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I kinda miss me

Well, where do I start?

I’m finally working again! The job I thought I had a couple months ago fell through. Somewhere between getting the verbal offer and waiting a week for the written offer, they decided to hire someone “a little more experienced” (either younger or asked for less money?), so I took the next offer I received, working as a tech operator for a small web hosting company here in Birmingham. Basically I’m doing Linux and web hosting tech support for account owners and resellers. It’s really interesting, and has instilled a greater appreciation for the support staff at my own web host, Lunarpages.

I’ve been learning my way around WHM (the back-end of cPanel) as well as other control panel applications, as well as re-learn Linux because I hadn’t touched it in YEARS before this point. o.O But it’s cool, and I like the guys I work with, they’re a good bunch. I wish the pay and benefits were better, but it is what it is — a low-level tech support job. And let’s face it, IT jobs are very hard to come by in Birmingham, so I know I’m lucky to get this.

It feels good to be working again. It feels good to be needed and useful.

I spend my lunches reading books. That’s another hobby that I dropped over the years and wished I hadn’t, so now I’m reading as much as possible. I renewed my library card and have been dropping by there every other week or so to drop off what I’ve read and pick up new books. One of the librarians giggled at my selections because they range from animal behavior to ancient folklore to religious studies to paranormal romance. LOL

Things at home are OK. Bruce is adjusting to me working, which I was really worried about. I worry about him being lonely when I’m not there. I felt guilty for not adopting his brother when I had the chance, but I couldn’t afford a second cat. Perhaps I’ll get him a play buddy later after my finances are caught up. I have a ton of reviews still needing to be written for his blog, so hopefully I’ll get time to work on that this weekend.

I’m still working on the redesign for my site. I think I’ve started over 4 times now in the last 9 months. There are a set amount of characteristics that I absolutely want in a design, but every solution I’ve come up with so far is missing something or I just hate it in general. I’ve been looking at a lot of HTML5 and responsive designs from other sites, but have not seen anything remotely close to want I want in functionality and aesthetics … and after a while they all look alike to me, which I also absolutely hate.

Maybe I’m just too picky?

Jessie is doing well in school. She’s almost completed her first year of high school, is studying for her driver’s license, and has had her share of boy troubles … she’s a typical teenage girl. She’s going to spend a month or so with her mother this summer (oh yeah, her mother moved to Nebraska some time back, that’s a long story for another time!), so she’s really looking forward to that. I think the time away will do her some good, though I’ll miss her like crazy.

The change of scenery would be good for her, and though she hasn’t said it directly, her mother would be providing something she desperately wants — a stable home with 2 parents. She posed the question once if she wanted to stay longer would I object. I told her if that’s what she really wanted and would make her happy, then I would support her decision. I added that I would miss her terribly, but it’s not like we can’t keep in touch via phone/texts, Facebook, gaming, etc.

It’s stability she needs, and I want what’s best for her. As long as she’s happy and safe, I’m fine … even if it’s not with me.

I’ve started looking at going back to school again. I’ve applied for a Pell grant, and have been approved for some financial aid at a few places. Now I need to figure out how I’m going to attend, where I want to attend, and what I want to take. Part of me would love to stay in IT, but given how hard it has been over the past 10 or so years to find and keep an IT job here, I wonder if I may do better in another field.

But I love IT the most, hence my dilemma … oh well, I have plenty of time to decide I guess?

Things with my folks are still touchy sometimes. My father is back to not speaking to me again. My mother and I have gotten closer and our relationship has improved a lot over the past year or so. I have to be careful to avoid the subject of my husband. Both of my parents feel that he’s used me, and that I should not be as accommodating as I should be to him. But then again I think my mother would feel better if I hated him too …

I am still very angry and resentful about a lot of things, but I have no desire to hate anyone. It’s wasted energy and honestly would undo what little progress I had made in therapy before I lost my job (and my insurance/benefits) last August. I want to be better than that, and I want to move forward. That said, yeah maybe I am too accommodating to him than I should be, but hurting him would hurt Jessie. And there’s no way in Hell I would ever purposefully hurt my child. She’s almost grown, and eventually she won’t be a shield for anyone to hide behind anymore. As far as I’m concerned, the issue will dissolve itself. Anyone who has more than two brain cells to rub together would be wise not to burn any bridges left with me.

So what else?

Oh yeah, I had another birthday. It sucked. No phone calls, no cards, no visits from friends who have dropped off the face of the planet for whatever reason since whatever point in time. I went to see my parents and regretted it — my father spent the meal picking apart my life choices. I left there that afternoon feeling worse than ever and wishing for a do-over.

Actually a do-over for the last entire year would be nice!

And actually, I’m still pretty angry about my birthday …

Mother’s Day was emotional but OK overall. I was afraid I was not going to have one, but Jessie came to stay with me for most of the weekend and gave me a movie and some chocolates. Her visit meant more to me than anything, but it was nice being appreciated and remembered. I’ve missed that so much since our family has broken up.

I felt unappreciated before … and I’ve felt pretty much forgotten ever since.

I’ll tell you, that sucks more than anything in the world, so I’m a little emotional when it comes to holidays now. Maybe it will get better, or, I’m hoping it will.

So, I think that’s most everything that’s gone on … I’m concentrating on working hard, paying off my debts, and trying to keep myself from falling back down into that dark pit I was in for so very long. I feel a lot better now than I have in a while, but I know I still have a long way to go until I’m “me” again.

I haven’t been “me” for such a very long time, and I kinda miss her.

Sometimes I think too much

Jim moved out last weekend. I’m doing OK I guess. I’m coping. I’ve tried not to dwell on it, and have tried to keep myself distracted with cleaning up the mess left behind and begin working on the renovations I’d been planning to the house. My problem is when I’m left alone with my thoughts. My mind wanders and I replay past conversations, fights, things I should have said, or not said. Doubts eat at me. I know it’s not healthy, so that’s why I am trying to stay distracted.

Some days I do OK. Other days I wonder what the Hell is wrong with me? Why doesn’t he want me?

It’s stupid, I know. I get so mad at myself. Logically speaking, I shouldn’t be dwelling on it and know without a doubt that I tried everything to save a marriage that was failing. Despite my best efforts, I could not make him want to stay with me. I could not make him want to continue to be my husband.

But I still blame myself some days. I call those my irrational days, because that’s exactly what they are. It’s hard for me not to be emotional. Sometimes all it takes is something little, or meaningless, to set me off. And I’m finding myself avoiding those things.

Facebook, for example. I keep in touch with lots of friends and family on there, but it’s become a double-edged sword lately. Ever since Jim changed his marital status on there, various people would message me, wanting to talk about it.

It’s none of their damned business and I will usually, albeit politely, let them know that.

But there’s something that bothers me lately — “mutual” friends defriending me, who are staying friends with Jim. This week two people defriended me. (You see, I have a Firefox addon that tells me when a friend deletes their Facebook account or defriends me.)

Not a big deal, I keep telling myself. I knew it was bound to happen. But it bothers me, and I am not even sure why. I guess because I see that as someone else who doesn’t want me. These people were not really my friends to begin with. Well, that’s what I keep telling myself.

I just can’t get rid of that nagging feeling, constantly poking at me …

I think maybe I think too much sometimes.

Humpday Hilarities

Hope everyone had a great 4th. This week’s funnies start off with this one from Don:

The island

One day a man decided to retire. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank. He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. In disbelief, he asks, “Where did you come from? How did you get here?”

She replies, “I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank.”

“Amazing,” he notes, “You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you.”

“Oh, this thing?” explains the woman “I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches and the sides and stern came from a eucalyptus tree.”

“But, where did you get the tools?”

“Oh, that was no problem,” replied the woman, “On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware.”

The guy is stunned.

“Let’s row over to my place,” she says, “and I’ll give you a tour.”

So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, “It’s not much, but I call it home. Please sit down. Would you like a drink?”

“No! No thank you,” the man blurts out, still dazed, “I can’t take another drop of coconut juice.”

“Oh it’s not coconut juice,” winks the woman, “I have a still. How would you like a Tropical Spritz?”

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, “I’m going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There’s a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs.”

No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

“This woman is amazing,” he muses, “What’s next?”

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned. She smelled faintly of gardenias. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.

“Tell me,” she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, “We’ve both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. When was the last time you played around?”

He can’t believe what he’s hearing. “You mean … ” he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes, “You’ve built a Golf Course?”

This next one is courtesy of Uncle Monster via Facebook:

This next one is courtesy of Mariner:

I have no enemies

Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, “How many of you have forgiven your enemies?”

About 80% held up their hands.

The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one man, an avid golfer named Walter Barnes, who attended church only when the weather was bad.

“Mr. Barnes, it’s obviously not a good morning for golf. It’s good to see you here today. Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”

“I don’t have any,” he replied gruffly.

“Mr. Barnes, that is very unusual. How old are you?”

“Ninety-eight,” he replied.

The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.

“Oh, Mr. Barnes, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?”

The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned around, faced the congregation, and said simply, “I outlived all the sons of bitches.”

And last but not least, this is from Tanya:

Question: What do diapers and politicians have in common?

Answer: They both need changing regularly — for exactly the same reason.

Humpday Hilarities

Today’s funnies start off with a variation of one of my favorite jokes:

Where is God?

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved .The boys’ mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.

The mother sent the 8 year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, “Do you know where God is, son?”

The boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, “Where is God?!

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, “WHERE IS GOD?!”

The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him .When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, “What happened?”

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, “We are in BIG trouble this time! GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!”

These next two are courtesy of Facebook:

A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family: a weeping wife and four children. Three of the children are tall, good-looking and athletic; but the fourth and youngest is an ugly runt.

“Darling wife,” the husband whispers, “assure me that the youngest child really is mine. I want to know the truth before I die, I will forgive you if–”

The wife gently interrupts him. “Yes, my dearest, absolutely, no question, I swear on my mother’s grave that you are his father.”

The man then dies, happy.

The wife mutters under her breath: “Thank God he didn’t ask about the other three.”

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, “Which do you think is farther away … Florida or the moon?”

The other blonde turns to her and says, “Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida?”

Humpday Hilarities

Today’s funnies start off with this one from Jeff on FaceBook:

Seems there were these three professionals sitting around talking about the oldest profession.

The Doctor says, “Well, the Bible says that God took a rib out of Adam to make woman. Since that clearly required surgery, then the oldest profession is surely medicine.”

The Engineer shakes his head and replies, “No, no. The Bible also says that God created the world out of void and chaos. To do that, God must surely have been an engineer. Therefore, Engineering is the oldest profession.”

The Lawyer smiles smugly and leans discreetly forward. “Ah,” he says, “but who do you think created the Chaos?”

And then there’s this one that I ran across on YouTube:

Humpday Hilarities

Today’s funnies start off with this one courtesy of Jeff on Facebook:

One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner, Mother Potato and her three daughters. Midway through the meal, the eldest daughter spoke up. “Mother Potato?” she said, “I have an announcement to make.”

“And what might that be?” said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter’s eyes.

“Well,” replied the daughter with a proud but sheepish grin, “I’m getting married!”

The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, “Married! That’s wonderful! And who are you marrying, Eldest daughter?”

“I’m marrying a Russet!”

“A Russet!” replied Mother Potato with pride. “Oh, a Russet is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!”

As the family shared in the eldest daughter’s joy, the middle daughter spoke up. “Mother? I, too, have an announcement.”

“And what might that be?” encouraged Mother Potato.

Not knowing quite how to begin, the middle daughter paused, then said with conviction, “I, too, am getting married!”

“You, too!” Mother Potato said with joy. “That’s wonderful! Twice the good news in one evening! And who are you marrying, Middle Daughter?”

“I’m marrying an Idaho!” beamed the middle daughter.

“An Idaho!” said Mother Potato with joy. “Oh, an Idaho is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!”

Once again, the room came alive with laughter and excited plans for the future when the youngest Potato daughter interrupted. “Mother? Mother Potato? Um, I, too, have an announcement to make.”

“Yes?” said Mother Potato with great anticipation.

“Well,” began the youngest Potato daughter with the same sheepish grin as her eldest sister before her, “I hope this doesn’t come as a shock to you, but I am getting married as well!”

“Really?” said Mother Potato with sincere excitement. “All of my lovely daughters married! What wonderful news! And who, pray tell, are you marrying, Youngest Daughter?”

“I’m marrying Dan Rather!”

“DAN RATHER?!” Mother Potato scowled suddenly. “But he’s just a common tater!”

This one is courtesy of The Daily What:

This next one is courtesy of Lisa:

New Direct TV Commercial

“When your cable goes out, you can’t study game film.

When you can’t study game film, you lose to Alabama.

When you lose to Alabama, you get depressed.

When you get depressed, you buy a Harley.

When you buy a Harley, you meet hot, young ex-volleyball players.

When you meet hot, young ex-volleyball players, you go on joy rides.

When you go on joy rides, you end up in a roadside ditch.

Don’t end up in a roadside ditch.”

Humpday Hilarities

This week’s funnies start off with this one from I Can Has Cheezburger:

And this one is courtesy of Facebook:

Humpday Hilarities

Today’s funnies start off with this funny shared on Facebook by George Takei:

And these gems are courtesy of Cookie:

Today’s Truth

Women always say that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts. Here is absolute proof that they are wrong:

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say “It would be nice to have another child.”

You will NEVER hear a guy say, “I would like another kick in the nuts”.

Secrets to a long happy marriage

An old woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband. She says, “I love you so much, I don’t know how I could ever live without you.”

Her husband asks, “Is that you, or the wine talking?”

She replies, “It’s me … talking to the wine.”

Humpday Hilarities

I have a couple for y’all today. This first one is courtesy of Cookie. Not only funny, but word to the wise as well.

Gun Wisdom

Some words to the wise. Shooting advice from various Concealed Carry instructors. If you own a gun, you will appreciate this. If not, you should get one and learn how to use it.

A; Guns have only two enemies: rust and politicians.

B; Its always better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6.

C; Cops carry guns to protect themselves, not you.

D; Never let someone or something that threatens you get inside your arm’s length.

E; Never say “I’ve got a gun.” If you need to use deadly force, the first sound they hear should be the safety clicking off.

F; The average response time of a 911 call is 23 minutes, the response time of a .357 is 1400 feet per second.

G; The most important rule in a gunfight is: Always win — cheat if necessary but win.

H; Make your attacker advance through a wall of bullets … You may get killed with your own gun, but he’ll have to beat you to death with it ’cause it’ll be empty.

I; If you’re in a gun fight:

1. If you’re not shooting, you should be loading.
2. If you’re not loading, you should be movin.
3. If you’re not movin’, you’re dead.

J; In a life and death situation, don’t just stand there. Do something … It may be wrong, but do something!

K; If you carry a gun, people call you paranoid. Nonsense! If you have a gun, what do you have to be paranoid about?

L; You can say ‘stop’ or ‘alto’ or any other word, but a large bore muzzle pointed at someone’s head is pretty much a universal language.

M; You cannot save the planet, but you may be able to save yourself and your family.

This next one has been shared with me by several people on Facebook:

A son decided his mother could not live alone anymore, she was just too senile. So he decided to take her to all the homes in the district to decide which one she liked the most.

The first one was a pleasant surprise. Lovely gardens, lots of oldsters chatting happily. The owner offered to take the son on a tour around the premises, so he sat his mom in the middle of a big sofa, and went off for the tour.

The attendant noticed the old lady was slumping, tilting to her right. She promptly straightened the old lady up, padded her right side, and called the nurse. About 5 minutes later, the old lady, with a fixed look on her face, started tilting to her left. The nurse straightened her up, add padded her with more cushions, wondering if she should call the doctor.

A few minutes later, the old lady started to slump forwards, and again, the routine of straightening her up and padding with cushions.

The son arrived at that moment:

“Mom, this place is a paradise. Lovely staff, game rooms, good food, big garden, nice inmates! You’ll love it!”

His mother retorted, “Love it my arse. It’s a bloody prison camp. They won’t even let me fart … “

Humpday Hilarities

Today’s funnies start off with this one from Facebook via George Takei and many others:

These next couple are courtesy of Cookie:

Poor little guy, I know JUST how he feels! LOL

This funny is courtesy of Geekologie:

And last but not least, another gem from George Takei, this time on the subject of Star Wars vs Star Trek:

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