Humpday Hilarities

I am 2 days late, my apologies my funnies fans!

This week’s starts off with this adorable clip from Cute Overload:

And this is from my pal Cookie:

The book “Understanding Women” has finally arrived in book stores. I think this is the condensed version … or it may be Vol. 1.

Last but not least, this one tickled my geeky funny bone, courtesy of The Mary Sue:

Humpday Hilarities

Today’s funny is courtesy of Don:

Ethel on her 70th birthday

Last week, Ethel checked into a motel on her seventieth birthday, and she was a bit lonely. She thought, “I’ll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages.”

She looked through the phonebook, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony, a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, a dazzling smile, six-pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a quarter off his well oiled butt. She figured, “What the heck, nobody will ever know. I’ll give him a call.”

“Good evening, ma’am, how may I help you?” (Oh my! He sounded sooo sexy!)

Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right into her query: “Hi; I hear you give a great massage. I’d like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait … I should be straight with you. I’m in town all alone, and what I really want is sex. I want it hot and I want it now. Bring implements: toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you’ve got in your bag of tricks. We’ll go hot and heavy all night. Tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I’m ready!! Now how does that sound?”

He said, “That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line.”

Humpday Hilarities

Today’s funnies start off with this one from my favorite daily reads:

This one is from Don:

Bank robber in Minnesota

A hooded robber burst into a Minnesota bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door, a brave Minnesota customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off, revealing the robbers face. The robber shot the customer without a moments hesitation. He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also. Everyone in the bank, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence.

The robber yelled, “Well, did anyone else see my face?”

There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly to afraid to speak. Then, one old Norwegian named Ole from Minnesota tentatively raised his hand and said, “My wife got a pretty good look at you.”

This one is from my Cotillion sister, Kat:

A guy walks into a bar, and a robot bartender comes up and asks,”What’ll you have?” The guy says, “Martini.” The robot asks, “What’s your IQ?” The guy says, “150.” The robot starts talking about physics, philosophy and insider Freddie Mercury jokes.

Intrigued, the guy goes back the next week. The same scenario takes place, but when the robot asks his IQ, the guy says, “100.” The robot launches into discussions about football, NASCAR, and whether Lindsay Lohan’s boobs are real.

The next week the guy goes in, same sequence of events, but this time when the IQ question comes up he says, “50.”

The robot leans in and whispers, “Are you guys sorry you voted for Obama yet?”

And last but not least, one from Cookie:

Can I get a Roll Tide Roll?

Football season starts tomorrow. This is absolutely one of my favorite times of year. I’m ready. Are YOU ready, Bama fans?

This just in …

FORECAST ****SEVERE STORM WARNING**** THE CRIMSON TIDE IS ESTIMATED TO HIT LAND IN (3) DAYS … PICKING UP WIND DAILY, EXPECTED TO BE A CATEGORY 5 CATASTROPHE THAT WILL CAUSE MAJOR DAMAGE, EXPECTED TO HIT IN THE SOUTHERN PART OF THE U.S. ON SATURDAY AROUND NOON AND LAST FOURTEEN WEEKS … SEC TAKE COVER … THE TIDE IS ROLLING IN!

ROLL TIDE ROLL!