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Hump Day Hilarities

November 14, 2007 by  

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I snagged these two goodies from Cookie. Enjoy! :)

Police Comments

These 16 police comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

  1. “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.”
  2. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.”
  3. “If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”
  4. “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”
  5. “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.”
  6. “You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?”
  7. “Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?”
  8. “Warning! You want a warning? OK, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”
  9. “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”
  10. “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs.”
  11. “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”
  12. “In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC.”
  13. “How big were those ‘Just two beers’ you say you had?”
  14. “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.”
  15. “I’m glad to hear that Chief [of Police] Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.”
  16. “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. Sign here.”

Women’s Asses

There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their asses!

I thought the results were pretty interesting:

85% of women think their ass is too fat…

10% of women think their ass is too skinny…

The other 5% say that they don’t care, they love him, he’s a good man, and they would have married him anyway.

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Comments

One Response to “Hump Day Hilarities”

  1. doc on November 15th 2007 at 12:06 am

    The first one – #16 – OUCH!

    The second – Hee!



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