Sweet Home Alabama
"Sweet Home Alabama" is a song by the Southern rock band Lynyrd Skynyrd. It first appeared in 1974 on their second album, Second Helping. "Sweet Home Alabama" was written as an answer to the songs "Southern Man" and "Alabama" by Neil Young, which were critical of the South. Entries in this category will be things of interest about or in this lovely state that I call home.
Alabama is a state located in the Southern United States. It is bordered by Tennessee to the north, Georgia to the east, Florida and the Gulf of Mexico to the south, and Mississippi to the west. The twenty-second state admitted to the Union, Alabama seceded from the union in 1861 to become part of the Confederate States of America. Following the Civil War and Reconstruction, Alabama was readmitted to the union in 1868.
Miscellaneous Alabama Facts:
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Nicknames: Yellowhammer State, Heart of Dixie
Motto: Audemus jura nostra defendere
Official language: English
Largest city: Birmingham
Time zone: Central, UTC-6/DST-5
Abbreviations: AL US-AL
Web site: www.alabama.gov
State bird: Yellowhammer
State flower: Camellia
State reptile: Alabama red-bellied turtle
State soil: Bama
State song: "Alabama" / Sweet Home Alabama (unofficial)
State spirit: Conecuh Ridge
State tree: Longleaf Pine
State fossils: Basilosaurus cetoides
Did you know?
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- Alabama introduced the Mardi Gras to the western world. The celebration is held on Shrove Tuesday, the day before Lent begins.
- Alabama workers built the first rocket to put humans on the moon.
- Alabama is the only state with all major natural resources needed to make iron and steel. It is also the largest supplier of cast-iron and steel pipe products.
- Huntsville is known as the rocket capital of the World.
- The Alabama Department of Archives is the oldest state-funded archival agency in the nation.
- The word 'Alabama' means tribal town in the Creek Indian language.
- Alabama resident Sequoyah devised the phonetic, written alphabet of the Cherokee language.
- At the Battle of Mobile Bay Admiral David Farragut issued his famous command, "Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead." The event occurred on August 5, 1864.
- Alabama generally ranges in elevation from sea level at Mobile Bay, to a little more than 1,800 feet (550 m) in the Appalachian Mountains in the northeast. The highest point is Mount Cheaha.
- The North Alabama region is mostly mountainous, with the Tennessee River cutting a large valley creating numerous creeks, streams, rivers, mountains, and lakes.
- National Parks in Alabama include Horseshoe Bend National Military Park in Daviston; Little River Canyon National Preserve in Fort Payne; Russell Cave National Monument in Bridgeport; Tuskegee Airmen National Historic Site in Tuskegee; and Tuskegee Institute National Historic Site near Tuskegee. Alabama also contains the Natchez Trace Parkway, the Selma To Montgomery National Historic Trail, and the Trail Of Tears National Historic Trail.
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I had taken this last week when it was a little warmer (above freezing even!) and had wanted to post it before now but have been caught up in a whirlwind of stuff going on … details to come, I promise.
Anyways, here’s a good sign that Spring is near: I’ve been seeing my little favorite reptiles out and about around the grounds outside the house, and heard the first tree frog calls of the year just this past weekend. Thankfully, this cute little guy sat still long enough for me to run to get the camera and snap off a few shots:
I don’t know about y’all, but I am SO looking forward to griping about the heat! Stay warm, everyone!
May 16, 2012 by Nicki
Today’s funnies start off with this one courtesy of Jeff on Facebook:
One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner, Mother Potato and her three daughters. Midway through the meal, the eldest daughter spoke up. “Mother Potato?” she said, “I have an announcement to make.”
“And what might that be?” said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter’s eyes.
“Well,” replied the daughter with a proud but sheepish grin, “I’m getting married!”
The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, “Married! That’s wonderful! And who are you marrying, Eldest daughter?”
“I’m marrying a Russet!”
“A Russet!” replied Mother Potato with pride. “Oh, a Russet is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!”
As the family shared in the eldest daughter’s joy, the middle daughter spoke up. “Mother? I, too, have an announcement.”
“And what might that be?” encouraged Mother Potato.
Not knowing quite how to begin, the middle daughter paused, then said with conviction, “I, too, am getting married!”
“You, too!” Mother Potato said with joy. “That’s wonderful! Twice the good news in one evening! And who are you marrying, Middle Daughter?”
“I’m marrying an Idaho!” beamed the middle daughter.
“An Idaho!” said Mother Potato with joy. “Oh, an Idaho is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!”
Once again, the room came alive with laughter and excited plans for the future when the youngest Potato daughter interrupted. “Mother? Mother Potato? Um, I, too, have an announcement to make.”
“Yes?” said Mother Potato with great anticipation.
“Well,” began the youngest Potato daughter with the same sheepish grin as her eldest sister before her, “I hope this doesn’t come as a shock to you, but I am getting married as well!”
“Really?” said Mother Potato with sincere excitement. “All of my lovely daughters married! What wonderful news! And who, pray tell, are you marrying, Youngest Daughter?”
“I’m marrying Dan Rather!”
“DAN RATHER?!” Mother Potato scowled suddenly. “But he’s just a common tater!”
This one is courtesy of The Daily What:
This next one is courtesy of Lisa:
New Direct TV Commercial
“When your cable goes out, you can’t study game film.
When you can’t study game film, you lose to Alabama.
When you lose to Alabama, you get depressed.
When you get depressed, you buy a Harley.
When you buy a Harley, you meet hot, young ex-volleyball players.
When you meet hot, young ex-volleyball players, you go on joy rides.
When you go on joy rides, you end up in a roadside ditch.
Don’t end up in a roadside ditch.”
Football season starts tomorrow. This is absolutely one of my favorite times of year. I’m ready. Are YOU ready, Bama fans?
This just in …
FORECAST ****SEVERE STORM WARNING**** THE CRIMSON TIDE IS ESTIMATED TO HIT LAND IN (3) DAYS … PICKING UP WIND DAILY, EXPECTED TO BE A CATEGORY 5 CATASTROPHE THAT WILL CAUSE MAJOR DAMAGE, EXPECTED TO HIT IN THE SOUTHERN PART OF THE U.S. ON SATURDAY AROUND NOON AND LAST FOURTEEN WEEKS … SEC TAKE COVER … THE TIDE IS ROLLING IN!
ROLL TIDE ROLL!
I’d like to start by saying: We’re OK! We really appreciate the emails, texts, Tweets, Facebook messages, and so on. We made it out with little damage and are really counting our blessings. Many in our neighboring communities did not fare so well. My beloved state and home is hurting right now, and there are many who did not make it through the storms. My heart goes out to all affected by yesterday’s destructive weather.
Gardendale made it out OK for the most part. Our sister city, Fultondale, looks like a war zone. Had the tornado that hit Birmingham been just a few miles northward, that would’ve been us. But it wasn’t, I have to keep telling myself. We were really lucky. We have many friends in other affected communities: Cullman, Tuscaloosa, Prattville, Warrior, Huntsville, downtown Birmingham. This particular system hit all the way up and down the state, leaving massive destruction in its wake. We had plenty of warning, but how do you prepare for an F5 tornado?
It just goes to show that no matter how prepared you think you are, it’s never enough. I’ve found that a smart phone is no replacement for a weather radio or battery-operated radio and stock of flashlights. That said, I have to give kudos to ABC33/40 for their nice weather app. I’m a big Fox6 fan, but found 33/40′s easier to use when we lost power. I was able to still get streaming video and weather updates …
… at least until the cell towers died.
But seriously, there’s still a lot of folks sitting in the dark right along with us; or worse, have no home to come back to. Please keep my fellow Alabamians in your thoughts and/or prayers. And for anyone looking for resources to help (or for help), here’s what I’ve found so far:
To donate to disaster victims in Alabama:
- Online: go to www.alredcross.org and click on the “donate now” link on the homepage
- Call: 1-800-RED-CROSS (1-800-733-2767) and you will be prompted to a menu that includes financial donations
- Text: “Red Cross” to 90999. A response will include two options for donations, either to Japan or for Disasters: domestic and spring storms.
To get in touch with local chapters:
- Northern Alabama http://www.redcrossrelief.org/
- Mid-Alabama (Birmingham) http://www.alredcross.org/general.asp?SN=8618&OP=8619&IDCapitulo=DRGYJ0Q5XZ
- Central Alabama (Montgomery) http://www.montgomeryarc.org/
- Southern Alabama http://www.redcrossalcoast.org/
Find a Red Cross shelter near you:
For storm survivors: Register yourself as “Safe and Well:”
My apologies for this being late. We have had severe weather this week in Alabama, and (at home) we are currently still without power and cell service. Hope y’all are all OK!
This week’s funnies are courtesy of John:
First you must learn how to pronounce the major cities…Burminham; Huntsvul; Mobeeeel
Driving Information: Alabama has its own version of traffic rules. The truck with the loudest exhaust goes next at a four-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires goes after that.
Note: Blue-haired ladies driving anything have the right-of-way anytime.
To find anything in Burminham, it is required that you know where Malfunction Junction is, which is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. It may be one of only two ‘cloverleaf formation’
interchanges in the world. We invented it and only one other city was stupid enough to implement it again Atlanta — making them only a wee bit dumber than we are.
The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday morning. If the term ‘merging delays’ is ever used by the person reporting the traffic, even in passing, call in to work and tell them that you will be at least 30 minutes late regardless of where you are in your commute.
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be (at the very least) rear-ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. This applies to male and female drivers alike.
You must know that ‘I-459,’ ‘I-59,’ ‘I-20,’ and ‘I-65′ are the same road. They just loop around, cutting in and out of each other’s path. We think this was a ploy utilized to confuse outsiders and discourage visitors after the War of Northern Aggression.
Always, always, always, find out if it is a race or football weekend before you get on any of these highways to travel somewhere. If it is a race or football weekend, stay home. You won’t be pleasantly going anywhere else.
Construction is a permanent fixture in Alabama . The barrels are moved around in the middle of the night to make the next day’s driving a little more interesting. The barrels stay long after construction ends because the construction company has nowhere else to store them until their next construction job.
If someone has their turn signal on, wave them over to the shoulder immediately to let them know — you can be sure it was accidentally activated’.
The minimum acceptable speed on ‘I-65′ (see above) is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy.
This is also Alabama ‘s state-highway-sponsored version of NASCAR — especially during rush hour (see above) and everyone in the city is driving at once, bumper-to-bumper. If you are in the left lane and only going 70 in a 55-65 zone, you are considered a road hazard, and will be ‘flipped a bird’ accordingly.
Do not gawk at the woman in the car beside you in traffic who is applying make-up, drinking a Diet Coke, smoking a Marlboro, and maintaining a steady speed of 85 mph on I-65 in rush hour traffic. If she is coming from north of Burminham, she might be packing. If she is coming from south of Burminham, she IS packing and is not afraid to use it.
Weather Information: If it’s 110 degrees, Thanksgiving could be next weekend. If it’s 10-20 degrees and sleeting or snowing, then watch out. Burminham residents consider this ‘demolition derby’ day and will be all over the roads (front ways, sideways, etc). Please proceed with caution, as you could be the next target. 100 degrees Fahrenheit is ‘a little warm’.
Seasonal Information: If you stick to the seats in your vehicle, it is Spring. If you need to let the car ‘get some air’ while standing next to it with the doors open for a minute before you can stick your upper body inside to crank it and get the air going, it is Summer. If you are sweating even with the windows down, driving 55 mph, it is Fall. If you finally turn the AC off and roll your windows up, it is Winter. You’ll probably have to switch from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’ in the same day. We have four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.
General Information: Do not ever speak during the song ‘ Sweet Home Alabama ‘ unless it is to sing along with the lyrics. This is a form of heresy and will erupt in a brawl if everyone doesn’t show ‘proper respect’ to the band who gave us Free Bird. This is especially true if alcohol is present (notice I didn’t say ‘sold at this event,’ but ‘present’).
Yes, we know that Vulcan is mooning the entire city of Burminham. It’s not that funny to us anymore, and by now we’re used to it.
If you ask someone for a ‘coke,’ they will often ask you, ‘What kind?’ This is not a trick question. Tell them what you want: Sprite, Dr.Pepper, Root Beer, etc., it is all ‘coke’.
All tea is sweet. If it’s not sweet, you are in a Chinese restaurant or have crossed the Mason-Dixon Line.
Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 o them live in Alabama.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Alabama, plus a couple no one’s seen before.
If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
Onced and Twiced are words.
It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.
People actually grow and eat okra.
‘Fixinto’ is one word..
There is no such thing as ‘lunch.’ There is only dinner and then supper.
Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you’re two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!
Backwards and forwards means ‘I know everything about you.
DGeet is actually a phrase meaning ‘Did you eat?’
You don’t have to wear a watch because it doesn’t matter what time it is.
You work until you’re done or it’s too dark to see.
You don’t PUSH buttons, you MASH them.
You measure distance in minutes.
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
You carry jumper cables in your car . . . for your OWN car.
There are only four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.
The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
The first day of deer season is a national holiday.
Going to Wal-mart is a favorite pastime.
Fried catfish is the other white meat.
We don’t need no stinking driver’s ed …. if our mama says we can drive, we can drive.
If you understand these jokes please forward them to your friends from Alabama (and those who just wish they were).
EVERYONE can’t be a Alabamian; it takes talent. You might say it’s an art form or a gift from God!
Today’s funnies start off with this one from Don:
The Blind Bunny
One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell right on his twitchy little nose.
“Oh please excuse me,” said the bunny. “I didn’t mean to trip over you, but I’m blind and can’t see.”
“That’s perfectly all right,” replied the snake. “To be sure, it was my fault. I didn’t mean to trip you, but I’m blind too, and I didn’t see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?”
“Well, I really don’t know,” said the bunny. “I’m blind, and I’ve never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out.”
So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, “Well, you’re soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose. You must be a bunny rabbit!
The bunny said, “I can’t thank you enough. But by the way, what kind of animal are you?”
The snake replied that he didn’t know either, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when the bunny was finished, the snake asked, “Well, what kind of an animal am I?”
The bunny had felt the snake all over, and he replied, “You’re cold, you’re slippery, and you haven’t got any balls…. You must be a politician.”
And this one is courtesy of my mother:
The year is 2016 and the United States has just elected the first woman as well as the first Bama president, Susan Downsouth. A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says, ‘So, Dad, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?’
‘I don’t think so. It’s a 16 hour drive, your mother isn’t as young as she used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again.’
‘Don’t worry about it Dad, I’ll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door.’
‘I don’t know. Everybody will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?’
Oh Dad, replies Susan, ‘I’ll make sure she has a wonderful gown custom-made by the best designer in Washington.’
‘Honey,’ Dad complains, ‘you know I can’t eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat.’
The President-to-be responds, ‘Don’t worry Dad. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in Washington, I’ll ensure your meals are salt free Dad, I really want you to come.’
So Dad reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2017, Susan Downsouth is being sworn in as President of the United States. In the front row sits the new president’s Dad and Mom. Dad noticing the senator sitting next to him leans over and whispers, ‘You see that woman over there with her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States .’
The Senator whispers back, ‘Yes I do.’
Dad says proudly, ‘Her brother played football at Alabama for Nick Saban.’
February 23, 2011 by Nicki
Last week I was delighted to discover that the iTunes store carries many of the recordings of Lewis Grizzard, so I’m going to share a few of my favorite snippets with y’all today.
Hope y’all are having a great week!
Today’s funnies start off with these gems from Cookie:
A “different” Creation explanation
In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God’s great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, “You want chocolate with that?” And Man said, “Yes!” and Woman said, “and as long as you’re at it, add some sprinkles.” And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.
So God said, “Try my fresh green salad.” And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, “I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them.” And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof. God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it “Angel Food Cake,” and said, “It is good.” Satan then created chocolate cake and named it “Devil’s Food.”
God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald’s and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, “You want fries with that?” And Man replied, “Yes! And super size them!” And Satan said, “It is good.” And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Then Satan created Cuts to the Health Care System.
I’d like to point out that:
In 2011, both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union address occur on the same day.
I want to take this time to point out:
It is an ironic juxtaposition of events; one involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a creature of little intelligence and competence for prognostication, while the other involves a groundhog.
And last but certainly not least is a football-related funny from Jeff, written by Roy Exum for The Chattanoogan:
Of all the post-season bowl games, the one I anticipated the most was Saturday’s Capital One match-up between Alabama and Big Ten co-champ Michigan State, because I figured it would be a great game. Well, it turned out to be a 49-7 rout, which shows how mighty the Crimson Tide can be and how little I know about college football.
The problem is that a lot of Michigan State fans thought the same thing, as you’ll see in a minute. MSU, winning a share of the first Big 10 title in 20 years, had high hopes, but on a cold afternoon when the Big 10 would go 0-5 on New Year’s Day, the 24/7 message board on a Michigan State booster website during the game was hysterical.
Understand, the game was a mockery, grown men playing havoc with mere children. Alabama seemed to score at will, striking on the first five possessions while dominating the Spartans so badly on defense, MSU had only 171 yards in total offense compared to the Crimson Tide’s 543. MSU left the field with minus-47 yards rushing in the most lop-sided Orlando bowl ever.
Michigan State quarterback Kirk Cousins was sacked four times, finally leaving the game in the fourth quarter with “a severe headache.” After drumming up a 28-0 halftime lead, Alabama played mostly subs the second half – you get the picture, right?
Michigan State coach Mark Dantonio, who had whined before the game that his team wasn’t getting enough respect, said afterwards, “We were outcoached, we were outplayed, and we were out-physicaled and that’s just the way it is. Sometimes, you get an avalanche come on you and that’s just what happened.”
But the Spartans’ fans said it better. Allow me to share the MSU message board during the game:
“Julio takin’ us to schoolio.” (just after Alabama wide receiver Julio Jones ran 35 yards for a touchdown on a reverse.)
“Why are they allowing Alabama to play with 35 players on defense?”
“I think their punter is currently drinking around the world in Epcot.” (Alabama didn’t punt until midway through the third quarter).
“If we played 10 times, they would win 15.”
“If Cam Newton costs $200,000 for a season, how much is a 2nd half rental?”
“…and now Cousins is dead.” (referring to MSU’s starting QB after the fourth sack)
“If I was our QB I would hire an attorney and sue them for negligence or intentional infliction of physical and emotional distress.”
“I’m ready to accept MSU boosters paying for an offensive line. If we get caught I can deal with it.”
“This is getting out of hand…an Alabama defensive lineman just popped out of my TV and threw me 10 yards behind my couch.”
“Do you think this is how Custer felt?”
“We’re going to have a wing named after us at Orlando Regional Medical Center by the time this game finishes.”
“This is embarrassing. So are we officially a basketball school again?”
“I want to know how many times in the history of organized football that teams have punted on 4th and goal”
“So this is what they mean by team speed.”
“If I’m (Andrew) Maxwell, I fake an injury on the way to the huddle.” (referring to the MSU freshman backup QB, who was knocked out of the game three plays later).
It’s just like Mark Twain once said, “Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.”
Excellent article, Roy!
I have a bounty of funnies today — all football related.
These are all courtesy of my co-workers:
An Auburn math professor comes in all ticked off and says, “You guys did very poorly on my test yesterday. I will not be surprised if half of you fail my class!”
A student raises his hand and the professor says “What?”
The student says, “But Professor, I’m the only one in the class.”
A man takes his wife, (who used to be an Auburn Cheerleader) hunting, and impresses on her again and again that “If you shoot a deer, don’t let someone else claim that they shot it also and that since they killed it… it’s their deer!”
He’s in his stand for hardly 10 minutes when he hears his wife shooting nearby. He rushes over to her stand to find her pointing her gun at a man who is loudly disclaiming, “It’s your deer lady. It’s your deer. Just lemme get my saddle off it!!!!”
A guy named Joe receives a free ticket to the Iron Bowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Joe arrives at the stadium, he realizes his seat is in the last row in the upper deck. He is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter, Joe sees through his binoculars an empty seat 10 rows from the field right on the 50 yard line. He decides to take a chance and make his way through the stadium to the empty seat. As he sits down, Joe asks the gentleman sitting next to him, “Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?” The man says “No”.
Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Joe again inquires of the man next to him, “This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Auburn-Alabama game and not use it?!” The man replies, “Well actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Iron Bowl we haven’t been together at since we got married in 1960.”
“Well, that’s really sad,” Joe said, “but still, you couldn’t find anyone to take the seat? A friend or close relative?”
“No,” the man relied, They’re all at the funeral!”
An Auburn city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old farmer living outside Tuscaloosa. The farmer’s prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The farmer only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace. The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the farmer and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the farmer agreed to take half of what he was asking.
After the farmer had signed the release and took the check, the Auburn lawyer couldn’t resist gloating a little over his success, telling the farmer, “You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn’t have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn’t have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!”
The old farmer replied, “Well, I’ll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning.”
What do two quarters at the bottom of a toilet and an Auburn cheerleader have in common?
Everyone sees them but no one picks them up.
What do you call an Auburn football player with a National Championship ring?
What’s the difference between an Auburn fan and a litter of puppies?
After 6 weeks, the puppies stop whining.
A young boy and his mother were in the cemetery visiting the grave of a loved one. They came upon a headstone that read, “Here lies a Auburn graduate and an honest man.” The boy then asked his mother, “Mommy, why did they bury two men in there?”
An Auburn football player was bragging to a group of co-eds that he finished a jigsaw puzzle in only 3 months. One girl said, “Three months? You’re proud of that?” The Aubie said, “Yep. On the box it said 4-6 years!”
A man walks into a store says to the clerk, “I’d like a pair of blue shoes, a orange shirt, a pair of white pants.”
The clerk looks at him and shakes his head saying, “You must be an Auburn fan!”
The man proclaims with pride, “How could you tell, was it the color scheme?”
The clerk looks at him and says “No, this is a hardware store.”
A football fan walks into a small shop in Birmingham. He spots a bottle labeled “Alabama Football Player Brains”, $5 an ounce. He asks the clerk if there are any other bottles.
The clerk replies, “Well, we’ve got Tennessee brains for $10 an ounce, and Auburn football brains for $1,000,000 an ounce.”
The man says, “Why the big difference in price?”
The clerk answers,”Do you know how many Auburn football players we have to kill to get an ounce of brains!”
Two boys are playing football in a vacant lot when one of the boys is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the first little boy rips a board off a nearby fence, wedges it down the dog’s collar, and twists, breaking the dog’s neck and killing him instantly.
A reporter, who happens to be strolling nearby, sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. “That was the most incredible act of bravery I’ve ever seen!” the reporter exclaims. He whips out his notebook and furiously scribbles the headline: “Young Bama Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal!”
The little hero sees this and says, “But sir, I’m not a Bama Fan, I’m an Auburn Fan!”
The reporter looks warily at the boy for a moment, then flips the page and begins a new headline: “Little Redneck Kills Beloved Family Pet”
What do they put on the bottoms of Coke bottles at Auburn?
Please open other end.
Why is ice is no longer available in the drinks at the cafeterias at Auburn?
The senior who knew the recipe graduated.
I hope everyone has a lovely Thanksgiving! Can’t wait until Friday to see the big game!
ROLL TIDE ROLL!
This week’s funnies start off with this one from Jerri Lynn:
Georgia football practice was delayed nearly 2 hrs this morning after a player found an unknown white powdery substance on the field. Coach Richt immediately suspended practice. Forensic experts determined that the white substance, unknown to the players, was the goal line. Practice resumed this afternoon after agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again!!!
And this one from Jeff:
Q: What’s the difference between a bath tub and an Auburn football player?
A: Eventually the bath tub gets a ring.
ROLL TIDE ROLL!