It’s rainy out today, and sort of matching my mood. I’ve been really unhappy lately. I can’t pin it down to just one thing, there has been a myriad of things bothering me lately, but it’s been building … and I stand before what could be considered a crossroads due to a culmination of events over the past few years.
I hate my job. I’m sick of living paycheck to paycheck. Sure, the benefits are ok, and I know that I am lucky to have a job in this field (because I know so many who are still unemployed), but as I’ve said before: the Birmingham IT market is a proverbial black hole.
Sure, a *few* more people are hiring now than 2 years ago, but can I really wait another 2 years, 3 years, or longer, just to finally find a job that I enjoy and where the employer’s business practices aren’t quite so “shady”? (Can we say ‘Scrushy’ boys and girls? *shudder*)
But I digress …
It’s not only the job thing getting me down. My allergies are getting worse, despite the wonderful treatment of my doctors. I’m fucking miserable. I’m tired of not being able to breathe, tired of sneezing and itching, wanting to claw my eyes out, the red whelps on my face, neck, and arms because I’m allergic to every particle floating around in the air right now. I feel like I need one of those face masks whenever I walk outside, LOL.
Jim knows I’m unhappy. Bless his heart, he’s making the best of things, and tries to keep me happy. (and does a damned good job, God love him) I know he’s unhappy. He is just as miserable with his job, if not more.
We’ve been talking about moving out of state — Jacksonville, Florida to be exact. For better job opportunities, for my health, to get a change of scenery, make a fresh start. I started thinking of the things that keep me tied down here. My family and my house … the house can be sold, and I will always have my family, no matter where I am.
Last night I had to get out for a bit to get some air and just get away from everyone (we had spent the day with Jim’s mom), and I sat out in the dark listening to one of my favorite sounds and remembered why I liked it here: summertime in the south. I could hear the songs of the same tree frogs and bullfrogs Jeremy and I used to catch and keep as pets. The crickets were chirping all around me. I used to catch those to feed the frogs and some of our fish. Every once in a while I’d hear an barn owl screech (one lives near our house).
The Gardendale community is a bird sanctuary, so everybody and their brother has bird feeders and houses out for them. Every morning I can look out my window and see cardinals, blue jays, mockingbirds, finches, etc. Jessie has always enjoyed sitting out food and treats for them. (although we’ve stopped because the newest neighborhood cat has learned where the feeder was and was killing them when they came to feed … combination bird-feeder/cat-feeder! LOL)
Again, I digress …
This place has always been my home. And in a way, I’m a little sad because I know that if we are going to have a better life, we’ve gotta go somewhere else … but I *HATE* Florida for the most part. The weather: I mean I’m terrified of tornadoes, and they have freakin’ Hurricanes!!!! Plus there’s the tourists, and they have no mountains, the roadways are set up weird (no passing lane!?!?!), and then there’s the tourists, … :P And I would be missing college football season like a mofo! :( (Roll Tide *pout*)
On the other hand, both Jim and I have family down there, the job market is better. The one thing I worry about most is finding a place we can afford that’s not too close to the city, but not too far from where we’ll be working. Also, there’s Jessie and the issue of finding a school for her. She’s going to a wonderful school now, and as much as I’d love to be able to send her to a private school down there, I know we are not going to be able to afford it.
Anyways … nothing’s definite, we’re only talking about it. But Jim has been saying since I met him that he wanted to move back to Jacksonville someday. And right now, that is looking better than staying here.
If anything, sitting outside for a bit last night reminded me of something else: I hate cities! What can I say, I’m a country girl at heart. *sigh*