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New direction

I actually had a follow-up the day after my last post, but it’s still sitting on my phone. Hehe, whoops!

I’m doing better. I’ve been slowly but surely cleaning up the mess left behind when Jim moved out. Jessie has been helping me to finalize some of the redecoration plans for various rooms in the house. I’m really looking forward to giving my home a makeover.

I’ve been making an effort to get out of the house even if it’s nothing more than going out to grab a milkshake somewhere or pickup a loaf of bread. I went out with friends from work last Friday to see The Dark Knight Rises.

It. Was. AWESOME!

No spoilers; that right there is all I’ll say about it. I promise.

I had a great time. One of the ladies I work with has been setting up a night once a month or so where we will all get together and go out after work, so I am looking forward to that too. I’ve been gaming a little here and there so I’m staying busy and keeping myself distracted with a myriad of things, which has helped.

I’ve also found a new gun range near home, and am looking forward to going by there at least once a week for a little stress relief.

Oh! I also bought a new toy … an iPad.

It’s been a lot of fun to play with and honestly am glad I got it. I had been looking into getting an ebook reader but kept also eyeing the iPad. After comparing all of my options, I knew I would be happiest with this … and, I am!

So, I’m doing ok. A little better, actually. Just trying to keep moving forward as best I can. Jess keeps me company a few days each week so that has definitely helped. I worry about her not getting along with her mother, but I know there’s only so much I can do about that.

So … how is everyone?

Humpday Hilarities

Today’s funnies start off with these from Cookie:

A gas station owner in Mississippi was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read, “Free Sex with Fill-Up.”

Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex. The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said,”You were close! The number was 7. Sorry.No sex this time.”

A week later, the same redneck, along with his brother, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.

The redneck guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, “Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time.”

As they were driving away, the redneck said to his brother, “I think that game is RIGGED, and he doesn’t really give away free sex.”

George replied, “No it ain’t, Billy Ray. It ain’t rigged. My wife Thelma won twice last week!”

Catholic Last Rites

A bus on a busy street struck a Catholic man.

He was lying near death on the sidewalk as a crowd gathered.

“A priest. Somebody get me a priest!” the man gasped.

Long seconds dragged on but no one stepped out of the crowd.

A policeman checked the crowd and finally yelled, “A PRIEST, PLEASE! Isn’t there a priest in this crowd to give this man his last rites?”

Finally, out of the crowd stepped a little old Jewish man in his 80s.

“Mr. Policeman,” said the man, “I’m not a priest. I’m not even a Christian. But for 50 years now, I’m living behind the Catholic Church on Second Avenue, and every night I’m overhearing their services. I can recall a lot of it, and maybe I can be of some comfort to this poor man.”

The policeman agreed, and cleared the crowd so the man could get through to where the injured man lay.

The old Jewish man knelt down, leaned over the man and said in a solemn voice:

“B-5 … I-19 … N-38 … G-54 … O-72″

President Obama goes to a primary school to talk to the kids. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand, and Obama asks him his name.

“Walter,” responds the little boy.

“And what is your question, Walter?”

“I have four questions: First, why did the USA Bomb Libya without the support of the Congress? Second, why do you keep saying you fixed the economy when it’s actually gotten worse? Third, why did you say that Jeremiah Wright was your mentor, then said that you knew nothing about his preaching and beliefs? Fourth, why are we lending money to Brazil to drill for oil, but America is not allowed to drill for oil?”

Just then, the bell rings for recess. Obama informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

When they resume Obama says, “OK, where were we? Oh, that’s right: question time. Who has a question?”

Another little boy puts up his hand. Obama points him out and asks him his name.

“Steve,” he responds.

“And what is your question, Steve?”

“Actually, I have two questions. First, why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes early? Second, what the f*ck happened to Walter?”

This funny is courtesy of I Can Has Cheezburger:

And this one I got from The Mary Sue. It’s not so much funny, more like very cool.

Humpday Hilarities

Today’s funnies start off with this one from Facebook via George Takei and many others:

These next couple are courtesy of Cookie:

Poor little guy, I know JUST how he feels! LOL

This funny is courtesy of Geekologie:

And last but not least, another gem from George Takei, this time on the subject of Star Wars vs Star Trek:

Humpday Hilarities

I am 2 days late, my apologies my funnies fans!

This week’s starts off with this adorable clip from Cute Overload:

And this is from my pal Cookie:

The book “Understanding Women” has finally arrived in book stores. I think this is the condensed version … or it may be Vol. 1.

Last but not least, this one tickled my geeky funny bone, courtesy of The Mary Sue:

Humpday Hilarities

Today’s funnies start off with this one from Cookie:

Brilliant Ad … guess what it’s for!

This one is courtesy of one of my guildies:

West Virginia Farm Kid in Marines

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are too. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. It’s practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there’s warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much.

We go on ‘route marches,’ which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him different. A ‘route march’ is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don’t bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing.. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don’t know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don’t move, and it ain’t shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges They come in boxes.

We have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain’t like fighting with that ole bull at home. I’m about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once.. He joined up the same time as me, but I’m only 5’6′ and 130 pounds and he’s 6’8′ and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Alice

Here’s another one from Cookie that I had somehow forgotten to post a while back (Sorry!)

Bob Hope on …

ON TURNING 70
‘You still chase women, but only downhill.’

ON TURNING 80
‘That’s the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.’

ON TURNING 90
‘You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.’

ON TURNING 100
‘I don’t feel old. In fact , I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.’

ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING
‘I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.’

ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR
‘Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it’s called at my home, ‘Passover’.

ON GOLF
‘Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.’

ON PRESIDENTS
‘I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.’

ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER
‘When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, Congratulations, you have an eight pound ham.

ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL
‘I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.’

ON HIS FAMILY’S EARLY POVERTY
‘Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.’

ON HIS SIX BROTHERS
‘That’s how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.’

ON HIS EARLY FAILURES
‘I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn’t for the stuff the audience threw at me.’

ON GOING TO HEAVEN
‘I’ve done benefits for ALL religions. I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.’

This last one is a bit geeky, courtesy of The Mary Sue:

It’s no secret that I love MythBusters and that one right there has me in fits!

Humpday Hilarities

Today’s first funny is courtesy of Geeks Are Sexy:

And this one is courtesy of I Can Has Cheezburger:

Yeah, those kinds of toys never lasted more than 30 seconds in my house either …

I hope you all are well. May the 4th be with you!

I’m ok, and that’s ok

I was perusing Tumblr and ran across this image:

I think that pretty much sums everything up. Things are better, but not fantabulous. We’re finally getting caught up financially and things are looking up as far as that goes. Personally, I would like to work towards putting our house back on the market and start paperwork on the house we wanted (YES! It’s still available!), but Jim’s not ready for that. And I don’t know if or when he will be. Us selling our house indicates promise for a future for “us” … and that’s still uncertain to him.

So, I’m still an emotional sponge. I soak up everything around me, and with the littlest bit of pressure, everything comes rushing out. But at least I’ve been able to hold it together a little better than before. Baby steps, I guess?

I know I haven’t posted much personal stuff … or really, anything at all, other than my weekly funnies. The truth is, I’m busy. We’re busy. And I try like mad to stay distracted or I’ll go out of my mind. (my ‘silly game‘ helps a lot with this, believe it or not, it’s been great therapy for me … in my opinion) And I try every day to find things that make me smile or laugh. Tumblr has been great for that. There’s SO MANY fan sites on there of things that I adore — from kittens and puppies to geeky sci-fi movies and tv shows.

So, like Jim and I have good days and bad days for us, I also have good days and bad days for me. And I’m working hard on keeping positive. The dark place I used to be in now has a little more light, and sometimes I think I can see better days ahead.

I still have hope.

Love and hugs to you all. I promise I’ll try to post more often. ♥

Humpday Hilarities

Today’s funnies start with this one, the latest edition of Simon’s Cat:

This one is courtesy of I Can Has Cheezburger:

This one is courtesy of BlackFive:

These next few are courtesy of dear ol’ Cookie:

HOW TO SAVE THE AIRLINES:

Dump the male flight attendants, no one wanted them in the first place. Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell!! They don’t even serve food anymore, so what’s the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a “party atmosphere” going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women. Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn’t need a salary, thus saving even more money.

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.

This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right — a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset. Why didn’t Bush or Obama think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,

Bill Clinton

Hey, he’d have MY vote!

HOW TO STOP THE CHURCH GOSSIP

Dorothy, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church’s morals, kept sticking her nose into other people’s business. Several members did not approve of her extracurricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Harold, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town’s only bar one after noon.

She emphatically told Harold (and several others) that every one seeing it there WOULD KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING!

Harold, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment. He just turned and walked away. He didn’t explain, defend or deny. He said nothing.

Later that evening, Harold quietly parked his pickup in front of Dorothy’s house, walked home, and left it there all night.

(You gotta love Harold!)

This last one is courtesy of Geekologie who posted a cute bit that combines the elements of two movies I love — Star Wars and The Princess Bride:

Humpday Hilarities

This morning we have a few goodies courtesy of my pal Cookie:

The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, “I’ve got some bad news. You have cancer, and you’d best put your affairs in order.” The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.

“Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don’t go so well. In this case, things aren’t well. I have cancer. So, let’s head to the club and have a martini.”

After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman’s old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end. “I’ve been diagnosed with AIDS.” The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.

After the friends left, the woman’s daughter leaned over and whispered, “Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that?”

“Because I don’t want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I’m gone.”

And THAT, my friends, is what is called “Putting Your Affairs In Order.”

Thought for the Day

Women are like phones:
They like to be held, talked to, and touched often.
But push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected.

And this one is courtesy of one of my guildies:

Humpday Hilarities

Today’s funnies start off with this one by Cookie:

Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife’s voice from the kitchen.

“What would you like for dinner my love? Chicken, beef or lamb?”

I said, “Thank you, I’ll have chicken.”

She replied “You’re having soup, … I was talking to the cat.”

This one is courtesy of Not Always Right:

A customer who has just made a purchase comes back into our store asking for help; she’s locked her keys in her car. I go out to try and help.

Me: “Ma’am, your window is open.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Your window. It’s open.”

(The customer reaches in and gets her keys, opens the door, rolls up the window, locks the car, throws the keys back inside, and closes the door.)

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “I know! I know! It’s just that I already called my husband to bring the second set! He’d have given me h*** if he saw the window was open!”

And this one is from my mother. Though I despise the chain mails she sends me and don’t really consider myself a “true Republican”, this made me LOL and I know a few of you might enjoy it as well.

As a rule, I don’t pass along these “add your name” lists that appear in emails, BUT this one is important!!!!!

It has been circulating for months and has been sent to over 25 million people. We don’t want to lose any names on the list so just hit forward, add your name and send it on.

Please keep it going!

To show your support for President Obama please go to the end of the list and add your name….

1. Michelle Obama.
2. Oprah Winfrey

And last but not least — because you can never have enough dancing Storm Troopers!

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