Currently browsing: football

Oh Lord, where did I go wrong?

This weekend, Jess and I were out and about taking care of errands and somehow our conversation gravitated to football. In the past, I’ve always loved when she would bring this subject up because it meant she was curious about what I thought about specific players, or when football season would begin, or to which games are we going this year, … that sort of thing. I’ve always enjoyed her interest in football, because not only was it something that she and I enjoyed together, it gave her a common interest with Jim as well! (I think he feels a little left out sometimes when she and I are discussing “girly things”)

Well, you can imagine my surprise when she hit me with: “I’ve been thinking about it and I’ve decided to be a Florida Gators fan!”

Wait — say what?

I’m not sure how it happened, but my ‘Bama lovin’ baby has been turned to the Dark Side!

Jim’s reaction to this was, “Well, at least she’s staying within the conference.”

Me, I suspect that a boy has something to do with it.

Who’s going to A-Day?

With the job-hunting-related hurricane flurrying around me, I’ve almost forgotten about this upcoming weekend: A-Day game!!!!

Jess and I have made this a yearly tradition and plan on meeting up with some friends and loved ones this Saturday in T’town. Also, I was just reading an announcement on The Birmingham News site that there will be a 7-on-7 game prior to kickoff featuring former Crimson Tide players and coaches. Sweet!

A little FYI: Gates typically open around 11, and the article says the flag football game is set for noon. (Get there EARLY!!) The A-Day game itself kicks off around 2. If you need parking information, traffic routes, maps, etc. I encourage you to visit the Alabama Game Day website.

Oh, and bring sunscreen … if you’re even half as white as me, you’ll need it!

ROLL TIDE ROLL!

Humpday Hilarities

Courtesy of my Cotillion sister, Beth C:

Posted to Craig’s List Personals:

To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown (Downtown, Birmingham )

Date: 2009-01-06, 3:43AM EST

I was the white guy with the brown Burberry leather jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend’s purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I’d like to apologize.

I didn’t expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, because it wasn’t that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that COLT 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It’s a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn’t it?

I know it probably wasn’t a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you’d come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your jockey shorts. I’m sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. I couldn’t have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or “Momma” as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.

I also called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They’ll be on your bill in case you’d like to know which ones. SoBell recently shut down the line, and I’ve only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don’t know what’s going on with that. I hope they haven’t permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA’s office with it. Oh well.

So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I’d like to make it up to you. I’m sure you’ve already washed your jockey shorts and your pants, so I’d like to help you out. I’d like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I’d also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I’m hoping that you’ll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we’ll do lunch and laundry. Peace!

– Alex

And this one is courtesy of Scott Allan:

Alabama Judge gives 7 year old right to decide custody.

Birmingham , Al, December 31, 2008

A seven year old boy was at the center of a county courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy had a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Auburn University Football Team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

Roll Tide!!!

Tide, get ready to ROLL!

H/T: Beth C

ROLL TIDE ROLL!

The Tide rolls over Auburn 36-0

Rammer Jammer Yellowhammer, you gave them Hell, Alabama!

I have to admit, I’m enjoying every minute of this madness. Outside of a few missed calls and lousy announcers (CBS, you SUCK!), I have hollered and screamed my happy little heart out and am sitting here elated. The last time Alabama shut out Auburn was during the 1992 season.

*enter: Twilight Zone theme*

You GO, Tide! Be happy and celebrate your sweet little hearts out tonight. You’ve earned it. But come Monday, it’s back to the field and time to keep your eyes on the prize. Florida is going to give us a run for our money next weekend!

A lucky woman am I

I’ve enjoyed connecting with family and friends. I ate my fill of turkey, dressing, ham, a wide assortment of sweetened vegetable casseroles and colorful salads, and let’s not forget — my mother’s delicious Southern pecan pie. I watched my daughter play football with my father, then my husband, then I took a turn.

My God, she’s got a cannon for an arm! If she learns a little control, she’d make a decent QB. Look out, Bama, I’ve got one coming your way in a few years!

We’re sitting around listening to some Loreena McKennitt, anticipating the oncoming turkey-induced coma that follows such feasts as we’ve had today. My husband has been sitting here trying to talk me back into singing — and with everything I have going on, I admit that I have missed it. (Performing is another matter, but singing I love…)

I told Jim I’d think about it … and I am …

But in the meantime I’m happy sitting here enjoying the warmth and I’m thinking to myself, what a lucky woman I am. I hope everyone is having a great holiday.

Love and blessings to you all!

Iron Bowl week continues …

These are courtesy of the Tide Fans forums:

A recruit from Birmingham, a highly prized 5-star long snapper, was driving down to Auburn for his final visit. He had made the decision that the loveliest village on the plains would be his school. As he merged onto Hwy 15, he saw a sign that read, “Auburn University – Left.”

Disappointed, he turned around and went back home.

Alabama Power hired 3 Auburn players and 3 Alabama players to put up pole for the summer. The supervisor for both crews took them out and assigned the Auburn crew to put pole down one street and the Bama player down another.

At the end of the day both crews come back in to the shop and the supervisor asked the Bama crew, “how many poles did you guys plant today?” One of the players responded, “15.” The supervisor replied, “pretty good first day. Try to improve tomorrow.”

The supervisor then asked the Auburn crew, “how many poles did you guys plant today?” One of the players responded, “3.” The supervisor replied,”In eight hours you only planted 3 poles. I know this was your first day on the job but the Bama guys planted 15. What gives?” One of the Auburn players protested, “But boss, you should see how shallow they buried theirs!”

A man sitting on a bench in downtown Auburn noticed as two Auburn students in a “City of Auburn – Public Works” truck drove up and parked.

The students walked over by a long sidewalk where one proceeded to dig a hole with a shovel. As soon as he finished digging the other student took his shovel and proceeded to fill the hole back up with the dirt that had been dug out.

The man continued to watch. This went on until about fifty carefully spaced holes were dug and filled back in.

The man finally could stand it no longer. He walked over and said, “Guys, I admire your work ethic, you’ve been busting your tails big time. But why is one of you digging a hole and the other one filling it back up”?

The first student looked at the man and answered, “Well normally we’re a three man crew…but the student who plants the trees took the day off”.

ROLL TIDE!

Google knows football

I sniped this one from the Times Daily forums:

Click the image to view full size.

ROLL TIDE!

You might be an “Aubie” if …

• Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, “Hey, y’all watch this!”
• You’ve got more than one brother named ‘Darryl.’
• Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
• You go to your family reunion looking for a date.
• Your Junior/Senior Prom date had a Daycare service.
• You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, “Gentlemen, start your engines.”
• You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
• You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.
• The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.
• You have to go outside to get something out of the ‘fridge.
• One of your kids was born on a pool table.
• Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
• You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
• You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.
• Ya can’t get married to yer sweetheart ’cause there’s a law against it.
• You dated one of your parents’ current spouses in high school.
• You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
• Your school fight song is “Dueling Banjos.”
• Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

H/T: Dr. PhilGood

ROLL TIDE!

Quotes for Football Fans

My mother just sent me this one:

#1. ‘Football is only a game. Spiritual things are eternal. Nevertheless, Beat Texas ‘ – Seen on a church sign in Arkansas prior to the 1969 game.

#2. ‘After you retire, there’s only one big event left… and I ain’t ready for that.’ – Bobby Bowden / Florida State

#3. ‘The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it.’ – Lou Holtz / Arkansas

#4. ‘When you win, nothing hurts.’ – Joe Namath / Alabama

#5. ‘Motivation is simple.. You eliminate those who are not motivated.’ – Lou Holtz / Arkansas

#6. ‘If you want to walk the heavenly streets of gold, you gotta know the password, ‘Roll, tide, roll!’ – Bear Bryant / Alabama

#7. ‘A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.’ – Frank Leahy / Notre Dame

#8. ‘There’s nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you.’ – Woody Hayes / Ohio State

#9. ‘I don’t expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation. I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation.’ – Bob Devaney / Nebraska

#10. ‘In Alabama , an atheist is someone who doesn’t believe in Bear Bryant.’ – Wally Butts / Georgia

#11. ‘You can learn more character on the two-yard line than anywhere else in life.’ – Paul Dietzel / LSU

#12. ‘It’s kind of hard to rally around a math class.’ – Bear Bryant / Alabama

#13. When asked if Fayetteville was the end of the world. ‘No, but you can see it from here.’ – Lou Holtz / Arkansas …

#14. ‘I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him to quit in practice, not in a game.’ – Bear Bryant / Alabama

#15. ‘There’s one sure way to stop us from scoring- give us the ball near the goal line.’ – Matty Bell / SMU

#16. ‘Lads, you’re not to miss practice unless your parents died or you died.’ – Frank Leahy / Notre Dame

#17. ‘I never graduated from Iowa , but I was only there for two terms – Truman’s and Eisenhower’s.’ – Alex Karras / Iowa

#18. ‘My advice to defensive players: Take the shortest route to the ball and arrive in a bad humor.’ -Bowden Wyatt / Tennessee

#19. ‘I could have been a Rhodes Scholar, except for my grades.’ – Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State

#20. ‘Always remember… Goliath was a 40 point favorite over David.’ – Shug Jordan / Auburn

#21. ‘They cut us up like boarding house pie. And that’s real small pieces’ – Darrell Royal / Texas

#22. ‘Show me a good and gracious loser, and I’ll show you a failure.’ – Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

#23. ‘They whipped us like a tied up goat.’ – Spike Dykes / Texas Tech

#24. ‘I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he didn’t recruit me and he said: ‘Well, Walt, we took a look at you and you weren’t any good.’ – Walt Garrison / Oklahoma State

#25. ‘Son, you’ve got a good engine, but your hands aren’t on the steering wheel.’ – Bobby Bowden / Florida State

#26. ‘Football is not a contact sport – it is a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport.’ – Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State

#27. After USC lost 51-0 to Notre Dame, his postgame message to his team: ‘All those who need showers, take them.’ – John McKay / USC

#28. ‘If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education.’ – Murray Warmath / Minnesota

#29. ‘The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. To be a back, you only have to be dumb.’ – Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

#30. ‘Oh, we played about like three tons of buzzard puke this afternoon.’ – Spike Dykes / Texas Tech

#31. ‘It isn’t necessary to see a good tackle. You can hear it.’ – Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

#32. ‘We live one day at a time and scratch where it itches.’ – Darrell Royal / Texas

#33. ‘We didn’t tackle well today but we made up for it by not blocking.’ – Wilson Matthews / Little Rock Central High School

#34. ‘Three things can happen when you throw the ball, and two of them are bad.’ – Darrell Royal / University of Texas

#35. ‘I’ve found that prayers work best when you have big players.’ – Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

#36. ‘Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble this football.’ – John Heisman

Next Page »