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Humpday Hilarities

This one came from my mother:

The 6 Phases of Work

Phase 1

You are listening to jazz — Your first day at work is great. Your coworkers are wonderful, your cubicle is cute, and your boss is the best!

Phase 2

You are listening to pop music — After a while you are so busy that you are not sure if you’re coming or going anymore.

Phase 3

You are listening to heavy metal — This is what you feel like at month end.

Phase 4

You are listening to hip hop — You become bloated due to stress, feel sluggish and suffer from constipation. Your coworkers are too cheerful for your liking and the walls of your cubicle are closing in. You have started thinking ‘WHATEVER’ about your boss.

Phase 5

You are listening to GANGSTA RAP — After more time passes, your eyes start to twitch, you forget what a ‘good hair day’ feels like as you just fall out of bed and load up on caffeine.

Phase 6

You are listening to the voices in your head — You have build a makeshift door on your cubicle to keep people out, You have a dartboard with your bosses picture on it in your cube, You wonder why you are even here in the first place.

Humpday Hilarities

This week’s edition courtesy of my mother and is a local one

Tailgating Dog

A lady was telling her son the other day that she saw a man driving down I-10 and a dog was hanging on the to the tailgate for dear life. She said if he hadn’t been going so fast in the other direction she would have tried to stop him.

A few weeks later her son saw this truck at the bass pro shop. It’s a taxidermist!

This is in Daphne, Alabama.

I’ve so GOT to find out who that guy is and ask what possessed him to stick his stuffed dog on his truck’s tailgate!

Humpday Hilarities

My mother sent in this one:

Who hasn’t had this happen to them?

You find something festive that you would like to slip into.

It seems a little small, but you’re QUITE SURE that in recent years, you’ve worn this size. So you work with it.

You try it on different ways…..

From different angles you examine yourself.

Finally, you admit that it does feel A LITTLE tight.

Someone offers you a larger size, which you find highly insulting.

I mean, it might be a tight fit, but you still look GOOD!

Hey, we have all been there!

More human than a human

I’m sitting here trying to catch up on my feeds. I saw two entries by two different people, whom I consider very dear, which saddened me. Both had each recently lost a furry loved one.

I must have been muttering to myself, because a coworker overhead me and commented on how he couldn’t understand “how people get so attached to animals.” I ignored his comment, but it did hit a nerve. Anyone who knows me even a little knows how much I love animals, and anyone who knows me well knew about Hobie. I was absolutely devastated when she passed away. Here, a year and a half later, I still think of her often and will break down whenever I see something of hers … an old picture, one of her collars, an old toy tucked away somewhere, …

I still catch myself listening for the sound of padded paws on the carpet — she had one claw that always “stuck” so you could hear her coming. Late at night I sometimes sit up in bed and listen, thinking that I heard her pitter-patter across the kitchen floor.

And sometimes, out of the corner of my eye, I still see her — but only for a moment.

She was much more than a mere “pet” to me. She was my childhood companion, my comforter, my friend. She was my little diva, and my angel and devil all wrapped in one. She was more “human” than some people I know. And I still miss her very much.

If you’re so inclined, please keep Skizo and Sangi in your thoughts and prayers.

Humpday Hilarities

Today’s funny comes courtesy of my mother:

Post Turtle

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old Texas rancher, whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Obama and his bid to be our President.

The old rancher said, “Well, ya know, Obama is a ‘post turtle’.” Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a ‘post turtle’ was. The old rancher said, “When you’re driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s a ‘post turtle’.”

The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor’s face, so he continued to explain. “You know he didn’t get up there by himself, he doesn’t belong up there, he doesn’t know what to do while he is up there, and you just wonder what kind of a person put him up there.”

I laughed myself off into the deep end

I totally lost all composure while reading this just now at work:

That’s it! I can’t do anything else today. I simply can’t work anymore in this condition. I’m powerless against the charms of “NOM“.

Oh, and now I got that stupid song in my head … and you do too, don’t you?

Humpday Hilarities

Today’s funny bit is very cute and comes courtesy of my mother:

An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard; I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.

He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head; he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks.

Curious I pinned a note to his collar: ‘I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.’

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: ‘He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he’s trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?’

Humpday Hilarities

My mother sent me this one, and I think it addresses a problem that plagues us all: Anger Management.

Sometimes when you are angry with someone, it helps to sit down, take a moment to cool off, and think about the problem.

Humpday Hilarities

Today’s funny comes courtesy of Cute Overload: