Currently browsing: Scary moments

Update on my health …

I just got off the phone with my doctor’s office, they finally received my test results — I have gall stones, and will need to have them removed. They’ll be referring me to a surgeon, I requested Brookwood Hospital because they took care of Jim when he was there. So I’ll be having surgery, and it’s been recommended that I have it soon.

Not that I want to put it off and risk another attack like last week’s!

Thank you to all who’ve sent warm wishes and prayers. Please continue to keep my family in your thoughts and prayers as well … because Lord help me, I’m about to choke my husband!

Nicki

Pain is bad, mmkay?

Looking back, I guess it should have struck me as strange that I wasn’t at all hungry Tuesday evening. I’d taken Jessie to work with me Tuesday and we had Stix for lunch. I just assumed because I’d had a huge greasy meal that I was a little out of sorts from that and didn’t think much about the lack of appetite. Around 2am Wednesday morning I awoke from a sound sleep with an excruciating pain. It hurt from just below my sternum, to underneath just the bottom of both sides of my ribs, all the way down the middle of my belly. It was like there was a huge burning knot in my abdomen and someone was trying to pull it tighter and tighter.

A slight back-track: I’d had this pain before, about 3 weeks ago, but it had only lasted a couple hours so I shrugged it off. This time was MUCH more intense and the pain lasted over 8 hours!

I know, I know … I should’ve had Jim take me to the emergency room, but I’m a proud stubborn (stupid!) woman and convinced myself that I could last the few hours until my doctor’s office opened. I phoned them as soon as they opened and was worked in that morning. I described to my doctor where I hurt and what I’d eaten the day before. She poked and prodded various places around my belly and sides — and even though the tightness and burning was gone, my stomach still HURT LIKE HELL when being pressed upon! She said it’s most likely my gall bladder and scheduled me for an ultrasound.

I had the ultrasound yesterday morning along with a few other tests, and am still waiting to hear the results. I know I’m driving the office staff crazy over there because I’ve been calling about every other hour asking if they had any news for me yet.

The not-knowing is killing me.

Everyone keeps telling me that gall bladder surgery is nothing to worry about nowadays and is “no big deal” … but you know me, I worry about the things I can’t control. Plus, I’m not crazy about being out of work the past couple days and I know that if/when I need surgery, I’ll need to be out more.

It serves me right for not having it checked out sooner I guess.

So, when I know more, I’ll post updates for everyone. Right now, it’s still pretty much a waiting game. If you’re the praying kind, I could really use it — and please include my family, they’re the ones putting up with me.

It’s not personal

Wow, it’s been a week already. I think last week was the longest week I could remember in a long time. *shrug*

I had a chance to have lunch with some of my (now former) co-workers Friday and someone remarked, “Wow, you’re handling this so WELL!”

Well, not really …

I’ve put on a semi-happy face when people are around, but sitting at home by myself, I’ll admit it’s hard not to feel down. I’ve lost all interest in my sites and have for the most part been ignoring my feeds and pretty much all social networks.

I was talking to a friend earlier today and noted that Friday there were some who I’d worked with or for who couldn’t seem to bring themselves to speak to me. I’m sure my getting laid off then being back in the office so soon after made things “weird” for some people. I kept telling myself, “It’s not personal. It was a financially driven decision that had nothing to do with my performance.” (Hell, I even have that in writing!)

But that’s just it … it IS personal. I loved that job. I loved the people I worked with. I even loved some of my customers. I took my job very seriously and always, every day, did my absolute best with pride. How could I not take it personally when I’m told that my position has been “eliminated” and to, “Get your crap and get out.”

Ok, they didn’t really say the last part, but it’s the same if you ask me.

And so I’m taking it personally. I’ve snapped at my family. I’ve cried every time I’d hear from one of my co-workers. I’ve cried every time I’d hear from one of my customers (one of whom gave me an absolute glowing recommendation this weekend). I’ve felt even worse when I check all my job feeds and see no new postings.

And at this point, part of me wishes I had gone into the medical field … there’s never a shortage of jobs over there!

So yeah, I’m not out of “the funk” just yet …

Here I go again … I’ve just been laid off

I’ve always said that you know the situation is bad if you’re called into a meeting and both your supervisor and the head of HR are attending.

That was exactly the case today. I was just about to grab my things and head out to lunch and my boss came by to ask me if I could meet with him for a moment. My first thought was “Am I in trouble?” but couldn’t think of anything I’d done recently to piss anyone off. (actually I’ve been on my best behavior for the most part lately, trying to be a better role model employee and all that … pity)

I sat down at the table and could read the upside-down print on the paper being held by one of the HR people sitting across from me. I read the word “severance” and knew instantly that this wasn’t a good thing. Sure enough, the division has started another round of cutbacks and I’m one of them. I don’t remember much about what all was said to me, but I think I understood most of it.

I remember what irritated me the most: my name was misspelled on the documents. I commented that I knew I was low on the totem pole because half the division could never learn (or make the effort) to spell my name properly. I was assured that wasn’t the case, this was not a reflection of my work, et cetera, et cetera, …

It still stings though. And to be honest, when the state started cutting back last year and then the hiring freeze came, and then they said no raises or bonuses, et. al., I knew that a “low level” position like mine (as compared to the rest of my department) could possibly be cut.

So now here I am … again. Jobless. Feeling a little down, yes, but trying not to be.

I’m sitting here looking over my resume, but honestly I keep thinking about all the designs I did for them that will probably never be used — I really wish I had had the chance to back them up on disk first!

Oh well, at least ONE of my designs are on a public site, and I can put that on my resume.

So … anyone who had my work email address, please email my gmail or nickifaulk.com address from now on.

Oh … and I need a job.

Out of context, out of line?

This afternoon, Jim (unintentionally) gave me quite a scare. When last I saw him this morning, he was going to head by the house then on to work. I remember pulling onto the highway and watching him roll onto the lane going in the opposite direction. Fast forward to this afternoon, John called me at work asking me if I knew where Jim was. “What? He’s not there?” My mind raced. John had spoken to him not long after I last saw him and hadn’t seen nor heard from him since.

Long story short: Jim had sat down “for a few moments” at his desk and apparently had fallen asleep — he had been at home the whole time.

I was able to get a hold of him after calling the house a few times and he explained what happened. I fussed a small bit (not wanting to yell at work) and got my things together to leave for the day. A few co-workers had overheard and came by to make sure everything was ok. I was still pumped up on adrenaline and my blood-pressure I’m sure was through the roof. I jokingly replied, “Yeah. I’m going to beat him upside the head when I get home!”

Now, anyone who knows me knows that I say that in jest. In fact, I say that I’ll “beat his head in” all the time. I don’t beat my husband. I don’t beat my child. I laugh and carry-on, but it is entirely in jest. I do as my mother did — joke about it to keep from pulling my hair out and going crazy.

But what if someone had heard what I said, took it out of context, and called the police?

I ran across a Google Reader item shared by Ike Pigott linking to a post by someone who had something along those lines happen to her. Thordora had (in jest) commented on Twitter about bringing harm to her child, who wouldn’t go to sleep.

What NORMAL parent hasn’t uttered a snarky or humorously ludicrous remark out of frustration, annoyance, and dare I said it … love?

Someone following her tweets had local police notified of the “threat”. Officers arrived at her home and demanded to see her children (who obviously had not been harmed). Understandably, Thordora is upset with this person. (As I would be too!)

To me though, this reinforces something that I had come to realize through my experiences on other social networking services (mainly MySpace and Facebook) — careful who you “friend”.

News of Fravia+

I received an email from Father Luke this morning with news that a mutual friend has fallen ill … Fravia+. According to a post on his site, he was diagnosed a little over a year ago with a tumor — a metastatic squamous cell carcinoma of the neck, to be exact. He has had many months of therapy and will be undergoing various operations and experimental chemotherapy to try to slow the tumor’s growth.

On his site he quotes, “Si sta / come d’autunno / sugli alberi le foglie.” This loosely means “We are as the leaves that cling to the branch in Autumn”, an Italian poem “Soldati” by Giuseppe Ungaretti. It’s about life, fall, uncertainty and things passing by. Fravia+ is uncertain of his chances of survival.

Something that had impressed me — for every occasion, his quotes and teachings contained poignant messages with deeper meaning.

While we’ve lost touch over the years, he is someone I have always respected. You see, way back when I was an “internet youngling”, I considered Fravia+ to be a teacher and friend, and I’m deeply saddened by the news of his illness.

Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.

Reflection and call to action

I received a text message from a friend late last night which said:

“Now I know how you feel when Auburn wins.”

Jim woke me up last night to tell me the news. While the three-ring media circus leading up to this event is finally over, I could not shake this feeling of dread. I had to remind myself that even though the man I wanted to win did not, the one that did works for me and the other 300 million Americans who live in this great land!

Taking my cue from BlackFive, I will now stand up and demand that the man in charge listen. And I hope others will do the same.

Demand that President Obama not cut and run from Iraq or Afghanistan.

Demand that President Obama not allow tyrants and thugs to threaten us our the world with nuclear weapons.

Demand that he respect our constitutional rights regarding free speech and gun ownership.

Demand that our “wealth” will not be “shared” with some lazy, no account, welfare dirtbags who would rather have a hand-out than a hand up to something better.

Demand that President Barack Obama respect the sacrifices of the great men and women who keep this nation the last best hope for those that yearn for freedom and keep us from going gently into that good-night.

God bless those who have fought for our freedom to choose who we want to lead us. I think too often we forget how blessed we really are to live as free people. With that freedom comes responsibility, and that my friends, is in OUR HANDS.

“There is no nation on earth powerful enough to accomplish our overthrow. Our destruction, should it come at all, will be from another quarter. From the inattention of the people to the concerns of their government, from their carelessness and negligence. I must confess that I do apprehend some danger. I fear that they may place too implicit a confidence in their public servants and fail properly to scrutinize their conduct; that in this way they may be made the dupes of designing men and become the instruments of their own undoing.” — Daniel Webster

Stand, and be heard.

We will not forget

Today my coworkers and I are throwing a surprise “bridal” lunch for a lady in our department who is getting married Saturday. All festivities and funnery aside, the general mood here is somber. Life may go on, but we still remember.

I remember where I was, and what I was doing. I remember thinking of those dear to me who were in and around the twin towers in New York. I remember hearing a coworker whose nephew worked at the Pentagon, calling, frantically trying to reach him.

With the nation, I watched helplessly as the North Tower belched black smoke and fire, burning what little remained of American Airlines Flight 11. I wept as images of United Airlines Flight 175 hitting the South Tower, then American Airlines Flight 77 hitting the Pentagon, emerged on the national news. I watched in horror as the South Tower collapsed, followed by the North Tower just a half an hour later.

Now, seven years later, my memory is just as clear as it was the day it happened. I pray that America never forgets, as I have not forgotten. I am proud to see that I am not the only one:

• Zoey says that she is not afraid
• Fausta remembers Joseph Angelini, Jr. on her blog and podcast, as well as here and here
• Michelle Malkin remembers
• Alexander City Outlook remembers Jimmie Ira Holley, an Alabamian killed in the 9/11 attacks
• The Birmingham News reports of memorial services held here in the city today
• 7.62mm Justice says the heartache still lingers
• BlackFive asks “Have you forgotten?”
• Villainous Company writes about the War of Words
• Hooah Wife and Friends remembers
• RightwingSparkle says Never Forget
• Soldiers’ Angels Germany remembers her visit to Ground Zero
• Blue Star Chronicles remembers Jason Thomas and Lt. Michael Warchola
• Darleen’s Place remembers
• And Rightly So can’t cry enough (I’m with you there, dear!) and posted this lovely poem
• Yeah, Right, Whatever will never forget
• CatHouse Chat remembers with “In Memoriam”
• Reasoned Audacity wonders “How Would Liberals Have Protected Us?”
• Theodore’s World remembers
• Nice Deb says Never Again
• See Jane Mom asks “Please observe a moment of silent rage.”

And last but not least, Chris Muir remembers in today’s edition of Day by Day:

We must always remember, and persevere.

An update on things…

We are doing well. Saw the doctor and it appears that my aches and pains are not permanent. I’ve been feeling a lot better over the past couple of days, and Jessie’s bump on the head has all but disappeared.

My car is still incapacitated. Still sitting in my driveway. Still won’t lock properly. *sigh* Been dealing with several snags with the car insurance and rental companies, but things are finally starting to roll along.

Getting hit just before a holiday weekend sucks ass, don’tchaknow….

Should have a rental by tomorrow a.m. and hopefully someone will ride out to inspect the damages over the next couple of days. According to one of the adjusters, they’ve determined that it’s their liability and will be paying 100% on everything — which I knew all along, but they still have to be thorough and check out every little thing before starting the whole “we’ll pay for everything” process. (understandable, but aggravating … but what can ya do?)

I think I’ve replayed that accident at least a hundred times over and over in my mind. I know without a doubt that there was absolutely nothing in my control in this whole situation, but I can’t help obsessing over it. Luckily, we were in a large enough vehicle that we escaped with minimal shock and no permanent bodily harm.

That said, I can’t help thinking what would have happened if we were in Jim’s car … I seriously doubt his little Tiburon would’ve put up as much of a fight …

I know, I know … don’t dwell on it. (but that’s what I do!) This whole ordeal has been a real big PITA and a migraine-giver, but I can’t complain too much can I?

Funny thing: while sitting at the doctor’s office, received a call from the insurance company. It wasn’t a “good call” and shot my blood pressure up so high that they held me over and insisted on taking it again an hour later to ensure that it was just stress and not a real emergency. The fact that high blood pressure runs on my mother’s side of the family works against me there, and my doc “just wanted to be sure” that it hadn’t recently developed into a “real” problem considering I was sitting there already nursing a headache.

Yeah, better safe than sorry … and should’ve left the cell in the car. :lol:

I’m slowly catching up on emails and other business. I’ll most likely be back at work tomorrow. A big ‘Thanks!!’ goes out to everyone who’s called, emailed, etc. We appreciate your concern and support.

Time to reflect, unplug

At approximately 5:10pm CST, Jessie and I were in an automobile accident. We’re both ok. Jessie was in her car seat (a booster seat) and has a knot on her head and is still a little shaken up. I’ll be sore for a small bit, but we’re both OK and relatively unharmed. However, I cannot say the same for my car.

I was sitting, fully stopped, about to turn in to my subdivision. A young lady in a gold Pontiac G6 did not see my brake lights and hit me from behind at almost full speed. I say “almost” because she tried to stop suddenly … her brakes squealed, and BOOM! Knocked us forward with such momentum that everything in my dash came out and littered the car seats and floor. The A/C vents were knocked out on one side, I have no idea where my cigarette lighter is, my Bluetooth ear piece is also nowhere to be found, etc. — aggravating because I had *just* cleaned the inside of my car!

The external damage is a lot worse. Both back doors will not open or shut properly. The trunk door is slightly unhinged. The whole rear bumper and undercarriage is broken and mangled an hangs down off the car — in fact, the car is not drivable because it’s pushed up against my two back wheels. I’m also a little worried about 3 of the 5 doors not being able to properly close or lock. The seal around one of the back windows is also a bit warped — I think if she had hit me any harder it probably would have popped right out. Half of my tail lights are popped out of place and/or mangled. There’s gold paint all over the back end and back (trunk) door.

I felt sorry for the young lady who hit me, she was hysterical and had only had her car for 2 weeks. She kept crying and said, “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”, over and over. I really felt bad for her, I’ve been in her situation before and it’s an ugly feeling. Within minutes, her father and her agent (both lived nearby) were there, then a Gardendale police officer arrived. I had already called Jim at this point, and he was on his way home.

Luckily this happened outside our end of the subdivision, so we weren’t but just a few hundred yards from the house. Jim drove my car back to the house and Jessie and I hopped in his car. I’ve already called and left a message for my boss on his cell. I’m going to try to work from home tomorrow but at this point don’t know yet how much will get done (if anything at all).

I had wanted to post about other stuff, but to be honest, I just want to unplug for a bit and spend some time with my husband and daughter. It sounds so cliché, but we really are lucky it’s just the car that’s damaged. Everybody’s ok … cars are replaceable, people aren’t.

Hit my cell if it’s anything important … otherwise I’ll get around to email and other stuff later.

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