I’m not sure, but I think I’ve been promoted
November 24, 2009 by Nicki
Jessie came to work with me yesterday and we had several good discussions throughout the day on various topics. Inevitably, the topic of her mother always comes up one way or another and yesterday was no exception. Jessie shared a profound thought, likening the story of Coraline with her relationship with her own mother — but in reverse. Jessie’s mother is a bit clingy and Jessie, understandably, feels smothered. She told me, “She’s just like the Other Mother, she wants me to always stay with her and says I can never leave.”
My mother-in-law tells me all the time what a positive influence I’ve been to Jessie. In essence, somewhere over the years, the roles of “mother” and “the other mother” became switched. Jessie remarked about her mother’s behavior and wondered if that’s why she and Jim divorced. She said would leave her too if she could, that she wanted to leave her “like Coraline wanted to leave the Other Mother after realizing what she was really like.”
While I laugh at Jessie’s analogy, I can’t help but feel sorry for her mother. I’ve said for years that one day Jessie will grow up and see her mother for what she really is. I think that day has come sooner than anyone thought.
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I feel kind of sorry for her, too, but she brought it on herself. Poor Jessie, being in that position. I’m so glad she has you to be such a positive influence for her.
I don’t know this whole situation since I’m new to your story but I’m really glad Jessie knows that you love her well enough that she can tell you about her feelings. That’s such an important thing when processing difficult things like the relationship with your mother and/or step-mother.
Our children can learn about their lives by themselves although we continue to accompany them. They still need us in order to share whatever they want. During the journey of life, they can have their own opinions about us without any external influences.
The relationship between a woman and a girl can become the same thing with the one between a mother and her child. We can become close to someone through the process. I’m sure that you can be a good mother for Jessie.
Like Marie, I don’t know the whole history…but I feel both sad that she doesn’t isn’t able to respect her mom, happy that she feels confident in being able to talk daily with you. Especially at the apparent depth of the conversation. Good stuff there. To many kids these days don’t have a great channel of communications with adults.