busy. We’re busy. And I try like mad to stay distracted or I’ll go out of my mind. (my ‘silly game‘ helps a lot with this, believe it or not, it’s been great therapy for me … in my opinion) And I try every day to find things that make me smile or laugh. Tumblr has been great for that. There’s SO MANY fan sites on there of things that I adore — from kittens and puppies to geeky sci-fi movies and tv shows.

So, like Jim and I have good days and bad days for us, I also have good days and bad days for me. And I’m working hard on keeping positive. The dark place I used to be in now has a little more light, and sometimes I think I can see better days ahead.

I still have hope.

Love and hugs to you all. I promise I’ll try to post more often. ♥

The State of the Blog

Time sure flies when you’re busy! I hadn’t meant to go this long before posting again. Whoops!

Things are going better. Christmas was great over all. I scored some great gifts from my hubby, spent time with friends and family, and was just grateful for … everything, really. Things aren’t fantabulous, but they are a lot better now than they have been over the last couple of years. Work is still uber-busy, which is a good thing. I have so many friends out of work, I know I’m very lucky to have a job right now. It’s not my dream job, but I like the place and I like my coworkers. Most importantly, it pays the bills and the benefits cover my family’s needs … I really can’t ask for much more than that, now can I?

I’m still spending a lot of my spare time gaming. Aion just had another significant update and the next “big” one is probably 6 months out. It’s fun, and I’ve met a lot of cool people. I have a few “real life” friends who play and I get to keep in touch with them that way. Plus Jess and I both play on the same server and it’s fun to just do that as a mother-and-daughter fun time.

Heck, I even created a whole separate blog just for my gaming stuff: Daevic Flux. (I didn’t want to dump all my game stuff on here because I know not all of y’all wanna see that )

So I guess I can’t complain about much going on lately. (Well, I could, but it wouldn’t do much good! LOL) I know I’ve been quiet … things are just busy, and busy is good, I think. Jess is growing up into a beautiful young lady right before my very eyes — and getting more like her father every day (oh boy, the attitude and that mouth, LOL!!!!). We have good days and bad days, but luckily things are mostly good.

Warmer weather would be nice to have though — NO MORE SNOW!!!!

So … y’all stay in and stay warm. Feel free to keep sending me funnies — they really do make my day.

Merry Christmas, Happy Solstice and Merry Yule, y’all!

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.”

When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

– Luke 2:8-20 NIV

So far, this Christmas is turning out much better than last year’s. I’m hoping the trend continues.

Jim let me open one of my presents from him this morning: a Philips Fidelio docking speaker. I’ve been wanting a speaker/player for my iPhone and he got me a NICE one! It hooks up to my iPhone to play tunes off it, or I can hook it up to my MP3 player. It can also charge my phone and sync up on my pc with a USB cable. It’s much nicer than the ones I had been looking at, and so I brought it to work with me today to play with it.

A new toy! YAY! Teehee!

We’ll be heading out of town tomorrow and will be in and out all weekend. I hope everyone has a safe and very Merry Christmas, Happy Solstice, and Merry Yule!

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