Today’s funnies start off with these courtesy of Cookie:
The Italian Virginity Test
Mario is planning to marry and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin. She says she is.
His doctor says, “Mario, all the Italian men I know use three things for what we call a Do-It-Yourself Virginity Test Kit – A small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel.”
Mario asks, “And what do I do with these things, doc?”
The doctor replies, “Before you climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue. If she says, ‘That’s the strangest pair of balls I’ve ever seen!’, you hit her with the shovel — then bury her with it!”
My Favorite Animal
Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else in the class laughed.
My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she’d asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal’s office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, “Colonel Sanders.”
Guess where I am now!???
Today is Groundhog Day, and if you’re familiar with the movie of the same name (you should be!), your initial reaction to today’s holiday may be a single word: recursion. The movie, starring Bill Murray as meteorologist Phil Connors, focuses on a day in Connors’ life — a day which repeats over and over and over again, in a seemingly infinitely repetitive loop. Recursion.
To see what he’s talking about, all you have to do is Google the term “recursion”. Pay particular attention to the “Did you mean” line.
Go ahead, click it …
He goes on to list a few others, such as
- Ask Google what is the “answer to life, the universe, and everything” — which is 42, of course! (a reference to The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy)
- If you ask Google what is the loneliest number, it of course replies “1.”
Yep, I am so not getting anything done during lunch today. :laugh_tb: