A random act of kindness

When I pulled up to the drive-through window at Burger King this morning, the manager told me that my meal was already “taken care of”. Apparently the customer in line ahead of me had paid for my meal. The manager told me that the lady said, “This is from an Auburn fan.”

How sweet is that?

To the nice Auburn lady who paid for my meal this morning — THANK YOU!

And … Roll Tide!!

Humpday Hilarities

This morning’s funnies are courtesy of my mother:

Out of the Mouths of Babes

These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: ‘Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?’

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, ‘If you don’t remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.’

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. ‘I love you so much that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.’

BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: ‘How does it know it’s me?’

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. ‘Please don’t give me this juice again,’ she said, ‘It makes my teeth cough.’

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: ‘How much do I cost?’

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, ‘I don’t know what’ll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?’

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: ‘Why is he whispering in her mouth?’

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, ‘Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?’

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: ‘The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.’ Concerned, James asked: ‘What happened to the flea?’

The sermon I think this mom will never forget …

‘Dear Lord,’ the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. ‘Without you, we are but dust…’ He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, ‘Mom, what is butt dust?’

3’s of Me

I was tagged by the lovely Angela on Facebook, but I’m a goober and wanted to post it here instead.

These were the original instructions:

You’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with the 3’s of YOU. At the end, choose 20 people to be tagged. You have to tag me so really you just need 19 more people. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you – but not in a creepy stalker kind of way.

I LOL’d at that last bit. Ok, so here goes nothing …

Three names I go by:
1. Nicki
2. Boo (only my husband is allowed to call me this)
3. Nitallica (well, no one really calls me that anymore)

Three Jobs I have had in my life:
1. Waitress
2. Billing clerk
3. Software developer

Three Places I have lived:
1. Mobile, AL
2. Corner, AL
3. Hueytown, AL

Three Favorite drinks:
1. Sweet Tea (no lemon!)
2. Sour Apple Martini
3. Grapico

Three TV Shows that I watch:
1. Burn Notice
2. The Closer
3. MythBusters

Three places I have been:
1. Sacramento, CA
2. Miami, FL
3. Minneapolis, MN

People that text me regularly:
1. Jim
2. Jim’s ex (hey, it’s better than her calling!)
3. Teresa

Three of my favorite foods:
1. Roast beef tips and gravy
2. Pretty much any kind of pasta
3. Chilli

Three friends I think will respond:
1. Teresa
2. Ben
3. Don

Three Things I am looking forward to:
1. FOOTBALL SEASON!!!!
2. Finishing the armful of books I’ve recently bought to read
3. The next time I see my sweet little angel girl.

Humpday Hilarities

Today’s edition starts off with a couple of funnies from my pal Cookie:

Two old ladies, Maude and Mable, are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Maude: What in the hell is that?

Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.

Maude: Where did you get it?

Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

“Doesn’t matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.”

The pharmacist fainted.

The balloonist

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

“She rolled her eyes and said, “You must be a Republican.”

“I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.”

The man smiled and responded, “You must be an Obama Democrat.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist. “How did you know?”

“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You’ve risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it’s my fault.”

This one is from my friend Dave:

Saying Goodbye to Mother

You don’t have to own a cat to appreciate this one! You don’t even have to like ‘em!

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi.. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat we put out in the back yard, scoots back into the front door. We didn’t want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn’t want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, ‘He’s just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.’

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. ‘Sorry I took so long,’ I said, as we drove away. ‘That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!

The cab driver hit a parked car.

Moral: Make sure your stories match!!

This one is from Uncle Monster:

And this one is from one of my co-workers:

I never knew the Dark Side could dance like that!

Why so serious?

I know I’ve been pretty quiet lately. There’s been a lot going on lately, and I’ve been unplugging more and more to deal with everything going on. There’s plenty of family drama going on with Jim’s ex … but that isn’t exactly anything new is it? Work is still going ok I guess. Two people in my department turned in their notices, so things will be a little tight for a while until the new hires (myself included) are brought up to speed. Jim is still out of work, so that’s definitely putting a strain on things. I’m really hoping he’ll be hired on where I’m working, but I haven’t received a definitive answer one way or the other if the company allows nepotism.

Over the last few months, I’ve been busying myself with various things — escapes, if you will. I finally finished Charlaine Harris’ Sookie Stackhouse series, and have made it a little over halfway through Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight series. I really liked the first book, but the second one was VERY hard to read. I’m now halfway through the third, but haven’t picked it up in several weeks. I’ve picked up handful of other books that have been recommended to me by various people, but haven’t started on any of them.

Call me a fangirl

I’ve been taking a break from reading to delve wholly into my latest obsession — Aion: The Tower of Eternity. It’s a new MMORPG by NCsoft (makers of Lineage, Heroes, Guild Wars, etc.). It’s due to release in September. Jim and I have participated in the last two closed betas and I am absolutely loving it. (so much so that I’ve set a screenshot of my character as my iPhone wallpaper *g*) It’s a visually stunning game, and I absolutely adore the soundtrack.

I’ve all but quit my other online gaming and will most likely play Aion exclusively once it’s released. Both Jim and I have pre-ordered and Jessie, after watching me play all this weekend, has asked if she could also play. She went into detail about the class and character name that she’s already chosen. Jim and I talked about it, and if she keeps her grades up, we’ll pay her subscription fees so that she can play with us.

It’s kind of funny … Jim recruited me, I recruited a couple of guys from work, and we’ve both inadvertently recruited Jessie … all to play Aion. I’ve had a few WoW buddies also express interest in playing. I think once it’s released, Aion will give WoW a serious run for its money.

Appreciation — the gift that gives back

One really great thing about working where I am now, I see a LOT more soldiers and vets! After being there just a couple of days, I learned to keep an extra stack of Soldiers’ Angels cards at my desk just in case I see a group in the mall. I also keep a stack in my car because I often will come across some when out and about running errands and/or grabbing lunch.

A couple of weeks ago, I had gone out to lunch with some of my coworkers. As we entered the restaurant, I ran across a soldier who was getting ready to leave. He politely spoke with me for a few minutes when I stopped to thank him for his service. His response was similar to that I’ve heard from several soldiers and vets: “Thank you, I wish more people felt the way you do.”

I assured him that most people appreciate their efforts and definitely support our military. So many people that I’ve talked to over the past year say that they want to help … they just don’t know how. While I encourage folks to look over the Soldiers’ Angels website and consider joining, I always stress making their support known. It doesn’t take much — if you see a soldier in uniform, or a veteran, walk up and say, “Thank you for your service.”

That’s it. No big elaborate speech or presentation necessary. Most people will politely thank you and go on their merry way. It’s a small task — and it really DOES make a huge difference. I really wish more people would show appreciation to those who are serving, have served, and who support those who did/are (their families need our appreciation too!). After all, it’s good manners … and I guarantee that you’ll feed good inside when you do.

Who knows you may just make somebody’s day!

Humpday Hilarities

Happy Humpday everybody! Let’s get started with these from my pal Don:

Alabama

A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. ‘Where’s Henry?’ the others asked.

‘Henry had a stroke of some kind. He’s a couple of miles back up the trail,’ the successful hunter replied.

‘You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?’ they inquired.

‘A tough call,’ nodded the hunter. ‘But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!’

Texas

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, “Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don’t you see that sign right over your head”. “Yep”, he replied. “That’s why I’m dumpin it here, cause it says ‘Fine For Dumping Garbage’.

Louisiana (that’s the way Oregon used to be.)

A senior at LSU was overheard saying… ‘When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana .’

When asked why, he replied he’d rather be in Louisiana because everything happens 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.

Mississippi

The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, ‘Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!’

Bubba replied, ‘Did you see who it was?’

The young man answered, ‘I couldn’t tell, but I got his license plate number.’

Georgia

A Georgia State trooper pulled over a pickup on I- 75. The trooper asked, ‘Got any I. D. ?’

The driver replied, ‘Bout whut?’

North Carolina

A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it.

Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, ‘I have a flat tire.’

The passerby asked, ‘But what’s with the flowers?’

The man responded, ‘When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. Hey, it don’t make no sense to me neither.’

Kentucky

‘You can say what you want about the South, but I ain’t never heard of anyone wanting to retire to the North.’

Gotta love the South!

This one is from my mother:

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life Remember:

1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It’s called ‘Ministers Do More Than Lay People.’

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

3. The difference between the Pope and your boss: The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning: One brilliant flash and it’s gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you’re in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

7. It used to be only death and taxes. Now, of course, there’s shipping and handling, too.

8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

9. My next house will have no kitchen — just vending machines and a large trash can.

10. A blonde said, ‘I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid.’

11. Definition of a teenager? God’s punishment for enjoying sex.

12. As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.

This one is also from Don:

A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.

‘I’m on the 7th hole,’ she replied, ‘and you are a hole behind me. So you must be on the 6th hole.’

He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached her again with the same request.

‘I’m on number 14, and you’re still a hole behind, so you must be on the 13th hole.’

Once again he thanked her and returned to his play. He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.

He approached her and said, ‘Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you’re in the sales profession. I’m in sales also. What do you sell?’

‘I’ll tell you, but you’re going to laugh,’ she replied.

‘No, I won’t.’

‘Well, if you must know,’ she answered, I work for Tampax.’

With that, he laughed so hard he lost his balance and fell off the bar stool.

‘See,’ she said. ‘I knew you’d laugh!’

‘That’s not what I’m laughing at,’ he replied, ‘I’m a salesman for Preparation-H, so I’m still a hole behind you!’

And these are from Furry Talk:

Two cows are in a field.

First Cow: “Do you worry about getting Mad Cow Disease?”

Second Cow: “Nah, I’m a penguin.”

A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stops him and says that he can’t drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off.

The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, “Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo.”

The man replies “I did. Today I’m taking them to the movies.”

Q: What do you call a woodpecker with no beak?

A: A headbanger!

A man went to sell his dog. A buyer asked him, “Is this dog faithful?”

The man replied, “Yes, I have sold him 3 times but he still returns to me.”

If you want to walk the heavenly streets of gold, you gotta know the password, “Roll, Tide, Roll!”

There are many days where I will spend my lunch time surfing the web … sometimes with purpose, but usually aimlessly. Facebook is pretty good at helping with the latter. I jump from a friend’s link to another, then another, and half an hour later I’m on a “wild tangent surf”. StumbleUpon and Twitter are also good for this.

Today’s lunch surf session landed me on a lens (topic) at Squidoo on Bear Bryant. In case you don’t recognize my post’s title, that’s one of Bear’s quotes — one of my personal faves.

You know, it’s amazing that you can study a person, idolize them growing up, and still really NOT know everything about them. I remember hearing all the Alabama football “glory stories” growing up from both my parents and grandparents. I still remember watching Alabama play on TV. I remember watching The Bear Bryant Show on Sunday afternoons with my grandfather.

“Golden Flake and Coca-Cola … great pair, says ‘The Bear’!”

I remember the day he passed away. I remember watching his funeral on TV. Even at that young age, I knew that Alabama football wouldn’t be the same for a very long time. Hell, we got a pretty good coach right now. A lot of people say ole Nick reminds them of Bear. A lot of people (mostly other teams) tell us that we live in the past. But growing up here, how could you not? Over the years I’ve read and re-read some of my favorite Bear stories. There are tons of pages out there on the internet of quotes and tons of books about the man. Sure there, are tons of webpages and books on lots of worthless people, but their legends do not live on like Bear’s has!

So excuse me for being a living-breathing crimson-blooded outrageously-obnoxious Alabama fan, but Coach William Paul “Bear” Bryant was more than “just a coach” to me. He was more than a great motivator. He was more than a great leader. He was more than a friend, a confidant and a mentor to his players. He was a great man … and he was a veteran.

I didn’t know that last one. Did you?

I happily discovered via Wikipedia that Bear Bryant joined the US Navy following the bombing of Pearl Harbor. He served just off North Africa, but never saw any combat action. But the article does say that his ship, the SS Uruguay, was rammed by another ship and ordered to be abandoned. Bear disobeyed that order, which saved the lives of his men. It goes on to say that while in the Navy, he attained the rank of Lieutenant Commander.

The article goes on to describe the rest of his coaching career, but it surprised me that I hadn’t heard about his service before. I can’t say I’m surprised. Like I’ve always said Bear was a great man, and so many of our greatest can be found in our military. So many great men have served this great country before, and so many great men (and women!) are serving now.

While most will never gain Bear’s level of fame, if at all, they all richly deserve it in my eyes.

God bless your soul, Coach. And God bless our troops, vets, and those who love and support them!

Humpday Hilarities

This one is courtesy of my friend Joseph:

I recently asked my friends’ little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, ‘If you were President what would be the first thing you would do? ‘

She replied, ‘I’d give food and houses to all the homeless people.’

Her parents beamed.

‘Wow…what a worthy goal.’ I told her, ‘But you don’t have to wait until you’re President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and rake my yard, and I’ll pay you $50. Then I’ll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house. ‘

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, ‘ Why doesn’t the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?

I said, ‘Welcome to the Republican Party.’

Her parents still aren’t speaking to me.

And this one is courtesy of Don:

Women’s Yearly Exam

I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. The nurse started with certain basics.

“How much do you weigh?” she asked. “135,” I said. The nurse put me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 180.

The nurse asked, “Your height?”

“5 foot 4,” I said. The nurse checked and saw that I only measure 5′ 2″.

She then took my blood pressure and told me that it is very high. “Of course it’s high!” I screamed, ‘When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I’m short and fat!”

She put me on Prozac. What a bitch!

Happy 4th of July weekend

I hope everyone is having a happy and safe holiday weekend. July 4th is without a doubt one of my favorite holidays. It is the birthday of our nation — or, as I see it, the birthday of the greatest nation on earth. To quote President Ronald Reagan:

“There have been revolutions before and since ours, but those revolutions simply exchanged one set of rules for another. Ours was a revolution that changed the very concept of government.

Let the Fourth of July always be a reminder that here in this land, for the first time, it was decided that man is born with certain God-given rights; that government is only a convenience created and managed by the people, with no powers of its own except those voluntarily granted to it by the people.

“We sometimes forget that great truth, and we never should.”

We never should — truer words have never been spoken.

As we all enjoy the festivities, food, and games this weekend, let us all take some time to reflect on the events that precipitated this country’s independence and the freedoms that we enjoy. Let us remember that with freedom comes responsibility — if we don’t like the way things are going in this country, that it is our responsibility to make a change.

Let us also remember those who have given their lives to defend our freedom, and those who are fighting for them still.

Alabama Tea Party

It looks like the upcoming tea party will be much larger and accommodating those bringing their families. Nice! So, who all is going?

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