The State of the Blog
January 28, 2011 by Nicki
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Time sure flies when you’re busy! I hadn’t meant to go this long before posting again. Whoops! 
Things are going better. Christmas was great over all. I scored some great gifts from my hubby, spent time with friends and family, and was just grateful for … everything, really. Things aren’t fantabulous, but they are a lot better now than they have been over the last couple of years. Work is still uber-busy, which is a good thing. I have so many friends out of work, I know I’m very lucky to have a job right now. It’s not my dream job, but I like the place and I like my coworkers. Most importantly, it pays the bills and the benefits cover my family’s needs … I really can’t ask for much more than that, now can I?
I’m still spending a lot of my spare time gaming. Aion just had another significant update and the next “big” one is probably 6 months out. It’s fun, and I’ve met a lot of cool people. I have a few “real life” friends who play and I get to keep in touch with them that way. Plus Jess and I both play on the same server and it’s fun to just do that as a mother-and-daughter fun time.
Heck, I even created a whole separate blog just for my gaming stuff: Daevic Flux. (I didn’t want to dump all my game stuff on here because I know not all of y’all wanna see that 
)
So I guess I can’t complain about much going on lately. (Well, I could, but it wouldn’t do much good! LOL) I know I’ve been quiet … things are just busy, and busy is good, I think. Jess is growing up into a beautiful young lady right before my very eyes — and getting more like her father every day (oh boy, the attitude and that mouth, LOL!!!!). We have good days and bad days, but luckily things are mostly good.
Warmer weather would be nice to have though — NO MORE SNOW!!!! 
So … y’all stay in and stay warm. Feel free to keep sending me funnies — they really do make my day.
Humpday Hilarities
Today’s funnies start off with this one from my mother:
Anagrams
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYERASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARERDESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS ITTHE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEEGEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORETHE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTSDORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOMSLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN MEANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITYELECTION RESULTS :
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES – LET’S RECOUNTSNOOZE ALARMS :
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS ! NO MORE
Z’SA DECIMAL POINT :
When you rearrange the letters:
I’M A DOT IN PLACETHE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKEELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONEMOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
This one is courtesy of Dave. I may have posted this one before, but couldn’t find it. My apologies if I have:
Funny, I could understand her just fine. 
And last but not least, this one is from Cookie:
Humpday Hilarities
Today’s funnies start of with these two from Cookie:
I was Confused
I became confused when I heard the word “Service” used with these agencies:
Internal Revenue ‘ Service ‘
U.S. Postal ‘ Service ‘
Telephone ‘ Service ‘
Cable TV ‘ Service ‘
State, City, County & Public ‘ Service ‘
Customer ‘ Service ‘This is not what I thought “Service” meant. But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to “Service” all his cows. And then BAM!!! It all came into focus. Now I understand how they are “servicing” us.
You are now as enlightened as I am.
Drummond’s Bar began construction on expansion of their building to increase their business. In response, the local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar from expanding with petitions and prayers. Work progressed right up until the week before the grand reopening when lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground.
After the bar burning to the ground by a lightning strike the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about “the power of prayer”, until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church” was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means”.
In its reply to the court, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building’s demise.
The judge read through the plaintiff’s complaint and the defendant’s reply and at the opening hearing he commented, “I don’t know how I’m going to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork that we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that now does not.”
And this one is courtesy of Uncle Monster:
During a recent password audit by Microsoft & Google, it was found that a blond was using the following password:
“MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento”
When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
Humpday Hilarities
Today’s funnies start off with this one from Cookie:
Two businessmen in Illinois were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn’t ready, with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, “I bet any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we’re selling.”
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked, “What are you sellin’ here?”
One of the men replied sarcastically, “We’re selling ass-holes.”
Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, “Must be doing well… only two left.”
Seniors — don’t mess with us!
This one is courtesy of Here Kitty Kitty:
Humpday Hilarities
January 5, 2011 by Nicki
Today’s funnies start off with these gems from Cookie:
A “different” Creation explanation
In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God’s great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, “You want chocolate with that?” And Man said, “Yes!” and Woman said, “and as long as you’re at it, add some sprinkles.” And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.
So God said, “Try my fresh green salad.” And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, “I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them.” And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof. God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it “Angel Food Cake,” and said, “It is good.” Satan then created chocolate cake and named it “Devil’s Food.”
God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald’s and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, “You want fries with that?” And Man replied, “Yes! And super size them!” And Satan said, “It is good.” And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Then Satan created Cuts to the Health Care System.
Amen.
I’d like to point out that:
In 2011, both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union address occur on the same day.
I want to take this time to point out:
It is an ironic juxtaposition of events; one involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a creature of little intelligence and competence for prognostication, while the other involves a groundhog.
And last but certainly not least is a football-related funny from Jeff, written by Roy Exum for The Chattanoogan:
Of all the post-season bowl games, the one I anticipated the most was Saturday’s Capital One match-up between Alabama and Big Ten co-champ Michigan State, because I figured it would be a great game. Well, it turned out to be a 49-7 rout, which shows how mighty the Crimson Tide can be and how little I know about college football.
The problem is that a lot of Michigan State fans thought the same thing, as you’ll see in a minute. MSU, winning a share of the first Big 10 title in 20 years, had high hopes, but on a cold afternoon when the Big 10 would go 0-5 on New Year’s Day, the 24/7 message board on a Michigan State booster website during the game was hysterical.
Understand, the game was a mockery, grown men playing havoc with mere children. Alabama seemed to score at will, striking on the first five possessions while dominating the Spartans so badly on defense, MSU had only 171 yards in total offense compared to the Crimson Tide’s 543. MSU left the field with minus-47 yards rushing in the most lop-sided Orlando bowl ever.
Michigan State quarterback Kirk Cousins was sacked four times, finally leaving the game in the fourth quarter with “a severe headache.” After drumming up a 28-0 halftime lead, Alabama played mostly subs the second half – you get the picture, right?
Michigan State coach Mark Dantonio, who had whined before the game that his team wasn’t getting enough respect, said afterwards, “We were outcoached, we were outplayed, and we were out-physicaled and that’s just the way it is. Sometimes, you get an avalanche come on you and that’s just what happened.”
But the Spartans’ fans said it better. Allow me to share the MSU message board during the game:
“Julio takin’ us to schoolio.” (just after Alabama wide receiver Julio Jones ran 35 yards for a touchdown on a reverse.)
“Why are they allowing Alabama to play with 35 players on defense?”
“I think their punter is currently drinking around the world in Epcot.” (Alabama didn’t punt until midway through the third quarter).
“If we played 10 times, they would win 15.”
“If Cam Newton costs $200,000 for a season, how much is a 2nd half rental?”
“…and now Cousins is dead.” (referring to MSU’s starting QB after the fourth sack)
“If I was our QB I would hire an attorney and sue them for negligence or intentional infliction of physical and emotional distress.”
“I’m ready to accept MSU boosters paying for an offensive line. If we get caught I can deal with it.”
“This is getting out of hand…an Alabama defensive lineman just popped out of my TV and threw me 10 yards behind my couch.”
“Do you think this is how Custer felt?”
“We’re going to have a wing named after us at Orlando Regional Medical Center by the time this game finishes.”
“This is embarrassing. So are we officially a basketball school again?”
“I want to know how many times in the history of organized football that teams have punted on 4th and goal”
“So this is what they mean by team speed.”
“If I’m (Andrew) Maxwell, I fake an injury on the way to the huddle.” (referring to the MSU freshman backup QB, who was knocked out of the game three plays later).
It’s just like Mark Twain once said, “Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.”
Excellent article, Roy! 
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