Salt on an open wound
Something I’ve figured out that I need to do more of lately is guarding myself — particularly emotionally. Most days I do ok, but the ones where I don’t is, I think, because I leave myself open. Vulnerable.
I went by Jim’s place Friday to pick up Jessie. She invited me in to wait while she gathered her things. I thought to myself “Bad idea.” but I went in anyways. I really should listen to my gut more. As I looked around his place, there was absolutely no evidence of “us” … or that there even ever was.
I saw things which were supposedly bought for or given to me that he took with him when he moved out. Worst of all, his wedding ring sitting out. I knew he hadn’t been wearing for a while, but he had told me that he carried it with him everyday when he wasn’t wearing it.
That really bothered me. I don’t like being lied to. And it was just another painful reminder that he didn’t consider me his, and that he wasn’t mine anymore.
This summer was 10 years that we’d been together. This October would have been our 5th wedding anniversary.
I can’t make myself hate him, but I often wish I could.
10 years down the drain — for what?
So, yeah, I need to be a lot more careful with my heart…