Humpday Hilarities
This week’s funnies start off with this one from my mother:
Cowboy Named Buddy
A cowboy named Buddy was overseeing his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?”
Buddy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, Why not?”
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”
“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says Buddy.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Buddy says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”
“You’re an aide in the Obama Administration”, says Buddy.
“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”
“No guessing required.” answered the cowboy.
“You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don’t know a thing about how working people make a living — or about cows, for that matter.
This is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog.”
And this one is courtesy of F*ck Yeah Bill Murray with a clip from Groundhog Day:
Yep … that has SO been my week this week! 
Humpday Hilarities
October 20, 2010 by Nicki
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This week’s edition starts off with this one from my mother:
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter:
“Want coffee.”
The waiter says, “Sure, Chief. Coming right up.”
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter:
“Want coffee.”
The waiter says, “Whoa, Tonto! We’re still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?”
The Indian smiles and proudly says, “Training for position in United States Congress: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.”
This funny is courtesy of Kathy:
Last Tuesday President Obama got off the helicopter in front of The White House carrying a baby piglet under each arm. The squared-away Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted and said, “Nice pigs, Sir.”
The President replied: “These are not pigs. These are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.”
The squared-away Marine again snapped to attention, salutes and said, “Excellent trade, Sir!”
Humpday Hilarities
October 13, 2010 by Nicki
Today’s funny is courtesy of one of my guild mates:
Look familiar? 
Three years ago today …
October 13, 2010 by Nicki
To my darling husband, Jim:
Happy Anniversary! I love you!
Humpday Hilarities
This week’s funnies start off with this one from Jerri Lynn:
Georgia football practice was delayed nearly 2 hrs this morning after a player found an unknown white powdery substance on the field. Coach Richt immediately suspended practice. Forensic experts determined that the white substance, unknown to the players, was the goal line. Practice resumed this afternoon after agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again!!!
And this one from Jeff:
Q: What’s the difference between a bath tub and an Auburn football player?
A: Eventually the bath tub gets a ring.
ROLL TIDE ROLL! 
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