Currently browsing: Dreams

Looking at homes

Jim and I have started house hunting. Well, nothing really big, but just looking around at different neighborhoods and looking to see what we could afford. We’re in no hurry to sell my house or anything, but we have talked for a while about getting a bigger place, and we will more than likely start looking harder after the wedding. As Jessie’s getting bigger, this house is getting smaller! LOL It was more than enough when it was just me and Hobie, but with the three of us, things can get a bit cramped sometimes.

I’ve looked all over the metro area and at blue prints of several of the new communities that will be built around here in the next couple of years or so. I like what I see … then a friend of mine sent me a link to a place she looked up while looking for a vacation spot: Blue Ridge Real Estate — pictures of beautiful mountain cabins, streams and wooded areas, looking like it’s untouched by man.

Reminds me of how Corner used to be … It’s the type of place where God would want to build a home.

I know we can’t afford anything like that, and I’m not in a hurry to move out of state just yet (Jessie’s in a GOOD school!) … but a girl can dream, can’t she? :cool:

I dream the strangest things sometimes…

I’ve been dreaming about Hobie a lot lately. I guess it’s only natural, I dreamed about my grandfather for a long time following his death. I dreamed about her last night, except this time she appeared as she did back in her prime — “fat and purdy” as Papa Buddy used to say. I dreamed I had gone camping with my mother and brother and for whatever reason, Hobie had to stay in the car.

(weird … as 1. Mom doesn’t “camp” and 2. I would have never EVER left one of my animals in a vehicle)

The night before last, I dreamed Hobie was dying all over again, and I was trying to save her. I don’t remember the results of my efforts, but I guess they couldn’t have been too far from the “real world” results. In my dream I also relived the conversation I had with my mother the morning following her death. Mom was comforting and consoling, reminding me that Hobie was very old for a cat and considering all things, had a very good life including being in good health with the exception of the last few months of her life. All cats should be so lucky.

I know it’s selfish, but I couldn’t help but want to hang on to her longer. “It’s only natural,” I remember explaining to Jessie, “to want to hang on to a loved one and wish that they could stay with you forever, but this is a part of the great circle of life and is the inevitable and inescapable fate of all living things.”

Thinking back, I think I was trying to more convince myself of that, than her.

Luckily my boss was nice enough to let me have that Monday off. I had originally planned to put her down that day, but Hobie passed away late the night before, so I spent the morning burying her — and for the rest of the day, letting myself fall apart. I’ve never handled the death of a loved one well, but I’d like to think I’m getting better at it … if that’s something to be proud of at all.

Hopefully soon I can go back to my “normal” dreams about tornadoes and whatever tv show/movie I had watched the night before.

We’re so tiny!

Smurfed from Futility Closet: we’re nothing more than a speck of blue dust in this cosmic playground … how many of you wonder “Are there other beings out there? What are they wondering when looking at our neck of the galaxy, as a small dot in their night sky?”

Earth seen from 4 billion miles away, photographed by Voyager 1 on June 6, 1990.

Of the “pale blue dot,” astronomer Carl Sagan said, “That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every ‘superstar,’ every ‘supreme leader,’ every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there — on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.”

I GOT A DRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You guys, check out my wedding dress:

I swear I’ve been looking at dresses for what seems like an eternity and had absolutely hated everything I’d seen … until I saw that dress.

I simply said “wow” … and knew that I had to have it!!

I’m ordering it from a nice lady in Michigan who runs a store on eBay (and has a flowergirl dress which colors match this! TEMPTING!) and agreed to sell it to me for a great price!

I’m so happy I can’t stop giggling. Jim told me that I looked like the happiest woman ever. LOL. Considering how well wedding planning had been going lately (gags on sarcasm), this made up for ALL OF THAT!

OMG I’m so bouncy, I’m never gonna get to sleep tonight! LOL

I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress! I got a dress!

I GOT A DRESS!!!!!!

And now … shoe shopping! :mrgreen:

I didn’t see United 93

I’m ashamed to say that, but it’s true. That memory is still too fresh for me. We plan on buying the DVD when it comes out, and I will most likely watch it on a weekend where Jim’s out playing golf and Jessie’s gone to her mother’s or grandmother’s. I can’t watch it with anyone else, it’s too personal — it’s too painful. I’ve had nightmares about 9/11 off and on for the last few years. Some were vague, some weren’t.

I had another last night. I dreamed I was involved in the war, but I wasn’t over in the Middle East, I was here. I was in my own home, readying explosives and gathering ammunition for soldiers. I distinctly remember being in my kitchen measuring out various amounts of gunpowder. I remember cutting out lengths of fuses. Just before I woke up, in the dream I was boxing everything up and was about to hand it to Jim. He was standing atop some sort of turret — what appeared to once be our bedroom upstairs. Everything was a grayish brown, smoky and dusty. There was dirt everywhere, it appeared that my house and its surroundings had been bombed. I remember feeling sad that it was daytime but I couldn’t see the sun.

So yeah, that wound still runs. I may live 800 miles or so from Ground Zero, but I hurt the day it happened, I lost someone dear to me, I feel anger and bitterness towards those who perpetrated the actions that brought this whole thing about. This is my country, and those were my people. So yeah, it hurt … still does.

Reading up on some things for the upcoming Fourth a few weeks ago, I ran across some old 9/11 memorial and tribute pages I had bookmarked a long time ago. Most of them are still up, which made me smile — but the contents of each made me cry. It’s upsetting, but I never shy away from reading a good tribute piece or memorial page. I’ve several movie favorites bookmarked from YouTube, GoogleVideo, and so on …

I’ve seen so many bitch and moan about 9/11 about how it was “so long ago” and that people “should just move on.” Some of us don’t heal that quickly.

Hell, Jim and I went to see Superman Returns last Friday. I didn’t post about it because my complaints about the movie in general would contain spoilers, and I hate posting that sort of thing. One thing that has come back to mind since seeing it however, was the airplane scene near the beginning of the movie. I think I cried the most during that part of the movie because in the back of my mind I kept looking for the terrorists that hijacked the plane. I knew when I was watching it that it wasn’t the same as United 93, nor the other planes, but the sheer terror on the passengers’ faces, the feeling of things going completely out of control, and the emptiness in the pit of your stomach telling you “this is it, you’re going to die” — I couldn’t help but think of 9/11.

Maybe that’s why I didn’t care for that movie … that, or … well, if you’ve seen it you know already.

Otherwise it’s a pretty decent flick, but was nothing like I expected — or wanted.

Small town life

Jessie and I had a busy day yesterday. We were up at the crack of dawn, had breakfast at Chick-fil-A, and met Jim’s mom to head to Oneonta for the day. Had a great day shopping in the business district and rode around looking at different houses. We ate lunch at Miller Drug Soda Shop. It’s one of those “old time” type soda shops that have had all of the original interior re-done so that it looks like something out of the 50′s.

The restaurant is only part of building, the other two sections are a gift shop and a pharmacy. I was looking around in the gift shop and spoke with the lady who ran it — it so happened that she knew my brother and loved only a couple of doors down from him. hehe, so she was nice enough to give me directions to his house. I had called him Friday and asked if he would be in town, and wanted to drop in to see him.

So we finished up shopping and browsing and I called Jeremy to let him know we were on our way over to invade his house. *g* He has a lovely home, built in the 20′s and restored by previous owners. From what Jeremy tells me, it was formerly owned by one of the city DA’s. I told him that we should start having our family Christmas gatherings up there. It felt good to see him doing so well. We talked about our folks and he asked about things going on with me and Jim, so it was good to be able to sit down and talk to him — something we hadn’t done in a long time.

I just hate that it’s so far north of us, or I’d visit more often. I loved the town, and honestly wouldn’t mind living in a place like that. Oneonta reminds me of “small town life” and of the type of things I enjoyed about growing up in Corner.

Maybe someday, but not now …

And more ketchup … and BIG NEWS!!!!!

HAH just when you thought you heard it all, I have yet MORE updates!

Let’s see, where did I leave off? Oh yeah, Dad being an ass over the whole car situ …

Damn, that post was yesterday?

Car update: I spoke with him today, he won’t budge, so he’s keeping the car and I’m off to find “other arrangements”. He told me to call him when I needed “transportation” … I laughed. Give me a fucking break.

Ok, you guys know that Jim and I are not legally married, right? I mean, we’ve probably been together long enough to be common law and all that jazz. Have a house, shared bank account, and we split the bills … but no piece of paper.

Well that changes … now …

That’s right, it’s official. Jim and I are getting married. We’re looking at next year, most likely in the spring or summer.

I’m super excited … I called and told my dad, and he didn’t sound too happy about it. I guess that’s another battle for another day. Oh well, I’m not letting it spoil my day.

Jim proposed to me earlier today, and it’s funny that at the very moment I said ‘Yes’ it started snowing.

SNOWING! In ALA-freakin’-BAMA!!!!!

We told Jim’s mom and she’s been all excited for us. We went out for dinner to a local Italian restaurant … they gave us free dessert as a congratulatory gift. How nice!

So I’m a little upset about the car thing … I’ve already made a few calls to friends who know people who know people, and already have a list of names and numbers to call. And I’ll have to make more calls this week.

But on the other hand … I’M GETTING MARRIED!!!!!

Jim’s laughed at me because I cried when he proposed … but I was so overcome with emotion, I could barely speak. *smiles*

I’m a sap, I know …

But he loves me, and that’s all that matters to me.

Uncontrollables, and I’m no Grinch

I’ve been having a lot of wild dreams lately … mostly nightmares.

I have nightmares when I worry, and when I worry about work, family, money, etc. they almost always involve tornadoes or some other natural disaster. I had read somewhere that tornadoes signify the things I worry about in my life but have no control over. That kind of makes sense, natural disasters: you can worry about them, but not be able to do anything to prevent them, they’ll happen anyway.

I always get like this around the holidays anyways. It’s getting harder and harder to just enjoy them because of all the crap that comes with … like family gettogethers: why do we force ourselves to spend a day (or evening) with people we can’t stand? Take my grandmother’s family gathering last weekend: honestly the only reason I went was for GG. She’s headed up to the mountains for Christmas and won’t be back in time for each of us to do our gift exchanges, so she thought we could all get together and do them at once. That way she both gets and gives gifts to/from each kid, grandkid, and greatgrandkid.

Or, that was the theory anyways …

Daddy started picking at me as usual, which pisses Jim off, so Jim didn’t want to be there. I think he also felt a little left out because my aunt Donna and most of her family doesn’t speak to us unless they HAVE to. (Jim doesn’t like her either … I knew I have a smart man! ) Plus we didn’t get to take Jessie, so that made it a little of a downer too. She would have loved to seen and played with all the other kids there.

And to top off the proverbial cake: my aunt Donna and her kids all decided to do THEIR gift exchange, and do the gifts to THEIR kids, which of course leaves all of my family out and GG is just sitting around watching them do their thing at her party.

Excuse me? This is GG’s day, not yours. Assholes.

Oh well, at least Christmas is almost here. I’ll feel a lot better when this shit is over with.

April 15th is JUST my birthday, dammit

One thing that has irked me for years has been when I would tell someone when my birthday is, they would reply “Ooooooh, Tax Day!”

No, that’s my birthday, you mental midget.

I’ve mentioned it a few times here: the FairTax Act that’s circulating its way around various circles. It’s a proposal to (among other things) abolish the IRS, and allow you to keep all of your gross income (minus state tax of course).

Sounds good to me!

I’ve been lurking around various related forums and groups, and saw something posted to the Alabama FairTax group that I thought might interest some of you:

“How would you like a 25% payraise without ever
asking your boss for more money?”
by: Debbie K.

Friends,

Look at your last paycheck stub. What is your gross pay before taxes? How would you like to take home your whole paycheck with no federal deductions? No income taxes, no social security and no Medicare deductions? And what if, at the same time you take home your whole paycheck, the cost of everything you buy goes up by only one or two percent? How would you like to never file an income tax return? How would you like for your business to be your business, not the business of some government bureaucracy? Talk about freedom! How would you like to eliminate the IRS as we know it? If all this sounds too good to be true, then I suggest you purchase and read the Fair Tax book by Congressman John Linder and Neal Boortz. It is an eye opener.

You say it’ll never happen? You say the congressmen will never let go of the control over America that the IRS gives them? Well, think about this. The congressmen cannot keep their job without votes and poll after poll shows that Americans who are educated about the Fair Tax support it hands down. This is a most bi-partisan bill. It eliminates the terribly regressive FICA taxes (a flat tax burdens those who can least afford it). Along with the monthly prebate established by the flat tax, those living at the poverty level get about a 25% increase in take home pay. The average wage earner also gets a raise, and everyone, rich and poor, Democrat, Republican or Independent, benefits from the booming economy that the Fair Tax would generate and the elimination of the IRS. Industry and jobs would flow back into America like you’ve never seen.

Secondly, consider that this grass roots movement is growing by leaps and bounds. Before the release of the Linder/Boortz book, Americans for Fair Taxation had about 400,000 members. In just a few short weeks, it has ballooned to over 600,000.

Thirdly consider History. Women’s Suffrage, Civil Rights and the Child Labor and Collective Bargaining Acts were all grassroots movements. The American Revolution was a grassroots movement. Surely we can muster the courage to enact the Fair Tax.

Lastly, consider that The Fair Tax Bill (HR-25 and S-25) (overview attached) has more co-sponsors than any other bill in history! That’s right, more than any other!

I am not naive. This bill will not pass this year. But, in 2007 it could pass Congress and be signed into law by President Bush – he has already said he will sign it if it is brought to his desk. If it fails to pass Congress in 2007 or 2008, it will be an issue in the 2008 election if we make it so!

I am convinced that the Fair Tax will be the best thing for America since the Revolution. I beg you to read the Fair Tax book! Visit www.fairtax.org to learn more about the Fair Tax and how you can help. Join the Yahoo group, National Fair Tax Roundtable and get on board with this movement so we can make it happen. Your love for your children and grandchildren demands it! Your love for America demands it .

Now, go do the right thing.

Debbie K.

A little blue lately …

Earlier this week, someone at work noted that my taste in music is “dark.”

… no, just the way I’ve felt lately …

I haven’t been sleeping much, which is putting me a little on edge. And even if I *do* sleep, I have the nightmares … and they’ve been getting worse. They aren’t as vivid as the one I had the other night, but they’ve been along the same lines.

I’ve been kind of down because I never did hear back from the place I interviewed with, which of course tells me that I didn’t get it. I can’t help but feel bad because I know that my credit is what is keeping me from getting several potentially great jobs. I pulled a credit report last month and saw that several entries were outdated or just plain wrong, so I’ve had to file motions with all three credit reporting agencies to have the entries corrected.

I’m good at what I do. I work very hard. I put in the time and effort that are necessary to get the job done right, and gladly go the extra mile to make sure that my customers are happy. But that means shit all if you’ve filed bankruptcy and/or have several “dark spots” on your financial records.

Anyways, so yeah, I guess I have been in a bit of a “dark” mood … and my musical selections have been either all old blues or sappy soapy depressi-goth.

It’s a rut, and I’ll get out of it … I just don’t feel like it right now.

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