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Pain is bad, mmkay?

Looking back, I guess it should have struck me as strange that I wasn’t at all hungry Tuesday evening. I’d taken Jessie to work with me Tuesday and we had Stix for lunch. I just assumed because I’d had a huge greasy meal that I was a little out of sorts from that and didn’t think much about the lack of appetite. Around 2am Wednesday morning I awoke from a sound sleep with an excruciating pain. It hurt from just below my sternum, to underneath just the bottom of both sides of my ribs, all the way down the middle of my belly. It was like there was a huge burning knot in my abdomen and someone was trying to pull it tighter and tighter.

A slight back-track: I’d had this pain before, about 3 weeks ago, but it had only lasted a couple hours so I shrugged it off. This time was MUCH more intense and the pain lasted over 8 hours!

I know, I know … I should’ve had Jim take me to the emergency room, but I’m a proud stubborn (stupid!) woman and convinced myself that I could last the few hours until my doctor’s office opened. I phoned them as soon as they opened and was worked in that morning. I described to my doctor where I hurt and what I’d eaten the day before. She poked and prodded various places around my belly and sides — and even though the tightness and burning was gone, my stomach still HURT LIKE HELL when being pressed upon! She said it’s most likely my gall bladder and scheduled me for an ultrasound.

I had the ultrasound yesterday morning along with a few other tests, and am still waiting to hear the results. I know I’m driving the office staff crazy over there because I’ve been calling about every other hour asking if they had any news for me yet.

The not-knowing is killing me.

Everyone keeps telling me that gall bladder surgery is nothing to worry about nowadays and is “no big deal” … but you know me, I worry about the things I can’t control. Plus, I’m not crazy about being out of work the past couple days and I know that if/when I need surgery, I’ll need to be out more.

It serves me right for not having it checked out sooner I guess.

So, when I know more, I’ll post updates for everyone. Right now, it’s still pretty much a waiting game. If you’re the praying kind, I could really use it — and please include my family, they’re the ones putting up with me.

Rest in peace, dear friend, Fravia+

I came home tonight to find a message from Father Luke bearing sad news — Fjalar Ravia, the man better known as Fravia+, has passed away. I had posted a while back with news of his illness, and he had posted a Spring Update letting everyone know of some promising news, but it seems that his tumor had metastasized.

I’m currently sitting here reading his Sour ‘n Sweet Swan Song — his final message — and am a blubbering soppy mess. Though we had lost touch over the years, I have always considered him a mentor, and most of all, a friend. Fravia+, I will miss you very much.

Please pray for his loved ones left behind in these sad times.

Nothing yet is good, right?

Things have been so hectic, it hadn’t dawned on me that I hadn’t posted in a while until this afternoon. I had originally planned to post some things this passed weekend, but my headaches from Hades had other plans in mind. I’m just now catching up on last week’s and this weekend’s emails, so if you haven’t heard back from me yet … you will, just give me some time!

There’s still no word yet on whether or not we got the loan for the house. We were turned down by our current mortgage company (how screwed up is that???), but that’s ok because the rate on that loan was outrageous. We’ve been told that things look good with the new place, so I’m hoping like mad that we’ll get it, but the suspense is killing me. ;P

Oh well … no news is good news, right?

Humpday Hilarities

This one was sent to me by one of my co-workers:

Colonoscopy

This is from newshound Dave Barry’s colonoscopy journal:

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis. Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.

I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn’t really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, ‘HE’S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!’

I left Andy’s office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called ‘MoviPrep,’ which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America’s enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn’t eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes – and here I am being kind -like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, ‘a loose, watery bowel movement may result.’ This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don’t want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, ‘What if I spurt on Andy?’ How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn’t thought of this is, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was ‘Dancing Queen’ by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, ‘Dancing Queen’ had to be the least appropriate.

‘You want me to turn it up?’ said Andy, from somewhere behind me. ‘Ha ha,’ I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling ‘Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,’ and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

ABOUT THE WRITER

Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald on the subject of Colonoscopies. Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous… A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. ‘Take it easy, Doc. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before!
2. ‘Find Amelia Earhart yet?’
3. ‘Can you hear me NOW?’
4. ‘Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?’
5. ‘You know, in Arkansas, we’re now legally married.’
6. ‘Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?’
7. ‘You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out…’
8. ‘Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!’
9. ‘If your hand doesn’t fit, you must quit!
10. ‘Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.’
11. ‘You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?’
12. ‘God, now I know why I am not gay.’

And the best one of all …

13. ‘Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there? so she will quit telling everyone that I have Cranial Rectal Inversion & Optarectalosus’

Wow, I am going to hate moving!

Jim and I met with the realtor and builder’s rep yesterday. We signed a contract on the new house (which is of course contingent on us selling ours first) and put down the “good faith” earnest payment. So now we’ve got to go double-time on getting our current house ready to sell. We’ve basically got a week and a half to get most of our stuff moved out, all necessary fixtures replaced, the house painted, the carpeting replaced, and anything else that we think will help it sell faster.

I don’t have pix of the new house up. I took some yesterday using Jim’s cell, but they didn’t really come out (serves me right for not checking his cam settings first!). We’ll be going by there later this week, so I’ll take the “good camera” and get some proper shots taken and posted.

OMG, we’ve got so much to do!

Unfortunately my stress levels have been slightly elevated lately. I’ve had to double-up on my migraine pain meds, as I’ve had a headache pretty much every day lately. I’ve been a little snippy when I haven’t meant to have been.

God bless my family for putting up with me.

I’m dreading the actual move itself, but will be SO happy when all of this is over and done with!

I’m going to take the plunge

I was talking with a very good friend earlier today and our conversation turned to something that has been a “weighty” subject with me lately. We were looking at some pictures Jim had taken at Christmas. I asked, “Is that really how I look?” She sweetly assured me that she would LOVE to be my size and that I am “worrying about nothing.”

Oh sure, she’s 6 ft tall and gorgeous! Granted she’s what you might call “big boned”, but she’s also got all the curves that (IMO) a “real woman” should have. I admit it, I was envious — and I was appalled.

I know I’ve touched on it now and again on here, but I hadn’t actually verbally shared my weight fears with anyone, outside of my husband and my doctor. I eat pretty well, but I could do better. I know I don’t exercise enough, and I could do better.

My biggest problem has been my appetite. When my doctor had put me on Topamax for my migraines, it did wonders! It changed my taste for soda, helping me kick that bad habit for good (even to this day, cokes still taste a little “funny” to me!). It also stifled my appetite, helping me cut out all the snacks that I was constantly going for every afternoon and night. But the Topamax did little to help my headaches, so I was put on Amitriptyline.

The Amitriptyline has helped to significantly cut the frequency and severity of my headaches, but it has also doubled my appetite! What used to fill me up (before going on ANY meds) now does little to satisfy me. So in the course of a year and a half, I’ve undone what took two years for me to gain in both desirable weight and shape.

Because you know, it’s not just about the number on the scale!

Anyways, I’ve been looking into several products to help me out in that area, and I think I’ve finally found something that I could take to help me get back on track. Anoretix. While the website has the same fantastic claims as the others, I have seen a good bit of good feedback from people who have used the product. I have talked to my doctor’s office and it doesn’t interfere with any of my current medication, but I was advised to start out taking half of the recommended dosage.

I haven’t bought it yet, but I have spent the last few days reading various complaint and diet/drug review sites to see what others who have taken it have said. I did see that they have an unconditional money back guarantee (minus the shipping, of course) and that does impress me a bit … so if I try it and it doesn’t work for me, I’m only out the shipping cost in the end.

Belated: Bama vs Ole Miss Wallpaper

In all the rigmarole of packing and the excitement of vacation, I forgot to post these a couple of weeks ago!

I know, what’s wrong with me, right?

So here’s the wallpaper for the Ole Miss game. This week’s wallpaper will be coming up soon.

The vacation was great. I came home sick and spent most of the weekend in bed. Pics are still on various phones and the new camera — will post as soon as I feel human again.

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Johnson and Johnson cares

One of the reasons I’ve been so tied up at work lately: several of my clients are working on new grants, and as such have deadlines coming up.

Oh the joy of hurried mad designing!

I was perusing one of the company blogs and noticed in the links that one of my client’s new sponsors for their grant will be Johnson & Johnson (as in the makers of Band-Aids and many other popular healthcare products). This isn’t the first time UAB has worked in conjunction with a large company in the name of research, but it surprised me that this grant and it’s many sponsors has been so hushed.

Anyways, it’s nice to see that — a large company such as J&J aiding in research. A lot of good studies go on here.

I’ll stick to my pilates, thanks

I’ve started working out again, and even though it’s helping as far as my overall health goes, my appetite is still out of control and my metabolism seems unchanged (I know it takes a while!). While out running errands earlier this week, I stopped by a display for the newest “fat burner” pills in Wal-mart (Fentraphen).

I know what you’re thinking, and yes, I know it’s a waste of my time looking at that garbage.

So I’m reading the pamphlet and thinking “Oh yeah sure” to myself, and then I started reading the “Do not take if” section…

WARNING: Do not use if you are pregnant or nursing or at risk of or are being treated for high blood pressure, heart disease, renal disease, hyperthyroidism, spasms, psychiatric medication, suffer from migraines, …

Well, that strikes me out.

Fine. Screw you pill makers, I’ll stick to my pilates and steps, thank you very much.

Because I’m not her mother

I’ve touched on this subject several times, but never really took the time to go in-depth. It started when Jim and I first started dating and became serious — he introduced me to Jessie. I instantly fell in love with this child (who had just turned 5 at the time) and to this day love her as if she were my very own.

From the beginning Jessie’s mother was averse to the idea of another “mother figure” being in her life and strongly objected to Jessie viewing me as an authority figure. At one point, Jessie called me “Momma”, but her mother pitched fits and would berate Jessie until she stopped. Growing up in a tumultuous household, I understand and can relate — but it does not ease my pain.

I have always tried to remain civil or friendly to Jessie’s mother for Jessie’s sake, and try very hard not to say anything negative against her when she’s around. However, that woman has no idea of the contempt and resentment I hold for her for those actions. To this day, it still brings tears to my eyes and is a very sore subject with me. Her mother saw fit to encourage Jessie to question my authority and if I exerted any, Jessie would quickly counter with “You’re not my mother!”

I never blamed Jessie — she’s a child and had no idea how much that hurt. But her mother is a grown woman and knows better.

Granted, things are getting better with Jessie, as far as my role as an authority figure goes; however, I have found now that there are bigger more serious roadblocks than her mother. It seems to me like little insignificant things — the kind of things that you wouldn’t think would prove difficult for a stepparent (or at least I didn’t until now). For instance, Jessie is on my insurance. I handle all of the paperwork and finances for our family — yet, I cannot even sign a form to check her out of school, approve field trips, find out how many days she’s missed, or even to send medicine when she’s got a cold. (and not sick enough to be out of school)

For example, I had to check Jessie out of school for an orthodontist appointment a few weeks back. Usually I make the appointments for in the morning, but she had a test that day and I had it changed to afternoon so she could be at school most of the day. I went to the school office and told them who I was and why I was there. I was told that because I am not her biological parent or a legal guardian, that I would have to wait while they call my husband to get an OK for her to check out. Never mind that I am the first on the emergency contact list, and that every time she’s gotten sick at school, she has specifically requested they call ME. Never mind that *I* am the one who handles everything in the event of emergencies. I asked one of the office staff why wouldn’t I be able to do anything because I’m her stepmother and was told that it was Jefferson County rules. This turned out to be false, as Jim called the county office. However, it seems we’ll need to meet with the principal to discuss this, as it’s actually HER rule.

No biggie in the grand scheme of things, rules are rules, and the school principal is a very nice woman who has worked with us on various issues before.

But it’s not just the school thing that bothers me. I have been trying for months to get Jessie’s mother to cancel her old insurance because Jessie is now covered on mine. I nagged this woman for the last 6 months straight and she STILL won’t do it! Today I took it upon myself to call the state office — it’s state-sponsored insurance (or “free” insurance, as her mother calls it) — and was told that because I was not her biological parent, they could not speak to me.

I can understand that … I have worked in the health care industry for over 10 years and understand all too well about HIPAA rules and PHI. However, I offered to have my insurance company’s office fax over her current coverage as proof that she’s covered, and that the old coverage could be canceled — which as I understand it, would have to happen, as kids on this insurance cannot be covered by anyone else, or it nullifies the coverage. The CSR refused my offer and I was told flat out that Jessie’s mother would have to contact them — I know that THAT will not happen because the woman is lazy and irresponsible!

So here I am typing up a cancellation request for Jessie’s mother. I’ll leave it for her to sign and I’ll pick it up later this week and fax it in to the insurance office. I figure if I do most of the work FOR HER, then she might help me out a little … but I digress …

I know it differs from state to state, but I have been wondering for a while what my rights ARE as a stepparent. I ran across this article in Time magazine, and though it’s a couple years old, reading it did not give me any new information that I hadn’t come across on my own. Something tells me that I’ll probably have to consult a lawyer to find out exactly what rights I *DO* have (if any!?).

Her mother insisted on splitting legal custody with Jim, but refuses to take any responsibility (financial or otherwise) when it comes to Jessie’s welfare. The fact of the matter is, she lives with us the majority of the time. She’s on my insurance. We buy the majority of her clothing and other needs. We pay all of her school-related costs and fees. We paid for her glasses and will be paying for her braces (the insurance covers only a small percentage of these and even though her mother offered at one time to help out with these costs, she now refuses).

The thought that really scares me is: if something were to ever happen to Jessie, and if Jim and her mother could not be reached, I cannot authorize any medical assistance.

Seriously … how screwed up is that?

I understand why it is the way it is … but it still breaks my heart. Jessie has a mother who has all the parental rights, but refuses to take responsibility — and here I am trying desperately to take responsibility, and I have no parental rights.

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