Happy 4th of July weekend

I hope everyone is having a happy and safe holiday weekend. July 4th is without a doubt one of my favorite holidays. It is the birthday of our nation — or, as I see it, the birthday of the greatest nation on earth. To quote President Ronald Reagan:

“There have been revolutions before and since ours, but those revolutions simply exchanged one set of rules for another. Ours was a revolution that changed the very concept of government.

Let the Fourth of July always be a reminder that here in this land, for the first time, it was decided that man is born with certain God-given rights; that government is only a convenience created and managed by the people, with no powers of its own except those voluntarily granted to it by the people.

“We sometimes forget that great truth, and we never should.”

We never should — truer words have never been spoken.

As we all enjoy the festivities, food, and games this weekend, let us all take some time to reflect on the events that precipitated this country’s independence and the freedoms that we enjoy. Let us remember that with freedom comes responsibility — if we don’t like the way things are going in this country, that it is our responsibility to make a change.

Let us also remember those who have given their lives to defend our freedom, and those who are fighting for them still.

Alabama Tea Party

It looks like the upcoming tea party will be much larger and accommodating those bringing their families. Nice! So, who all is going?

Goodbye, Helio

As of 3pm today, Jim and I are no longer Helio members. (yes, I know they are now Virgin Mobile, but apparently accounts are still separated in their system and for all intents and purposes, it’s still “Helio”) Wow, I can’t believe that two years have already passed!

My Ocean has been a really good device, but I can honestly say that now I’m glad that we upgraded. It was time to move forward and sadly, the Ocean 2 (or “O2″) isn’t near as nice as Apple’s iPhone aesthetically- (nor functionally-) speaking. So far, the AT&T service has been really good. Hopefully it’ll stay that way. (although I really DO wish they get their collective asses in gear on this MMS crap!)

So AT&T is not the devil?

Speaking specifically about their wireless service, I’ve got to admit that AT&T has made it a lot easier for me to do business with them. They’ve cleaned up the online billing process and I love their iPhone app — it’s great for paying on the spot, changing account info, checking usage stats, etc. They’ve even implemented a CSR chat function on their website. It has been great for letting me get small tasks taken care of without having to stay tied up on the phone. (which also allows me to work on other things at work while chatting with the CSR!)

I still won’t go back to them for internet or residential services, but hey I’m happy with the wireless service overall.

What about the extras?

Someone recently asked me what was to become of the fanlisting, blogroll, or other Helio-related goodies here. I think for now I’ll let them sit. If an interested party wants to take something over, I’ll gladly hand it off — or maybe I’ll kill ‘em all in a mad cleaning spree 6 months from now. You never know …

Oh Lord, where did I go wrong?

This weekend, Jess and I were out and about taking care of errands and somehow our conversation gravitated to football. In the past, I’ve always loved when she would bring this subject up because it meant she was curious about what I thought about specific players, or when football season would begin, or to which games are we going this year, … that sort of thing. I’ve always enjoyed her interest in football, because not only was it something that she and I enjoyed together, it gave her a common interest with Jim as well! (I think he feels a little left out sometimes when she and I are discussing “girly things”)

Well, you can imagine my surprise when she hit me with: “I’ve been thinking about it and I’ve decided to be a Florida Gators fan!”

Wait — say what?

I’m not sure how it happened, but my ‘Bama lovin’ baby has been turned to the Dark Side!

Jim’s reaction to this was, “Well, at least she’s staying within the conference.”

Me, I suspect that a boy has something to do with it.

Humpday Hilarities

I have quite a few funnies for this week!

This first one is from Deb:

First Degree

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde) picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, ‘How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!’ and hung up.

The husband said, ‘Who was that?’ The wife said, ‘I don’t know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.’

This one is from Darron:

“The other night I was invited out for a night with the “girls.” I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, “I promise!” Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. Even when totally smashed … 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 Cuckoos – MIDNIGHT!

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in … I told him “MIDNIGHT”…. He didn’t seem pissed off in the least. Whew … I got away with that one! Then he said “We need a new cuckoo clock.”

When I asked him why, he said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, “oh shit.” Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.”

This one is from Don:

DaVinci Code

Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols:

It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least three thousand years old!

The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings.

The president of the society pointed to first drawing and said: “This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them.”

“Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth and food didn’t grow, they seek food from the sea. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews.”

The audience applauded enthusiastically.

Then a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said, “Idiots, Hebrew is read from right to left. It says: Holy Mackerel, Dig the Ass on that Chick.”

And last but not least, this is something Uncle Monster sent me. I am a huge fan of Billy Mays and will miss watching his antics on Pitchmen. My sincerest and deepest sympathies go out to his loved ones. He had a wonderful wit and always seemed to be having a good time. Here’s a cute video of him going through a McDonald’s drive-through being … himself.

Humpday Hilarities

Today’s funny is courtesy of Don:

Why Men Can Pee Standing Up

God was just about done creating humans, but he had two parts left over. He couldn’t decide how to split them between Adam and Eve so He thought He might just as well ask them. He told them one of the things He had left was a thing that would allow the owner to pee while standing up.

“It’s a very handy thing,” God told them, “and I was wondering if either one of you had a preference for it.”

Well, Adam jumped up and down and begged, “Oh, please give that to me! I’d love to be able to do that! It seems like just the sort of thing a man should have. Please! Pleeease! Give it to me!” On and on he went like an excited little boy.

Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he could have it. So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee standing up. Adam was so excited he just started whizzing all over the place — first on the side of a rock, then he wrote his name in the sand, and then he tried to see if he could hit a stump ten feet away — laughing with delight all the while.

God and Eve watched him with amusement and then God said to Eve, “Well, I guess you’re kind of stuck with the last thing I have left.”

“What’s it called?” asked Eve.

“Brains,” said God.

Hehehehe

Stock your iPhone with knowledge

Earlier this week, I ran across an interesting article by Sean Aune titled “40 Essential iPhone Applications For Web Designers.” It’s a very impressive list, but I didn’t realize until I started looking for the apps in iTunes that the majority of them were not free. Granted, I certainly don’t mind buying an app or two now and then, but I couldn’t very well justify buying 20 or 30 in one sitting. (plus I like keeping my screens few and meticulously organized!)

I may come back later and snag a database app or two, but I didn’t want to fill my iPhone with reference apps which looked to be not much more than common cheat sheets that you can find anywhere on the net. I discovered some handy references posted to MakeUseof’s website a while back and an idea struck me — it would be a lot easier (and cheaper) to use a file manager and simply store copies of these references, cheat sheets, and other essential files on my iPhone.

I mean, hey, wouldn’t it be cool to be sitting there working on one of my themes and look to my iPhone as a reference tool?

I had tried a couple of different file managers a few weeks ago, but never really found anything that I loved. Most apps that I’d looked into required signing up for an account on a website — and most of them were not free services. I needed something that didn’t require an internet connection for those times when I can’t get to a PC. I took a peek at Pandora Box yesterday and happily discovered that DigiDNA’s FileAid (normally $4.99 if memory serves me) was FREE due to a promotion!

As of this post, FileAid is still free, but who knows for how long?

Per DigiDNA’s website, “FileAid is a file manager and viewer for the iPhone and iPod Touch.” Basically, you can copy files over to your iPhone or iPod Touch wirelessly (by FTP) or via USB using DiskAid, which is their PC/MAC tool which can also copy files onto your device. Personally, I found that FileAid does exactly what I need, and can’t see myself using DiskAid. I love that I can use FileAid to connect to my iPhone via FTP and copy over my favorite tech references and cheat sheets, work-related documents, personal files, and other things that I would want to carry out with me without the need to use a 3rd party website. It’s now one of the most essential apps on my iPhone.

According to DigiDNA’s website, FileAid supports a pretty decent list of file types:

• Images (JPG, PNG, GIF, TIFF and others)
• PDF
• MS Office (Word, Excel and PowerPoint)
• iWork (Pages, Numbers and Keynotes, iWork 09 not yet supported)
• OpenDocument (OpenOffice) (Text, Spreadsheet, Presentation)
• Plain Text and RTF (Rich Text Format)
• Audio (MP3, VBR, AAC, Audible, Apple Lossless, AIFF, WAV, CAF)
• Video (standard iPhone formats : H.264, MPEG-4)
• Web Archives
• HTML files
• ZIP Archives

So far I’ve loaded various images, PDFs, TXTs, HTML and DOC files onto mine. Had no problems with any of those and will try out more later this weekend.

FileAid FTW!

So if you’ve been thinking of downloading a few reference or cheat sheet apps, you may want to consider going a cheaper route using FileAid or another file manager of your choosing.

Turn your iPhone into your own personal library.

Humpday Hilarities

Today’s funny is courtesy of Don:

IRS Audit

The IRS sends their auditor (a nasty little man) to audit a synagogue. The auditor is doing all the checks, and then turns to the Rabbi and says, “I noticed that you buy a lot of candles.”

“Yes,” answered the Rabbi.

“Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?” he asked.

“A good question,” noted the Rabbi. “We actually save them up. When we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker and every now and then, they send us a free box of candles.”

“Oh,” replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his question actually had a practical answer. So he thought he’d try another question, in his obnoxious way…

“Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?

“Ah, yes,” replied the Rabbi calmly, “we actually collect up the crumbs, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo balls.”

“Oh,” replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi.

“Well, Rabbi,” he went on, “what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?”

“Yes, here too, we do not waste,” answered the Rabbi. “What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to the IRS .”

“To the IRS?” questioned the auditor in disbelief.

“Ah, yes,” replied the Rabbi, “directly to The IRS …And about once a year, they send us a little prick like you.”

It’s What They Don’t Tell You

Well, it’s been an interesting experience. I learned that no matter how many times you re-read the literature the doctors give you, talk to friends who’ve had a procedure done, or ask questions of anything and everything you can think of … you’ll still learn a few things. If you’ve ever had any kind of surgery done, some of this is nothing new to you, but it was very new to me and I’d like to share a few things I’ve learned from my surgery and the time spent recovering from it, along with a few things nobody told me. (and partly glad they didn’t! LOL!!)

Waiting, and Pre-Op

It doesn’t matter what time you are scheduled to come in and be admitted, you will still sit and wait. And generally, the length of your wait is proportional to how hungry you are. I remember by the time I was taken to Pre-Op, I was absolutely starving; and I happily shared this with anyone that asked. I remember one staffer who kept walking by who smelled of peanut butter — that drove me nuts!

A few minutes later I was presented an odd purple paper gown and some non-slip socks, and was given instructions as to how to strip down and in which bags each article of clothing should go. It’s not rocket science, but my attention span was already significantly lessened due to my anxiety, and was gone altogether once the nurse showed me where to hook up “the hose.”

Get this … they have a warming unit which connects to the gown via a plastic hose. It was pretty neat, though once I got the air going at the temp I wanted, the gown quickly filled up and inflated, making me feel like I was wearing one of those inflatable sumo wrestler suits. Jim snickered and told me that I looked like the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka, and started snapping a few pictures.

Yeah, I was ready for him to go back to the waiting room at that point.

Aggravations aside, I really WAS glad that Jim was there with me. My parents had also shown up (despite my protests against this) and waited patiently out in the main lobby.

Needles!!!

So the time came near to move me to the OR. Another nurse came by to check my blood pressure and pulse again, and was preparing to insert my IV. She commented that my heart rate was “a little high.” I told her that it’s normal, my heart rate has always been “a little high.” She and I go back and forth about this for a little bit until she says, “No, it’s REALLY high!”

My anxiety was already through the roof and at this point, I was nearing panic. The fact that she was holding the really big needle that she was preparing to jab into my arm didn’t help much!

She looks at my face a little funny and asks, “Are you nervous?”

Ding! Ding! Ding! Tell her what she’s won, Bob!

She then pulls out another syringe and tells me that she’s giving me something to “numb” me a bit. It was a much smaller and shorter needle, and honestly after that, I really didn’t care what else she put into me.

Hooray for good drugs!

Not long after I had my IV, my surgeon popped in and asked me if I was ready. At this point, Jim gives me a reassuring arm squeeze and kiss and is directed back to the waiting room. I was wheeled into the operating room and moved from the gurney to the table. A mask was placed over my mouth and someone told me they were giving me “some oxygen.”

And that’s it.

The next thing I know, I’m semi-awake in another room. I remember falling in and out of consciousness and though I can remember seeing a clock, the minutes seemed to pass like seconds. Every time I opened and closed my eyes, 10-15 minutes had passed. Oh, and pretty much everyone that walked by said, “Wake up!”

That got annoying. I really, REALLY wanted to go back to sleep!

I was wheeled into the recovery room and soon after I remember seeing Jim walking down the hallway. I wanted to yell, “Hey baby! Over here! I’m OK!”

All that came out was: “Yeeeep.”

I’m pretty sure I waved at him, but things are a little blurry there. I remember my throat hurting quite a bit. Everyone had told me that I’d have a sore throat when I woke up because they put in a breathing tube. (And I’m thankful it was removed before I woke!)

Tolerate the drink

I’ll say this: once you are in Recovery, you are expected to do only a few things in order to be released:

• Stay awake.
• “Tolerate” liquids. (meaning, keep them down)
• Go pee.

I was having trouble with the first two. There was a monitor hooked up to me so that every time my breathing was shallow (i.e. I was nodding off), it would start beeping really loudly — which scared the ever living shit out of me every damned time!

Secondly, one of the nurses kept shoving a Coke and crackers under my nose, telling me to eat and drink. Despite how hungry I said I was before the operation, I was definitely NOT hungry then! I guzzled the Coke and managed to chew a couple of crackers, which made her very happy. She suggested I try going to the restroom, so I sat up … and then the floor started bobbing and weaving and I turned a little green.

I buzzed the nurse and told her, “I’m feeling very nauseous!” She gave me this really neat thing. I don’t know its official name, but I’ve been calling it the collapsible barf bag, because that’s exactly what it was. I remember thinking, “Hey, I’d like to play with one of these,” when … one of my puny crackers came back to visit.

Yep, apparently the anesthesia made me very, VERY sick.

It was mostly air though, which was a good thing. (I remember being told that they would fill my tummy with air. Was the Coke really a good idea after that?) Despite being a little embarrassed because I was squawking like a duck, I decided that then was a good time to find the restroom. Jim insisted on helping me walk — which was a good thing because I was surprised to find that my legs just didn’t feel much like cooperating at that time. LOL!

Once in the restroom, after assuring Jim that I could make it to the toilet by myself (after all, the wall was holding me up!), I was delighted to find that I could pee. I remember thinking, “I can go home now. Hooray!” There was no more horking or squawking like a duck after that point, so I was feeling pretty proud of myself. I mostly dressed myself. Jim was such a big help, and I was really grateful to have him there. (even in spite of the jokes)

I was coerced into a wheelchair and taken to the main lobby. Honestly, I had originally protested this, but Heaven only knows how I would have walked there considering that moving at all was a challenge even WITH someone there helping me! LOL

Going home

The trip home was pretty uneventful. I remember talking to Jim about stuff, but have no recollection of what or who we talked about. I vaguely remember picking up my prescription — my surgeon prescribed Percocet for the pain.

Um, yeah. More on that in a sec.

Once again, I was feeling pretty proud of myself; having made it this far without hurling again must mean I was doing well, right? Before we left, I had asked the nurse if I could have another collapsible barf bag to take with me. She thought that was a good idea — I really just wanted to play with it once I felt sober. It turns out, I needed it after all.

We had entered our subdivision and were going slowly through the round-about to the mailbox to grab the mail. We were a whole 15 feet from the house and I lost it. Let’s just say that my stomach was completely empty by the time I was done. Poor Jim was a bit lost and wasn’t sure what I wanted him to do. (Just keep the car still!) I remember being disappointed that I couldn’t play with the collapsible barf bag, but was glad that I had snagged it. (else my car would now be a bit stinky)

We got in and got settled, and I don’t remember much else about that day. I remember being too afraid to eat because of the day’s earlier events and getting up to go to the bathroom was a real adventure (as I was still a bit loopy from the anesthesia and my legs were only semi-cooperating). Jim was a real champ though, anytime I needed anything he got it with no fuss. If I so much as sat up or moved as if I was going to get up, he was quick with a “What are you doing? Where are you going? What do you need?”

It was nice … and obviously a sign that I was still loopy, because any other time I’m all about getting things done myself.

Meds

I took my Percocet like a good girl over the next couple of days and slept pretty much all day Thursday and Friday. I remember the phone ringing a lot. Friends and family called to check on me. (thanks!) I’m pretty sure I was nice to everyone. (sorry if I wasn’t, I blame the drugs! )

I remember speaking to my surgeon’s office and the hospital. I think I told them that everything was “OK” — well, it was sort of. I realized a couple days later that the Percocet really didn’t do anything for my pain. It just made me a little dizzy and REALLY sleepy. Had I been a little more sober, I would have told my doctor this and asked for something better.

My advice to you: be frank with your doctor! If you’re in pain, tell him/her!

It’s not terribly unbearable, but it hurts a bit to bend over or twist. (And getting into the car this morning was interesting. Heh.) I stopped taking my Percocet this weekend and all the grogginess is gone. The pain is still there, but it’s gradually getting better. (and I was told it would gradually go away within the next week or so, so this is not unusual)

I don’t have to do it all myself

Let’s face it, I’m a stubborn woman. I’m all about doing things myself and will only ask for help when absolutely necessary. My husband knows this, and it’s a wonder that he married me anyway. I can honestly say that having Jim home has been a real blessing. He helped me get around when I needed it and took over the household details that I normally handled on the day-to-day. He made sure that Jessie ate good meals, did her chores when needed, and took care of me.

I’m a lucky woman.

Post-op diet

A quick word on this. All of the literature I had received beforehand told me that I needed to be on a liquid diet, moving to soft foods after a week or so. I didn’t care too much for this because let’s face it, the only thing “liquid” that I could have that I enjoyed was jell-o, and even that gets old after one or two meals. I had asked my surgeon during Pre-Op about this and felt pretty smug when he told me that I could eat whatever I “felt up to.”

After I got home, I realized why the literature and everyone else had recommended a liquid diet. When your guts hurt so bad that even moving is too much to handle, you don’t even want to THINK about having to go to the bathroom and do ANYTHING but pee!

Let’s just say that my meal choices became very “selective” after this realization.

Recovering, and thank God for drugs!

Welp, I made it through the surgery OK. My stint in the recovery room took a little longer than expected because the anesthesia made me sick, so they wouldn’t let me leave until I felt that I could keep the coke and crackers they kept shoving under my nose down. (and I almost made it home … incidentally, their collapsible barf bags are neat!) They gave me Percocet, so as long as I keep taking a couple every few hours, I don’t really feel too much pain. Though for some unGodly reason, I thought I could work from home today and tomorrow — what was I thinking? LOL! It hurts to sit up, so I’m taking today off too, and maybe tomorrow, we’ll have to see. Jim was nice enough to set my laptop up by our bed, so I can lay here and surf and type during my “awake times”, hehehe.

So, yeah, I’m doing OK. Moving around hurts like hell, so I’m pretty much just staying in bed (though getting up to go to the bathroom is an adventure, LOL!). The Percocet makes me a little dizzy, so Jim won’t let me walk anywhere or do anything by myself … which suits me just fine, for now.

Thank you all for the warm wishes. With any luck I’ll be up and about in a few days.

Love!

Nicki

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